kykat

My ex, who I have not seen for a couple of months, but still talk to has been calling more often. He is still drinking and will stop for a week or so and then right back to it. He keeps telling me that if I would just marry him, he would stop drinking and I know that is not true. He has lost his job, which he says if not his fault, of course. I know all the details as we worked at the same place and management went way beyond the call of duty to excuse him until it just got so out of hand they were having to call people in and pay overtime because he didn't show up. He still doesn't see it has being his fault. I am not a mean spirited person who can just shut the door on him and not try to be supportive, but I can't marry this guy. I have been a single mom for 14 years and have 2 sons still at home. I really don't want to try to raise another one. I just need some help in knowing what to do. I am mentally exhausted.

hope40

I so understand your situation!! My ex even went to prison for his legal issues with alcohol and still blames everything and everyone else. I am also a loving caring person. I have a daughter 10 and a son 19. I have had issues with my ex for 5yrs. He still texts me and swears he loves me and if we could be together or live together he would stop. Bullcrap!!! He can be a good man sober but will never change till he can see he has chose this life style. With that said, I allowed this man in my life doing his drunken behavior, along with in the beginning even drinking with him around my children. Now I face the same drunken behavior but worse from my son. He gets drunk to the point of black out all the time and during that state comes after me in a rage. I blame myself for allowing what I did in my life because I showed my son I would allow it and forgive it. Please stand strong no matter what for your children. Being a single mother is hard I have been single for 6yrs now. You can never take out what they see and learn from you. :'(
hope40

EnglishGarden

"Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews is an excellent book for building backbone to protect yourself against the manipulations of an alcoholic.

Continue to draw a protective boundary around your children and home.

Wishing you a healthy life with sane and trustworthy people.

kykat

Hope40 I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Funny how I always thought I was a pretty intelligent woman, but this man sure makes me question my own sanity sometimes.
And to English Garden, thanks for the tip about the book. I will sure find me a copy of that one.

suki44883

So glad to know that you realize you can't marry this guy. There are so many people who have come here and told their story, and no matter how many of us begged them not to marry the guy, they did. Then, before long, they are back crying about how the guy didn't change and things are worse and yada, yada. No disrespect meant, but when you've been warned multiple times by people who have been there, but you don't heed those warnings, what do you expect?

You sound like a smart, level-headed person and that is such an advantage in these situations. Just because we care for someone doesn't mean we have to subject ourselves to marrying them or living with them.

kykat

thank you suki4483. I do know enough not to marry him. I have worked way to hard and raised 3 fine young men to let my guard down that much, plus I have a wonderful relationship with my sons and I don't want to lose their respect over someone who has no self-respect. I am sure at some point I am just going to have to avoid all conversations with him. I have been strong in saying "don't call me when you are drinking" and so far I have held strong to that one.

outtolunch

There is nothing mean spirited about protecting your own sanity and emotional well being.

dollydo

To me, it sounds like you are thinking with your head and not your heart, this is good.

He is your ex....perhaps it's time to E X P A N D on that premiss.

Take care of your and your children,