quitforme79

Well SR friends, getting down to the nitty gritty in my therapy sessions. I left tonight feeling a host of emotions: shock (haven't I dealt with my childhood issues already? What was I doing in therapy thru my 20's if this stuff is still surfacing?) Disappointment (maybe the life I thought I wanted isn't what is fitting for me at all ie kids- I was the oldest in an alcoholic household and already did a lot of "parenting". Makes me feel odd or different that I don't have the desire for motherhood). Exhausted- still not sleeping even with sleep aids, been exercising everyday and still can't find a way to relax, quiet my mind and sit still. Overworked: I have 2 jobs to keep me busy. I think it keeps me sane, my therapist thinks I am avoiding myself. Yeh, that and drinking. Well I just don't know about anything right now except that I haven't drank in almost 3 weeks. Cravings are pretty much gone but I do miss the numbness it supplied. I think I just had an epiphany when I typed that last sentence...therapy is tough because I am sober and un-numbed---something I mostly wasn't in my 20's. Sigh. A good friend told me that when change is hard it usually leads to wonderful things. Right now, I have to put all my faith into that theory because it's what will keep me going.

Dee74

Therapy was tough for me too - it's not comfortable to deal with a lot of stuff, and as you say we spent many years trying to avoid feeling uncomfortable....

I found it all worth it tho - both facing my past and dealing with my feelings - stick with it Quit

D

Anna

Hi,

I hope that change will lead to wonderful things for you, too.

I know that I had kept very busy (avoiding myself) and I had to stop and slow down a lot in recovery. And, it's been the best thing I could have done.

Cephas

Stopping running from my fears (mostly false beliefs, lies about myself), facing my fears, and moving right through them is the path I took to freedom.

Soooo worth it!

You are on the right path.

Ranger

Therepy is tough?

That's how you know it's working.

Brave, brave stuff, Quitforme. Awesome job.

quitforme79

You guys rock Thanks for the support and so glad to hear from others who have been through this that there is a light at the end...maybe even in the middle

WantToHeal

So true...I find the same things myself, and am thankful for the bond I'm starting to develop with my therapist over the last several weeks!

onlythetruth

Therapy is tough, yes....but in my experience, going through life numbed-out and messed up is a whole lot tougher.

I spent five years in therapy after I quit drinking, and it saved my life.

unentschieden

Your first sentence really spoke to me...haven't I dealt with these childhood issues already? I remember thinking exactly that and feeling very disappointed in myself. I went back to therapy for a while again and even though i didnt like my therapist she helped me to have quite a breakthrough.

Be patient with yourself, and you'll get there!

newdayfortoday

I really related to your post. I'm the same. Childhood issues, two jobs and avoiding myself.