KATIE77

Hi folks
I haven`t been on here for ages - I really wanted to pop in to say Hi however in a way it was a reminder of all the horrendous times, yet in a way I wanted to celebrate all the support you guys gave me.
I am now five years on from leaving him. I finally found the strength and courage yet even though I know I did the right thing and have "moved on" I still do think about him. I have heard off him - Christmases, Birthdays etc.. and my heart still does a little dance. I know he is with a new partner - I wish her great success!

I think about how things could have been, should have been, but the reality is this awful disease grabbed him with both arms and wrapped him in a steely grip. There comes a point when you just have to think do I want this? He came home drunk each day, fell asleep in the roadside, had police bringing him home, slept with my best friend, slept with other women behind my back, stashed bottles all around the house and much more besides, yet when he was sober he was all I wanted.

Yes it is hard, yes it is torture leaving, yes he was my world, yes I still long for him sometimes, and yes - I know for sure if it wasnt for this forum and all the support I would not be here now.

I just want to let you all know there is a little light at the end of the road. It is a long tough journey but if I can make it so can you.

Hugs.

PurpleWilder

Thank you for sharing your story! Very inspirational.

sandrawg

I am a little over a year away from having left my alcoholic ex-bf. I know exactly what you mean about how you feel. So much relief..my ex has not changed in the least, from what I hear, but I have changed immensely, thanks to al-anon. And I owe this board a great debt of gratitude for helping me get through it all!

KATIE77

Ditto. I don`t know where I would be without the support from you guys! The pain never goes away and the memories and scars run deep. I keep thinking how it could have been but in reality I know how it would be. I wanted him when he was sober, not the drunken fool he was but that person does not exist anymore.

I think the hardest thing moving on is the "what if?" What if I had done this or that? What if I had reacted in a different way? I guess I am thankful he only took away part of my life. I still have the rest to live!
Hugs

TakingCharge999

Thanks katie! SR helps me with the "what ifs", I know what the future could have been like. The story is the same in the end. What lies ahead? more misery, guaranteed, when the person is still in deep denial.

I am 3 years out and am also thinking about XABF sometimes. I am glad I did not stick around for decades waiting for a miracle. I feel I was given a chance to live a different life. And for that am grateful.

Hugs!!

blwninthewind

I just wanted to bump.

Posts like this give the rest of us hope.