Here and there
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Here and there
Here's a rambling post...I don't have the energy to make this comprehensible.
Been a little while...I take breaks from SR now and then.
Still sober. I'm hanging in there. 1024 days, baby.
I'm also getting fatter than ever.
Still haven't found a way to beat the food beastie. Too bad 'just don't eat no matter what' won't work. I'll get it...somehow...I haven't written myself off yet.
There's probably some new people here tired of hearing 'it gets better'. Well, it really does get better, at least the not-using part. When I quit the first time (and it wasn't the last time I quit), I was frightened--what was I going to do without booze? It was a part of my life. I felt like a piece of me died when I quit...and it took several starts and stops before I put it down for good*.
I drank to medicate for depression. When I finally got some help for it, that's when I stopped drinking. Unfortunately the therapy and the meds I was put on didn't work (that's a lengthy story for another day), but I'm hanging in there. I've discovered that no meds and no therapy is better than bad meds and bad therapy. While I don't recommend that anyone stop treatment, I'm proud of myself that I've managed to stay sober during this in-between difficult period. I have no idea where I'm going to go from here (I'm still pissed at how things happened with therapy and the uncontrollable doctor changes), but I know I'll be going 'there' sober.
Life isn't bland, dull or boring...it's anything but...although there are times when I'm really down and empty. After a while you stop thinking how much everything sucks because you aren't messed up. After a while you'll be relieved that you no longer have to sleep it off. You'll get used to having a 'clear mind'...it becomes a part of you...a sort of rebirth. You'll realize that you weren't doing anything in your life to make your life any better...and now you have the means to make a change. What was once impossible is within your grasp--you learn patience...and because you have patience you won't feel like a failure when you can't get instant gratification.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Please...hang in there. Don't give up--pick your ass up if you've fallen and move forward.
*I still hesitate to say 'for good'...I know full well that anything can happen and I've seen relapse happen to good people with good time here...yet I don't want to give myself an excuse to pick up again.
Been a little while...I take breaks from SR now and then.
Still sober. I'm hanging in there. 1024 days, baby.
I'm also getting fatter than ever.
Still haven't found a way to beat the food beastie. Too bad 'just don't eat no matter what' won't work. I'll get it...somehow...I haven't written myself off yet.There's probably some new people here tired of hearing 'it gets better'. Well, it really does get better, at least the not-using part. When I quit the first time (and it wasn't the last time I quit), I was frightened--what was I going to do without booze? It was a part of my life. I felt like a piece of me died when I quit...and it took several starts and stops before I put it down for good*.
I drank to medicate for depression. When I finally got some help for it, that's when I stopped drinking. Unfortunately the therapy and the meds I was put on didn't work (that's a lengthy story for another day), but I'm hanging in there. I've discovered that no meds and no therapy is better than bad meds and bad therapy. While I don't recommend that anyone stop treatment, I'm proud of myself that I've managed to stay sober during this in-between difficult period. I have no idea where I'm going to go from here (I'm still pissed at how things happened with therapy and the uncontrollable doctor changes), but I know I'll be going 'there' sober.
Life isn't bland, dull or boring...it's anything but...although there are times when I'm really down and empty. After a while you stop thinking how much everything sucks because you aren't messed up. After a while you'll be relieved that you no longer have to sleep it off. You'll get used to having a 'clear mind'...it becomes a part of you...a sort of rebirth. You'll realize that you weren't doing anything in your life to make your life any better...and now you have the means to make a change. What was once impossible is within your grasp--you learn patience...and because you have patience you won't feel like a failure when you can't get instant gratification.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Please...hang in there. Don't give up--pick your ass up if you've fallen and move forward.
*I still hesitate to say 'for good'...I know full well that anything can happen and I've seen relapse happen to good people with good time here...yet I don't want to give myself an excuse to pick up again.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Hi Bam! I'm glad you posted....I've missed your posts.
A huge congrats on that sober time!
When you said, "for good"....I think that is the BEST thing to say. I tell myself that all of the time. I will Never drink again. Never. I had enough of that nightmare.
Now, I may get an urge, or start thinking about it...then I will get my butt back here and tattle on myself and deal with whatever I need to deal with, but I will NOT drink. So, my point is, I think you (and myself!) are totally on the right track by being adamant that we won't drink. Will that stir up a storm with some folks? Don't care. For me, I just won't ever do that again. I can't.
As far as the weight goes....so what. You'll deal with that (or not) when the time is right. My word, you dealt with being a drunk and you've done Very Well! When it's time to deal with weight, you will.
I think I've found that with sobriety, I do work on my 'stuff'. It's taking awhile, but it's coming.
Okay, this post is like that song, InnaGoddaDaVita (it just won't end). My point is, I'm glad you're here. You will be sober forever. And you'll deal with the weight when you're damn good and ready.
Thanks, Bam.
A huge congrats on that sober time!
When you said, "for good"....I think that is the BEST thing to say. I tell myself that all of the time. I will Never drink again. Never. I had enough of that nightmare.
Now, I may get an urge, or start thinking about it...then I will get my butt back here and tattle on myself and deal with whatever I need to deal with, but I will NOT drink. So, my point is, I think you (and myself!) are totally on the right track by being adamant that we won't drink. Will that stir up a storm with some folks? Don't care. For me, I just won't ever do that again. I can't.
As far as the weight goes....so what. You'll deal with that (or not) when the time is right. My word, you dealt with being a drunk and you've done Very Well! When it's time to deal with weight, you will.
I think I've found that with sobriety, I do work on my 'stuff'. It's taking awhile, but it's coming.
Okay, this post is like that song, InnaGoddaDaVita (it just won't end). My point is, I'm glad you're here. You will be sober forever. And you'll deal with the weight when you're damn good and ready.
Thanks, Bam.
:ghug3
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