shaun00 step 3
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
shaun00 step 3
Looking back over the last, say..18/24 months i see how my dependence on god has become non existent....how quickly i picked up the reins again and become all powerful.
I guess for me the book sums it up perfect....always in collision with something or someone...the evidence is stark....same as step one really, Im drawing on my experience of the results of my will running riot through life....Constantly fiddling and adjusting life..for my own gain..regardless of consequences to others...
Ive spent some time over the last two days asking myself this question....Did i take my FIRST step 2/3 completely in the mind?.....or was it at a deep gut level?
If that was the case......then at best my 2/3 last time was fragile because, i cant really make decisions in my mind sanely or how can that decision be trusted KNOWING my thinking is still deluded..?......
I believe that steps 2/3 need to be made on a deep gut level...much like that gut level instinct in step one...i am truly screwed.
This time i offered myself (my will and my life to god)...strange feeling of being kinda scared and relieved all at the same time....gut level?.....i reckon it is...but still find myself bouncing it around in my mind...
I guess i need to ask myself this....do i believe god can run my life...and the answer is a resounding yes...has once, so im sure he will again if i earnestly seek him and ask him to ..take the whole deal cos i make a mighty fine balls-up of it...
experience with that gut level decision would be helpful...or maybe i should just shut up/accept and get out my pad and pen ...
I guess for me the book sums it up perfect....always in collision with something or someone...the evidence is stark....same as step one really, Im drawing on my experience of the results of my will running riot through life....Constantly fiddling and adjusting life..for my own gain..regardless of consequences to others...
Ive spent some time over the last two days asking myself this question....Did i take my FIRST step 2/3 completely in the mind?.....or was it at a deep gut level?
If that was the case......then at best my 2/3 last time was fragile because, i cant really make decisions in my mind sanely or how can that decision be trusted KNOWING my thinking is still deluded..?......
I believe that steps 2/3 need to be made on a deep gut level...much like that gut level instinct in step one...i am truly screwed.
This time i offered myself (my will and my life to god)...strange feeling of being kinda scared and relieved all at the same time....gut level?.....i reckon it is...but still find myself bouncing it around in my mind...
I guess i need to ask myself this....do i believe god can run my life...and the answer is a resounding yes...has once, so im sure he will again if i earnestly seek him and ask him to ..take the whole deal cos i make a mighty fine balls-up of it...
experience with that gut level decision would be helpful...or maybe i should just shut up/accept and get out my pad and pen ...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Wow. I would've loved to discuss this Step for weeks (and we still can), but the real test of a thorough Step 3 is being able to see enough truth in Step 4. Step 3 is a total decision for me. I've seen the futility and frustration of my life without God. Now, I'm making a decision to bring this power into my life, whatever that may bring.
There's a lot of willingness involved in Step 3.
There's a lot of willingness involved in Step 3.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Shaun,my sponsor had asked me to answer some questions before I went to step 3.You may remember those questions I posted in step 2
the big book question
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success
after a while I came to that conclusion,any life,not just mine but any life run on self will is not a success
that was a most important question
later on I found out why
the question,either God is or He ain`t
another important question
time to get the Keystone of the Archway to Freedom in place.....
I then knew what direction I must go in,and I did.Sure I felt funny,the bondage of self resisted any move towards sanity or God,and I was right where I was supposed to be at that moment.
My sponsor and I talked over the phone,and we set a date for me to go to his house and do step 3
I got there,and we went into his office.He had a BIG candle lit,a big beautiful candle.
we chatted a minute,and then we both got on out knees and he held my right hand,and said,I got your hand,and God has the other,do it your way when you are ready.I did not read a prayer out of a book,instead I surrendered to God,to trust and relie on Him for everything as best I could from now on.He was going o be my director,employer,Father etc from then on to this day.
When we got up I sat down and he sat down behind his desk.
He read a portion out of the big book while I listened......
he started on page 63 I think where the paragraph started with "Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, "
and read to page page 64 where the paragraph ends with "We listed people, institutions or principles with who we were angry. "
He explained to me what my next set of directions was,and I was to make out a grudge list,according to the big book,of people, institutions or principles with who I were angry.
Forget resentments,look for any anger,past or present.
He said,I am going to leave the room for excally 15 minutes,and here is what you do.
pray this:
God,please have me do this work the way you want me to do it,pl show me the truth about myself.
then the 3rd step prayer
and then
pls help me to be fearless,though,honest and searching ...thank you!
I was to pray that set of prayers,nothing more,nothing less every time I opened the big book or my notebook to write down any 4th step stuff.Nothing more was needed or useful.That set of prayers was sufficient.
ok,he also said for me to write down any name that popped into my head just as fast as I could,to not think on it because God was running the show,he was giving me what to write,if I thought,I would ruin God`s plan for my life.
My only job was to write what He gave me,listing each name only once.
I did that excally as he directed me to do from the clear cut directions in the big book.
15 minutes later my sponsor came back into the room.
I had close to 100 names on my list in 15 short minutes.I did not think,I just wrote.
God gave me that,and I was surprised how easy it flowed out of me onto paper.What a giant relief.
the last decision I ever have to make was that step 3,the rest is up to God if I live these steps the best I can from here out.Takes a load of these shoulders.I no longer have to manage thing,just pray and follow directions.
Peace was coming in slowly as the anger flowed out onto paper.
when I got there that day,I was in step 2 of the process,when I left,I had a new employer and was on step 4
what a time I had that day -I shall never forget!It changed my life
the big book question
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success
after a while I came to that conclusion,any life,not just mine but any life run on self will is not a success
that was a most important question
later on I found out why
the question,either God is or He ain`t
another important question
time to get the Keystone of the Archway to Freedom in place.....
I then knew what direction I must go in,and I did.Sure I felt funny,the bondage of self resisted any move towards sanity or God,and I was right where I was supposed to be at that moment.
My sponsor and I talked over the phone,and we set a date for me to go to his house and do step 3
I got there,and we went into his office.He had a BIG candle lit,a big beautiful candle.
we chatted a minute,and then we both got on out knees and he held my right hand,and said,I got your hand,and God has the other,do it your way when you are ready.I did not read a prayer out of a book,instead I surrendered to God,to trust and relie on Him for everything as best I could from now on.He was going o be my director,employer,Father etc from then on to this day.
When we got up I sat down and he sat down behind his desk.
He read a portion out of the big book while I listened......
he started on page 63 I think where the paragraph started with "Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, "
and read to page page 64 where the paragraph ends with "We listed people, institutions or principles with who we were angry. "
He explained to me what my next set of directions was,and I was to make out a grudge list,according to the big book,of people, institutions or principles with who I were angry.
Forget resentments,look for any anger,past or present.
He said,I am going to leave the room for excally 15 minutes,and here is what you do.
pray this:
God,please have me do this work the way you want me to do it,pl show me the truth about myself.
then the 3rd step prayer
and then
pls help me to be fearless,though,honest and searching ...thank you!
I was to pray that set of prayers,nothing more,nothing less every time I opened the big book or my notebook to write down any 4th step stuff.Nothing more was needed or useful.That set of prayers was sufficient.
ok,he also said for me to write down any name that popped into my head just as fast as I could,to not think on it because God was running the show,he was giving me what to write,if I thought,I would ruin God`s plan for my life.
My only job was to write what He gave me,listing each name only once.
I did that excally as he directed me to do from the clear cut directions in the big book.
15 minutes later my sponsor came back into the room.
I had close to 100 names on my list in 15 short minutes.I did not think,I just wrote.
God gave me that,and I was surprised how easy it flowed out of me onto paper.What a giant relief.
the last decision I ever have to make was that step 3,the rest is up to God if I live these steps the best I can from here out.Takes a load of these shoulders.I no longer have to manage thing,just pray and follow directions.
Peace was coming in slowly as the anger flowed out onto paper.
when I got there that day,I was in step 2 of the process,when I left,I had a new employer and was on step 4
what a time I had that day -I shall never forget!It changed my life
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by shaun00 
Ive spent some time over the last two days asking myself this question....Did i take my FIRST step 2/3 completely in the mind?.....or was it at a deep gut level?
Part of this step says that we make that decision to rely on God as we understand God, and though what I have eventually ended up with (for now) isn't strictly a concept of a "personal God" or a concept unique to me, for any deepening (to the gut/soul level) to occur, I had to have something of an understanding of who/what God was to me (not what I agreed with or didn't agree with in the borrowed God I was using up to that point). But I couldn't get there until I took the rest of the steps. It was a paradox, and it humbled me, perfectionist that I fancied myself to be.
And even after my first journey through the steps, sitting with the first woman who asked me to work with her, I still felt shaky, like maybe some of this was just in my head. It wasn't until later that I began to understand the importance of "practicing" these principles.
A friend from my academic life gifted me with a coffee mug she made decorated with quotes from some of my favorite authors. Here's one that appears on it:
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
~Henry David Thoreau
~Henry David Thoreau
Keep trudging, sean.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Tommyh
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success
It's a funny thing, the better my life is going, the more things are going MY way...or the way I want them to go, the the more quickly I forget. I suppose that's natural........but I don't like it all that much.
On the other hand, when life comes crashing down on me......as the result of my power.....my rule.....my playing God, then suddenly this 3rd step requirement looms large......again.....making it all too clear to even my power-drunk eyes.
It appears, in the end, that even my failures in my attempt to play God are.....well......to my benefit. The futility of my attempts invariably lead to pain and that pain eventually leads me back to God. So, I suppose there's good in my inevitable wanderings from the spiritual path.
In the past, it was very easy for me to get VERY down on myself for my failings. Which, funny enough, is just more of me playing God only on these occasions I'm sitting in judgement of myself which, again, leads to more pain and hopefully back to the spiritual path yet again.... on an altogether deeper level.
And the beat rolls on...... All I can say is thank goodness I'm not in this alone - that I have God with me, helping me along and carrying me when I'm totally lost.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Did I take my FIRST step 2/3 completely in the mind?.....or was it at a deep gut level?
you know Shaun,I think,in my own case only,the degree I take that first step lays the groundwork for the second step questions my sponsor had me ask myself
either God (as I understand Him) is or He isn`t
no gray just black and white
you know Shaun,I think,in my own case only,the degree I take that first step lays the groundwork for the second step questions my sponsor had me ask myself
either God (as I understand Him) is or He isn`t
no gray just black and white
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
Do I surrender or am I surrendered? I think I am surrendered, by God's grace. I do not believe I am so powerful that "I" can bring about my own surrender. Nor do I think: "I" can reduce my own ego, "I" can eliminate my own selfishness and self-centeredness and/or "I" can smash my delusions and rid myself of my old ideas. If "I" could do these things, I wouldn't need a God of my understanding and/or the process of the steps.
I think what happens is that I cease fighting and struggling, I appeal to God for help, I trust that He will help me and I leave the outcome in His hands. My life is none of my business; my recovery is none of my business. My job is to seek Him and to seek to do His will; His job is to change me in whatever way and in whatever time and with whatever priority He desires to have happen.
I love the image of the potter at work, molding and transforming a lump of clay at His wheel. I am that lump of clay. The God of my understanding is the Master Potter. What will He make of the clay? No one knows. It could be a vase, a pitcher, a bowl, a plate, or any number of items, common or unique. He works with expert hands; He knows exactly what He is doing; and whatever He makes will be a work of art.
Susan
I think what happens is that I cease fighting and struggling, I appeal to God for help, I trust that He will help me and I leave the outcome in His hands. My life is none of my business; my recovery is none of my business. My job is to seek Him and to seek to do His will; His job is to change me in whatever way and in whatever time and with whatever priority He desires to have happen.
I love the image of the potter at work, molding and transforming a lump of clay at His wheel. I am that lump of clay. The God of my understanding is the Master Potter. What will He make of the clay? No one knows. It could be a vase, a pitcher, a bowl, a plate, or any number of items, common or unique. He works with expert hands; He knows exactly what He is doing; and whatever He makes will be a work of art.
Susan
Awakening...
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
Well,
My Step Three may sound New Age-y but I look at this Step as the decision to walk the spiritual path and open myself to the transformative power of the process (that is the rest of the Steps.)
My Step Three may sound New Age-y but I look at this Step as the decision to walk the spiritual path and open myself to the transformative power of the process (that is the rest of the Steps.)
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
i had quiet a profound experience on step 3....before i even took it "offically" with my sponsor....i was visiting the local monastary one sunday afternoon...me and my friend george...we listened to a service and i spoke to God....i knew there and then i had made my commitment...it was emotional.i said to my friend George after "i think ive just taken my 3rd step George"....do i believe mine was on a gut level...yes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Sounds like an Epiphany charmie.....not a visible thing more of a huge displacement of feelings and knowing the direction we should take....ive had times in special places that have reduce my to tears...there are times that go well beyond a god consciousness.....for me it can only be articulated as god real presence..because i know for a fact he has sat with me before...on a number of occasions...my tears are of joy...like a lad that finally finds his father after losing him for a while.....its a powerful thing......actually.....Its the most powerful thing ...
Some years ago ....i had an experience in a monastery chapel .....after that experience, i knew on a very deep level that my drinking was done...i had no idea how or when...and in fact i went on drinking, still consumed by the physical and mental....BUT i knew...within a few months i was sober and in AA....."strangely" booze had stopped working....it was no longer pulling the shutters down.....divine intervention...
Some years ago ....i had an experience in a monastery chapel .....after that experience, i knew on a very deep level that my drinking was done...i had no idea how or when...and in fact i went on drinking, still consumed by the physical and mental....BUT i knew...within a few months i was sober and in AA....."strangely" booze had stopped working....it was no longer pulling the shutters down.....divine intervention...
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