Thlayli

Just venting about my stupid co-dependent-feeling self :P

Pleasant day today. Work went well, AH happy after work, DS did fine in daycare, everything as it should be.

While we are fixing dinner AH (I don't say RAH because he doesn't do 12-step) starts talking about how he's been thinking about getting into running again and that there is a half-marathon he was interested in. I was immediately enthused and talked about how I had also thought about taking up running a bit and that maybe we could work on some of it together. He looked unhappy and after chatting a bit I found out that he didn't think I would be able to train with him and keep up. He is probably right since I was getting half-marathon mixed up with a 5k.

His mood quickly soured after that. He commented on how I was cooking part of the meal, got mad at himself for not letting me do it my way (I didn't care...I'm not territorial about my cooking) and then wouldn't talk. He got his plate, sat down to eat with us and after about 2 bites got up, scraped his plate and started doing dishes and cleaning up. I asked if he felt alright. "Yeah." I asked if his stomach was bothering him. "No. Just do me a favor and leave me alone."

Immediate sick and panic-y feelings.

I did well in that I did actually leave him alone. Before I would have badgered him to tell me what was wrong until he retreated into bed early. However, I felt (feel) like crap and was much more terse with my toddler than I normally would be. DH played games online until I put DS to bed. He asked me for help on a crossword puzzle later and seemed more normal but then suddenly decided he needed to go to bed.

I think he's being a big baby...but then I turn into a big baby too and let his tantrum spoil the way I feel. It's very hard for me to get out of feeling like "F*ck you!" when he gets like this.

On the positive side, he's not drinking and he's made huge strides in stress-management in the past few months and, as I mentioned before, at least I didn't do the pursue, beg, badger dance.

Vent over I guess.

TMZ

Thanks for sharing/venting.

Sounds like your getting a handle on it. I hate it that they still have that "A behavior" still months after quitting too. But I guess it takes time for there system to get back to normal.

keep working on YOU.

Ann

I am the Queen of Reactions, not something to be proud of. I am a redhead who is like a sponge to what is happening around me. It's not a good way to be.

I learned to "wait" take pause and "think" before I spoke or took action. Sometimes I'd just walk away and give myself time to cool. Sometimes I would "self talk" saying that I do not own anyone else's bad behaviour and that this isn't about me, doesn't belong to me and I don't have to own it by reacting.

Deep breathing, change of scenery, taking time to think...all help me get past the "reaction" stage and move into the "action with thought" stage...now I am back in control of my own feelings once again.

Hugs

Kindeyes

Sounds like you handled things pretty well to me.

I am a slow learner. It took me a really long time to figure out that no reaction is sometimes the best reaction. I actually prided myself on the "honesty" of my reactions. They were honest alright and totally lacked any self control. Lol.

You are looking at yourself. That's a good thing because it's what you have control over. He owns his own feelings and reactions and you left him alone to deal with them. That sounds like progress to me.

gentle hugs
ke

Tuffgirl

OMG yes - this is an area that even with the RAH's 1+ year of sobriety, I still have the "old me" reactions and like Ann says above, have to really be aware of my thoughts/emotions/physical sensations to stop. my. mouth. before. it. opens!!!

Progress...not perfection, right?! ; )

Ann

I love that old prayer that goes something like...."Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth."

Hanna

It sounds like you both actually communicated really well; you figured out why he wasn't excited about training with you and he was direct in asking to be left alone.

That you are writing about how you felt is really good, in my opinion. It's okay that you had bad feelings about this stuff ~ that's normal. Acknowledging those bad feelings to yourself and exploring what exactly made you feel that way will lead to not feeling so icky next time. I think that for most compassionate people it is a learning process to let someone else's bad mood effect them, especially with someone they love.

Growth is difficult sometimes, but still good!