Luckyv2

I was sitting here tonight just wondering how many times I had what I called a "Wake Up Call" and no it wasn't any dope. The wake up call that I needed to do something different not knowing what it could be.

A lady from here, I have known a long time and she and I have kept in contact for the past I believe 6 or 7 years. I have been in and out of the Program all these years on the Internet although more in if that makes any sense.

The last time I didn't think I had a prayer left. August 18, 2010, as I walk out to take the trash out after heavy using and abusing. I leaned on the Trash Can that was in the alley, bowed my head, looked up at the blue sky, than said, "Please, whoever, whatever, it doesn't matter. I can't be where I am, nor do I want to be here ever again." Than I ended up talking to my friend.

She told me or should I say "SUGGESTED STRONGLY" that I make what she called a Timeline of my Using. I would write down, what I used, when I used it, and what was the consequence of each use. Now for some reason here I think I might be missing something. Anyhooo

I looked at that paper long enough that was at the table for awhile. I picked up a pen, got some paper, and I started to write. Also another friend of mine from On-Line mentioned in one of her post that she was going to start, "Before I even turn on my computer, I am going to have my quiet time with God." I thought after I read that statement, I too would apply that part to my life.

All these things started in 2010.

August 18, 2010

So what was it that did wake me Up Personally?

When someone starts to use with their Kids, you know that there isn't much more of a bottom if anything other than death."

What Woke You UP?

desertsong

Well, I had lots of horrible moments ... most had to do with my kids seeing me drunk, stumbling, and incoherent. What finally woke me up after two relapses was getting absolutely trashed on Christmas Eve ... calling my 16 year old son a "little mother f***er," and then falling down on some furniture and breaking some ribs. The next day, Christmas, I was wickedly hungover and had to spend the entire day trying to make up for the night before. I ruined everyone's holiday and felt just gut-wrenching SICK about it. It was another week before I really decided, "This is IT." For the last time. I will not go back there. Just thinking of what my son's face must have looked like when I said that to him (I don't remember saying it, I was blacked out) is horrifying. What mother talks like that to her child?

I got sober December 31, 2011, and haven't looked back. And guess what? My son is my biggest supporter and cheerleader. God, I love that kid.

Luckyv2

Kids are totally awesome! Mine took a little longer but now I feel so much support after gaining their trust!

Congrats on your sobriety! and for sharing!

desertsong

They are, Chance. He's heard me say "this is it" so many times, and was always there to cheer me on ... and always so disappointed when I failed. But he's never given up on me. Every day, he says, "So .... did you go to AA today?", and I say, "Yes, I did," and he gives me a high-five and a big hug and tells me how proud he is of me. If I ever needed the motivation and support to keep on keepin' on, it's coming from him.

Thanks for the support, as well. Workin' on my 30 day chip! Not so far away now.

Ksquared87

Getting taken to jail for the second time in 6 months for an alcohol related offenses. When I got out my family staged a small intervention. Hearing all the anguish that I had caused everyone in the family was an eye-opening experience. What probably hurt the most was hearing my 18 year old cousin tell me that I was the reason that she didn't drink...that really, really stuck with me.

aasharon90

My kids tried to wake me up that last
day of vaction bible school in Aug. 1990,
to no avail, then in a faint distance in
my mind, i heard the ringing of my landline
phone next to my bed.

I reached for it as my slurred voice tried
to talk to hear a voice ask me where my
kids were. It was my mother in law eventually
yelling at me to get up out of the bed.

Later that day a family intervention took
place where the authorities came to take
me away in a police car to rehab.

To this day, that "WAKE UP CALL" was my
HP calling me to tell me He wasnt thru with
me yet.

That was 21 yrs ago when i enter the doors
of recovery for a life long journey. Today Im
still on that journey.

least

for me it wasn't one special moment, more like an endless parade of mornings waking up hating myself and feeling like i was going to die. it finally was too much and i stopped for good - over two years now.

Luckyv2

Thanks everyone for sharing. This really does help the new and Old people to realize that we are never alone!

Good to see you Least...

flutter

I had a few moments that should have been labeled my "bottom", but my final bottom was when I was sent home from work at 9am, drunk.. home to a husband who let me know he was done and planning to divorce me. I haven't drank since that day, and thankfully I'm still employed and married.

Anna

Yeah, I too, had a few situations that should have been bottoms, but sadly were not. It was a culmination of my two teenagers being totally frustrated with me, my husband had basically given up and my health was literally falling apart.

Thankfully, I am still married, still employed and healthy. And, I just welcomed my 4th grandchild into the world last week. When I think how close I came to missing all of this, it takes my breath away.

JBhere

2nd day sober here, what I hope woke me up is losing my 2nd job now and facing possible jail and the difficulty of finding another job due to a criminal(alochol related) record. When I look back, enough of the times that I drank have resulted in serious consequences.

Even though I will miss drinking( I wont lie), I know I cant anymore. I didnt realize how expensive it was costing me, its now cost another job, and it could possible cost me my home. Ive already lost a GF, 2 cars, 2 jobs, and countless $ to this disease.

This is serious stuff when it comes right down to it.

MsJax

Like least, it wasn't one specific thing, it was the accumulation. The sickness every morning, the having to drink on the way to work, the daily blackouts,the numbness, the dropping the ball. By the end I knew I was hanging by a thread and that thread was just about to break.

It wasn't even after a particularily bad drunk, just a "normal" one. I woke up on March 23, 2011 & I knew without a doubt that my life was a complete disaster and that I was going to die from my disease if I did not stop.

I am so very thankful for my sobriety.

Ranger

I got caught.

midgetcop

The last drinking day did it for me - it was the first morning that I'd woken up and *needed* a drink almost immediately. I dropped my fiance off at work at 9am and came home and poured myself about 3 consecutive shots of rum. This broke multiple "rules" I had about drinking: drinking before noon, and drinking straight liquor (I was 99% of the time a beer drinker).

I knew I was crossing a line into a deeper level of dependency. I knew that this moment was a crucial one: stop drinking NOW or go down this rabbit hole and lose everything that I'd worked so hard for.

On a deeper level I'm sure I was also thinking about my father, who died earlier in the summer due to alcohol related illnesses. I didn't know the man well, nor did I overly mourn his passing, but I know that I do NOT want to die the same way.

I'm thankful for that clarity, and thankful that I've done this for myself.

Rusty Zipper

i was exausted trying to keep up the game

quitforme79

I ended up with a severe case of gastritis and reflux once again from drinking but this time I could barely swalllow my esophagus was so inflamed. I went to the hospital and they gave me stuff to numb my throat--what an anxious awful feeling. My next step somewhere down the line would be a stricture in my esophagus the dr said. That's where you just bleed out and there's nothing they can do. I also didn't want to live anymore the last month of drinking. I found myself planning how I would "do it" or see images of myself dead in my apartment. I wrote letters to the people I loved most. And then realized how sad they would be and how foolish I was being as there was a way out---not drinking..so here I am, 13 days. Almost lost my 2nd job last bender (last time I drank) but manager was so understanding she made me cry. Today , I feel gratfeul, supported and on the right track. I know I have a lot of work to do but I am choosing to push forward without the posion. Amazing what just a couple of weeks can do for the human mind and body. Thanks for starting this thread

nickm

I woke on the floor of a friends townhouse. I was laying next to a small dogs potty training pad about 6 inches from my face. Later that night with only one memory of what had transpired, vomiting, and shakes. I started thinking about how embarrassed I was, to ashamed to even ask what I had done(not the first time). So I took a little self assessment of myself, the person I had become and where I was going. This was never the person I wanted to be. I had dreams at one point. I had passions and interests. I have none of these left. Depressed, alone, and sick for far to long, I decided that I needed to change. The one thing that always seemed to be lingering, the one thing that always connected the dots was alcohol. I will never drink again

zfbnyc

For me it has been a long-time culmination of my drinking spiralling out of control. Doing things I swore I would never do (last Thanksgiving I got very drunk and drove home with my wife and 3-year old in the car. I regret that every day, I didn't even realize how drunk I was until I got home and could barely walk. I'm not a religious man, but I feel like someone must have been watching out for my family that day). Waking up every morning feeling sick. Explaining to my son that I am not mad at him, and I am sorry for yelling at him and acting crazy last night. Not to mention trying to explain to my wife why my credit card bill is so high every month (she doesn't know just how much I was drinking). I have also become increasingly concerned about my health and want to make sure I am around to see my son grow up, and more than that, that I am able to participate along the way. I am only on day 5 of abstaining, and it is very hard. I only just found this site today, but reading this and other topics really does help. Thanks.

MustStop

I mostly wrote it out in my thread but my GF left me. At first I blamed her, her mother but then it became evident that everything she said she was leaving for was directly tied to my drinking, most of the times her not even knowing about it. She called me one last time to have a serious talk and I was wasted. By the morning she said she was done, no repairing things and it was over. I didnt even remember our "serious talk" but all I was doing was being rude and discounting / denying everything she was saying.

I drank a couple nights after that, still in the blame stage until I realized this was totally on me because I am a drunk, I had ruined the relationship. That was it for me.

Compounded with living at a family members house, not being employed anymore and a magnitude of other factors directly tied to my excessive drinking. I am still angry with myself...its been 2 days sober. I want a better life and I will get there.

augustwest

It's funny because going to jail a dozen or more times, a prison sentence, losing jobs, girlfriends, friends, family, becoming a thief all weren't quite enough.

but through all that i awoke on 12/28/09 and simply said "I'm done"