DesperadoBlond

One of the big reasons I used to drink was that a couple of glasses of wine took the edge of my social anxiety. I tend to get really nervous about meeting new people.

I just started up my own business, and got the government paperwork in the mail today. Yay!

Now, I am sitting here, waiting for my appointment with a prospective client. She'll get here in about 30 minutes. Since I am sober, I have to deal with my social anxiety in a new way.

This is ridiculous, I am 28 - supposedly an adult - and I am all wound up about meeting someone. My chest is all tight and I wish I could just relax. I've spoken to a shrink about this and she said I should just take a moment and decide to be calm. Well, my reptile brain (or whatever it is that controls this stuff) doesn't believe what I am trying to tell it.

How do you guys deal with this stuff in early sobriety?

Thanks for listening!

Dee74

breathing exercises help me a lot in those kinds of situations - you need to practice the techniques tho - it's hard to apply them 'cold'

I've also just accepted things. I'm who I am - I'm naturally shy and a little anxious and always have been...but I also know I'm much better once I 'get rolling'....and I have to remember that....

I find this a good site DB
Calm Clinic

D

isabella1bella

Congrats on ur sobriety and with your new business .. so much to look forward to !!!

In regards to anxiety early in recovery ... exercise is helping me at the moment, tiring myself out is giving me a lack of energy to fight the want to do anything else .. like go out and buy a bottle of wine !!!

Be proud of urself .. ur achieving so much x

DesperadoBlond

Hey you!

Thanks for the feedback!

DesperadoBlond

Hi!

Thanks for the kind words! yeah, the bad thing about my social anxiety is that it gets all physical on me.

I know, I need to start exercising. Dreaded fact of life!

isabella1bella

I dont exercise much, just when I finish work I take the dogs and walk ... walk til im tired then go home .. it's working for me , so far x

DesperadoBlond

I used to be just like that. Hitting the bar at social events and having a glass or two of wine before meetings. Don't miss the frantic efforts I had to go through to get my teeth and mouth clean and being paranoid to death of smelling like alcohol...

Oh well, so I need to exercise + looking into relaxation techniques!

Fubarcdn

I used to be exactly the same and somehow I ended up in business to business sales. Go figure.
At first I dreaded ever sales call but the outcome of the call was much better when I muddled through it than when I had a couple of belts before the call.
Practice, Practice , Practice.
After a while the client meetings will be second nature and you will look forward to having them and showing the client what you have to offer.

A good technique to use is to practice the meeting ahead of time with someone you can trust to be honest yet supportive. Some people even tape it to see what they did right and wrong. If you are prepared the anxiety will be greatly decreased.
Don't think about having a couple before the meeting. Trust me it will only make things worse.
Congratulations on your new business and your new outlook on life.

DesperadoBlond

Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate hearing about your experiences in the field.

I made it through my meeting. :day6 However, now the stress is gone and suddenly I have an even bigger urge to have a drink. Not because of anxiety but because... eh, the habit of drinking also to reward myself.

So sitting here eating some carrots and trying to remind myself how bad I will feel tomorrow if I drink now. I won't do it, just have a huge craving.

allbrian

I feel the same way talking to new people. I have to talk to suppliers all the time as well as contractors for my business. What I have done is created a persona of who I would like to be. Then when the time comes I just become an actor. lol. It was hard at first. Now I can slip into the self-confident me in no time. I don't know if that works for you, but pretending I'm someone else with the same name really works for me.

DesperadoBlond

Hi you!

Yeah, I have been told by a lot of people that I should perhaps take an acting class and really create myself another persona. I already have to a great extent. I even use a different lastname since I'm in an artistic field and it's fine to do that.

I used to be extremely shy, inside I still feel that way, but I guess to a large extent I have become master of my outward appearance. Many people tell me I seem like the most confident and bold person they have ever met. I just heard that several times already this year. The problem is, I still get all nervous with rapid heartbeat and all that.

I'm working on it!

Anna

Breathe - no really, it works.

I have panic attacks at times and lots of anxiety and I learned that when you are panicky, your breathing becomes shallow and quick and serves to increase the adrenaline rush and the panic. If you take three, deep, slow breaths, it will help you to slow down and continue.

sugarbear1

I feel like a loop tape. I work the steps of AA. The steps helped me realize that my shyness was extreme self centeredness, my social anxiety was just extreme irrational fears, I thought I was my own higher power and tried controlling everyone & everything in my world, I am not less than another human, I am a flawed human being who has weaknesses and strengths. I am ok with me.

Today I cherish every interaction I have with another person, wherever I am. I have freedom to be me.
It was taking a good look at my self, my actions, my fears and motives where I learned that my social anxiety was one of my irrational fears. I like me today.
Peace,

Stretz

Create another persona? That is exactly what I did every time I filled my drinking cup.

I used to be an introverted bookworm type but sometime just after high school something convinced me I needed to get out and be social. What better place to meet people than the local pub, right?

I'd have been better off remaining a hermit. What's wrong with that, really? I do not believe I am agoraphobic, I do not fear interacting with people. Admittedly I do get very antsy when the space is crowded to the point that I will leave, but why must I be some outgoing socialite? Is there something inherently unhealthy about enjoying solitude (or as close as one can get with a spouse and a teenage daughter )?

Maybe, I dunno. But I am going to get to know me again. The bookworm with the quick wit and sly smile. I miss him. Social anxiety? Yeah, I am anxiously avoiding becoming social again.

augustwest

i had to start doing things that make me feel good about myself. nutrition, exercise, plenty of sleep.

those things help in the long haul but really i just had to battle through the anxiety and awkwardness, and each time it lessened i'd have a previous experience to draw from when faced with social anxiety again. those little instances started to build confidence.

kiknit

Congrats! I too am in the habit of drinking for any old reason. Especially if I feel I've "earned" it.
It's just a bad habit thats hard to break. For me the hardest part is breaking out of the habit of drinking rather than the actual need for the alcohol. We need to relearn how to react to situations good and bad.
Perhaps treat yourself to one of lifes simple pleasures that you enjoy.
Every alcohol craving you defeat is a victory!

Josiegirl

Desperado... Thanks for starting this thread!

I found it very helpful as I suffer from anxiety/panic too.

The advice people gave is wonderful!

( I should have come here first instead of paying my counsellor a ton of money to hear this advice... heheh... JUST KIDDING!)

Ms.TimmyV

Congratulations on your new business! I hope to be where you are soon :-)

As for the anxiety. I am pretty introverted and it was only after I realized this things got easier. I used to drink to "loosen" up, but little did I know, it was the polar opposite of the person I truly am. I enjoy company but for short periods and I need to be alone or read or do something quiet to recharge. I love to socialize but not as long as the garden variety extrovert. I was always surrounded by extroverts who told me that I had some sort of anxiety condition because huge groups gave me the freaked me out. I always ask them, "How would you feel if you had to sit in a room with a book and no one to talk to for a few hours." The look of worry creeps upon their face and they say, "Oh, no. I, I, I could never do that." Then I tell them that's how I feel in groups. I tell them there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just introverted. Well, now that I'm sober. Before I would just drink to fit in.

If you are introverted, find other ways to communicate that you are more comfortable with. If I had a client coming to my home I'd be nervous, too! Maybe a iChat? lol As for the reward I always say to myself, "This would have NEVER happened if I was still drinking." That usually is rewarding enough.

jocata

The more you practice at, desparado, this easier it will get. If your like me, alot of times I feel almost a high after I talk with a customer. I have my own business too. I try to concentrate on that feeling I get after interaction, not the feelings before or during. It does get easier the more you do it.

Hang in there.

God bless.

DesperadoBlond

You're right. I too get a high after talking to customers. Now I don't mean to sound like it's the prospective business/money that makes me high. Me getting my business going is a matter of survival now. I'm almost 30, my parents are not too eager to help finance my life anymore (haha) and working for others at this point is not what I want to be doing.

I'm just a very sensitive person. My mood is very easily altered and very hard to control. Practice, practice I guess