womaninprogress

I don't know if you know my story.....broke up with my XABF about four months ago. Two years of off again on again with this man. Loved him with all I had, and lost him to alcohol.

Over the holiday season my mother was diagnosed with liver cancer. (recovered A 20+ years). So my XABF heard about it and over the holidays was texting me regularly, words of support about my mom, wishing me well ect.

Two weeks ago I agreed to meet him, and I was so shocked. He has put on alot of weight, he was sober and looked healthy. So we've been texting daily and he invited me to stop by his place anytime. So I did text him when I was in his neighborhood about a minute from his place and stopped over. His house was immaculate and no trace of alcohol anywhere.

This week he attended classes to get his GED, and made payments on his fines from numerous DUI's and showed me a paper from the courts he can use to get driving priveledges back.

For two years I listened to him talk about going to school and getting his license back. He's done more in the last two weeks to take steps to get his life on track then he did in the whole 2 years we were together.

Talking to him lastnight I was just blown away by a few things he said. He told me he got out of school today early and thought about stopping for a beer, but he realized he can't just stop for a beer.....he doesn't work like that. He knew if he stopped for a beer he wouldn't stop drinking until he was in blackout.

I was confused about what to say......I'm so proud of the progress he's making, but I don't want to "praise" him for doing the things he should be doing anyway. But I felt him telling me this was him looking for an "atta boy"
or something. So I told him that was great and good job. And HE SAID, don't thank me for doing something a normal person should do anyway! Blew me away. This man use to want a ticker tape parade for taking out the trash. And here he is saying this.

I don't hold out any hope, I'm not all starry eyed and thinking he's better. He is still drinking, "controlled drinking". Which I know will only lead him back to where he was in a matter of time. But I think it's progress, he has admitted he is an alcoholic, he's taking steps, he will fall. And hopefully this time his next binge might be yet another step closer to abstinance.

I'm sure alot of you feel the same way I do.......I don't care if we end up together or not, I just want him healthy. He is a beautiful person. I think he's starting to believe that. Not a victory, not a huge step, but baby steps can get you to the finish line too. Nothing changes if nothing changes, and we've both changed, so progress....

MsPINKAcres

((WIP))

what a beautiful post about love, hope, growth on your part and his ~ but most of all a post about detachment with love ~ allow your exabf the self-love, dignity and respect to find his own way . . .

Yes he may not walk down the road of recovery the way you would want him to but he is walking, he isn't standing still and YOU are stepping back and allowing him to do so - what great respect you have for him and love.

Congrats to both of you!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Tuffgirl

What pink said! And thanks for sharing this - I do believe there is hope in any situation, and sometimes it starts with very small steps in the right direction like this.

womaninprogress

Thank you so much Rita & all. I really am trying to learn and grow. And I am stepping back and letting him own his life. I have caught myself "re-hashing" the past and put the breaks on. It's so hard to know what "the right" thing is to say or do. But my time spent here has taught me so much.

I don't have any expectations, and I try to stay grounded and not get caught up in the lovey starry eyed, rose colored glasses. But as my name says, I'm a work in progress. And FINALLY I think he may be as well!

Regardless of the past, and what the future may hold. I will give him the space and respect to be his own man, live with his decisions, and consequences. One day at a time.