aeo1313

My daughter who is 12 is doing some volunteer work with special needs kids taking swimming classes. I watched her tonight with so much pride at what a poised, confident, woman she is becoming. On the drive home my 10yo son called. He was home sick today and was feeling worse. He was crying and wanted me home. These kids need me to fight. I owe them the best mother I can be. They are wonderful kids and have been hidden for the most part from my addictions, but if I don't get well, I won't be able to hide forever.

chicory

what a gift our children are! You are one of the most important people that they will ever have in their lives, so good for you, in giving them the best of yourself.

bless you, and your sweet children,
hugs
chicory

desertsong

aeo, my youngest son is autistic. Talk about stretching your limitations ... I used to cope with his disability by drinking ... after all, I was calmer and more able to help him when I drank ... or was I? Years after that, after numerous verbal assaults on his character, his outbursts for no reason (that I couldn't handle, and thus, verbally abused him), and escaping and hiding from my family for days on end because I couldn't cope with my son's disability ... I found myself a drunk and a lousy mother. Yes. Kick myself in the buttocks x 1000 ... no excuses. My son was autistic and I had no idea what to do to make his life better. Take a number and then kick me in the ass. I deserved it.

The only solution was to give up alcohol and find a way to make myself a good mother to my special child. Any suggestions!? No easy answers, for sure. And that is life. We will always find reasons to drink ... so-and-so did this to us, so I deserve a drink. Well, I didn't drink all week but I'm stressed out now, so don't I deserve a couple of glasses of wine?! Everything in my life blew up this week ... a drink would smooth everything over.

If we pause lost enough to hear the voice of reason .... it is screaming "A drink is not a solution ,... it is just a passport to hell." Do you have your passport ready? Or are you surrender to render it at the gate?

aeo1313

Desertsong- My heart goes out to you with regards on parenting. It is so difficult no matter what, and adding autism in...I am a special education paraeducator at a high school.

I need to pause bc the voice of reason does speak...just in a softer voice than addiction.

jocata

My kids didn't know I was using and drinking, but they suffered nonetheless.

I was too drunk or stoned to give myself physically and emotionally to them. I was checked out. I didn't realize the damage I had done until I got sober and some of the smoke cleared.

Kids are like sponges, they soak up everything, good and bad. I was bad for a very long time. Now it's time for the good stuff.

You can do it aeo, I know you can. You love those kids, would die a thousand times for them. Get sober for yourself first, they will reap the benefits.

God bless.