One Day At a Time...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Twentynine Palms Ca
Posts: 44
One Day At a Time...
So, many of you know my situation as of the last week. For those of you who don't, long story short:
I no longer was willing to tolerate my husbands drinking, so I set a boundary that even though I cannot control his drinking, I can control what I choose to be around. I told him that I no longer would tolerate alcohol in my home and around our kids, if he wanted to drink he can go somewhere else to do it and not come back until he is sober. If he refused to leave the house or drink @home then I would leave. Well he did not respect my boundary and so I went to my moms for a couple days.
UPDATE!: So I came back home Wed. night because my son had school. Because I left he had missed the first half of the week, which is totally not fair to him. But I also came back because my husband after me being gone for longer than expected started to accept the fact that he needs help. Im not sure how ready he is and he is still back and forth with it all but he is slowly headed toward getting sober.
He went to his chain of command Tuesday and told them everything that has been going on. They are trying to get him into treatment, but that is a mess so far. They make them go through this whole screening process and talk to all of these different people before anything even happens.
We saw our counselor yesterday (who is 17 years sober) and that went well. He gave my husband a meeting schedule and told him to get his ass to a meeting, and not to wait around for the military to do something about getting him help. At first he wasn't going to go because he was "tired" and the house needed to be cleaned up. After we talked about it (I told him that he needed to stop making excuses, I am more than capable of cleaning the house myself so that was a lame excuse) he ended up going to a meeting and he was glad that he did. He said that he wanted to go to one today as well.
We will see if he does or not, but thats in his hands and its his choice, not mine. But for today he is sober and trying (even if its not with as much effort as I WANT). I am taking it one day at a time too, and I accept that he may not do things the way that I want or with as much enthusiasm so to speak. But thats okay. I pray that he keeps it up. If not then I will still be alright because I am still taking care of me, and getting myself to a point where I am only dependent on one person...ME! And by dependent, I really mean financially, not emotionally.
I no longer was willing to tolerate my husbands drinking, so I set a boundary that even though I cannot control his drinking, I can control what I choose to be around. I told him that I no longer would tolerate alcohol in my home and around our kids, if he wanted to drink he can go somewhere else to do it and not come back until he is sober. If he refused to leave the house or drink @home then I would leave. Well he did not respect my boundary and so I went to my moms for a couple days.
UPDATE!: So I came back home Wed. night because my son had school. Because I left he had missed the first half of the week, which is totally not fair to him. But I also came back because my husband after me being gone for longer than expected started to accept the fact that he needs help. Im not sure how ready he is and he is still back and forth with it all but he is slowly headed toward getting sober.
He went to his chain of command Tuesday and told them everything that has been going on. They are trying to get him into treatment, but that is a mess so far. They make them go through this whole screening process and talk to all of these different people before anything even happens.
We saw our counselor yesterday (who is 17 years sober) and that went well. He gave my husband a meeting schedule and told him to get his ass to a meeting, and not to wait around for the military to do something about getting him help. At first he wasn't going to go because he was "tired" and the house needed to be cleaned up. After we talked about it (I told him that he needed to stop making excuses, I am more than capable of cleaning the house myself so that was a lame excuse) he ended up going to a meeting and he was glad that he did. He said that he wanted to go to one today as well.
We will see if he does or not, but thats in his hands and its his choice, not mine. But for today he is sober and trying (even if its not with as much effort as I WANT). I am taking it one day at a time too, and I accept that he may not do things the way that I want or with as much enthusiasm so to speak. But thats okay. I pray that he keeps it up. If not then I will still be alright because I am still taking care of me, and getting myself to a point where I am only dependent on one person...ME! And by dependent, I really mean financially, not emotionally.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Well that's a step in the right direction! Good for you!
One day at a time was one of my biggest challenges. Took me a long time to stop worrying and future-tripping, or looking over my shoulder at the past and being angry. But in time, it became easier and easier, and now feels like my new normal. Almost. not always!; )
The military can be slow as molasses with their bureaucracy. AA meetings are always available. Glad to hear he went and it wasn't so bad. Maybe he'll keep going. Have you tried any Al-Anon meetings?
One day at a time was one of my biggest challenges. Took me a long time to stop worrying and future-tripping, or looking over my shoulder at the past and being angry. But in time, it became easier and easier, and now feels like my new normal. Almost. not always!; )
The military can be slow as molasses with their bureaucracy. AA meetings are always available. Glad to hear he went and it wasn't so bad. Maybe he'll keep going. Have you tried any Al-Anon meetings?
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
I'll be a little more direct than Tuffgirl who is way nicer than me. This is good news, but if you don't start going to Alanon a piece of the puzzle will be missing. A big piece.
Of course it's your decision, but I'm telling you now you are at the beginning of a long journey and without Alanon you are not wearing the proper shoes. In fact, in many relationships when the alcoholic begins to heal if the spouse is not also working on themself the relationship fails anyway.
That's one of the many reasons why they call it a family disease even when only one party is drinking.
Cyranoak
Of course it's your decision, but I'm telling you now you are at the beginning of a long journey and without Alanon you are not wearing the proper shoes. In fact, in many relationships when the alcoholic begins to heal if the spouse is not also working on themself the relationship fails anyway.
That's one of the many reasons why they call it a family disease even when only one party is drinking.
Cyranoak
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 24
I'd recommend Al-anon too, SR is great but there's something more you get from being physically present with people who have experienced similar things to you.
I've only been to a couple of meetings so far but it's already helped so much.
Glad things are moving in the right direction.
I've only been to a couple of meetings so far but it's already helped so much.
Glad things are moving in the right direction.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Twentynine Palms Ca
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Cyranoak 
I'll be a little more direct than Tuffgirl who is way nicer than me. This is good news, but if you don't start going to Alanon a piece of the puzzle will be missing. A big piece.
Of course it's your decision, but I'm telling you now you are at the beginning of a long journey and without Alanon you are not wearing the proper shoes. In fact, in many relationships when the alcoholic begins to heal if the spouse is not also working on themself the relationship fails anyway.
That's one of the many reasons why they call it a family disease even when only one party is drinking.
Cyranoak
Of course it's your decision, but I'm telling you now you are at the beginning of a long journey and without Alanon you are not wearing the proper shoes. In fact, in many relationships when the alcoholic begins to heal if the spouse is not also working on themself the relationship fails anyway.
That's one of the many reasons why they call it a family disease even when only one party is drinking.
Cyranoak
There are so many people I know that have just as many issues, if not more, when their qualifier gets sober. I know that I need to continue to take care of me, whatever he chooses to do with his life.
Thank you all for the support!!
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