Eliasson

So all of my "old" friends are in Las Vegas this weekend. Because I don't drink, an invitation was not even extended to me. I know that it would not be a place I really should be, so why am I so upset, hurt, and practically in tears? My sponsor says I am grieving. Honestly, it's been 5 months and I still haven't figured out how to have fun or relax without drinking. Alcohol was truly my "social lubricant". Without it I am shy, boring, anxious, at a loss for words. When will this get better? Will I ever have fun again or feel comfortable in my own skin? I can't imagine going the rest of my life like this. My friends are leaving me behind. I feel alone and sad and hopeless. Will I ever feel confident? When will "not drinking" just come naturally and not consume my every waking (and sleeping) moment? I feel like my best friend has died. It's almost like things are getting harder, not easier, the longer I am sober. Sorry to be so negative. I could really use some E,S & H. Thank you.

Dee74

Hi Eliasson

I'm sorry.

I had to make new friends or reconnect with old ones who'd drifted away when I started drinking - most of the ones I had when drinking were only interested in one thing, and that was the thing that would kill me.

I find it hard to make new friends but I put myself out there (I found volunteering was a good way to do that, I also reconnected with some hobbies, and some community groups) and gradually made up a new social circle....

Las Vegas doesn't sound like that much fun not drinking and being around a bunch of boozers tho, does it?

D

2granddaughters

Get with your sponsor and go to meetings.

The very best thing that works for me is to try to help someone else. Gets me outta me !!

This too shall pass and yes, we grieve our lost drinking days. Thanks for your post.

Bob R.

HenryKrinkle

Can you go see a clinical therapist? I think sitting down on a regular basis and talking through some of your feelings, 1 on 1, with a trained professional might help. Also, I don't know how you feel about anti-depressants, but I know a few people who have been helped by them. They don't solve your problems or suddenly make you happy or super social, but they do make you feel like you are back on solid ground which puts you in a better position to understand and start to work through the feelings.

For me personally, when you said

it really stuck a chord with me as that is how I feel. I started an AD this week and I am going in to see an anxiety therapist next week to start talking through things to try and get in a better place. I'm finally starting to feel like I have a plan to try and get better and I'm feeling a little bit of hope for the first time in a few weeks.

Maybe something like this could work for you too...

soberlicious

ok then these people are not "friends" because that's just weird. Excluding someone because they don't drink...who does that?! Drunks do that...that's who.

Personally I think a trip to Vegas sounds fab...but not with a bunch of losers. A trip with real friends (you know...those people who support you when you make positive choices and call you on it when you don't...friends) to see the lights, shows, music, slots...
I know everyone doesn't agree with this and I'm only sharing my personal experience here, but I don't stay away from places I enjoy just because alcohol is around. I do not drink, but I certainly live.
As far as confidence, for me it took practice. Facing fears, big and small, and riding the momentum that creates...that's empowering for me. I actually do the things now that I only drunkenly blabbered about before.
I agree with Dee...put yourself out there

DarkDays

I would LOVE to go to Vegas Sober ! My holiday In NYC last October was a sober holiday on my last quit and it was truly amazing, I loved getting up early walking about people watching etc the best holiday ever.

Feel sorry for how you feel really hope things improve for you, I am pretty sure they will.

Fubarcdn

Do not be too hard on your friends.
Maybe the reason they excluded you is they are trying to keep you away from temptation and are being good friends by not putting your sobriety in harms way.
Although right now I am sure that is not what it seems remember that things are seldom the way they appear to be.
Congratulations on five months you are doing great.
Dee's advice is solid consider some of that to become more socially active.
Hang in there.

SSIL75

I do think talking to someone would help. I think you have a lot going on that is not recovery related at all (not that you shouldn't discuss it here. But I fear you are blaming alcohol/recovery for things that they have nothing to do with).

You have difficult decisions to make in your life before you can move on, I think. I do hope you'll enlist the help of a qualified therapist so you can start to enjoy your life.

Dazee

I am really sorry this happened to you. Being excluded or not invited to an event that at least might appear to be fun HURTS!!
I've been down and out in my life before - and not due to alcohol but anxiety and depression. I found out who my real friends are. And when I say this, I don't mean other people were bad or phony. I just found out who was willing to reach out and continue to care about me. I hope you feel better soon. I'm glad you are here.

Take care of yourself. ((Hugs))

soberlicious

I agree with this, but real friends would have a dialogue about it, not just exclude, imo.
I have many friends that drink, and they let me make the decisions about what situations I'm comfortable with. They don't make those decisions for me.

jocata

I had to change my circle of friends when I first got sober. I've never been one to have alot of friends anyway. I knew alot of people, but only had a few close friends.

It's the same way in recovery. I hang close to a few others who are in recovery as well. The majority of my those that are friends today I've met in AA and in church, and on here of course.

God bless.