Free2bmyself

I'm new here. I grew up with a drug addicted father. Got messed up with drugs and alcohol growing up. Got clean. My life seemed so on track. Then I married an alcoholic and drug addict. Recently divorced with one child. My ex was very manipulative and emotionally abusive. He grew up with an alcoholic father and never dealt with it. I still feel brainwashed and unhealthy sometimes. I am now realizing how codependent I am and I don't know how or why I let my life get so messed up. I thought I was doing so well right before I jumped into marriage. Do you think al anon is right for me or something else? I want to get healthy and it feels like a very long road ahead.

bless5

YES - YES - YES!!!! Please go. It took me finding the right "fit" and going to many Alanon meetings, but it's been a life saver! Also, the book "The Courage to Change" is daily reading for me. Some days I read it multiple times.

Free2bmyself

I need to hear the extra shove so thank you. A friend gave me the book, Beyond Codependancy, and it's made me realize how much help I need before I can consider myself healthy. I live in a small town so I'm worried about knowing people there and being judged. It's like I'm still telling myself my problems aren't or weren't big enough to attend alanon. A lie my ex always told me was there were so many other marriages way worse than ours so ours wasn't that bad. Even though I'm away from him he still is very much in my head! I question myself alot. Can make a person feel crazy sometimes :-)

Pelican

I second the recommendation for Alanon!

It helped me learn to be a better ME. That carried over into my relationship with my children, friends, and co-workers.

Try it and let us know your thoughts.

Willybluedog

Welcome to you, so glad you are here.

Please also take a look around the ACOA forum, I think you will find it very beneficial, also you might check out the ACOA website, I am reading their handbook "The Big Red Book" and have found it very helpful.

You might also look for an al-anon group with an ACOA component to it, there are not near as many of these as there are regular al-anon groups but it may be a good fit for you.

Best of luck,

Bill

Cyranoak

I found Alanon, or it found me, in 2003. I wish with every fiber of my being I had found it in 1978. My life would have been way, way, way, way, way better.

Keep an open mind, try at least six meetings (some different) before deciding if it is for you, and always remember to take what you want and leave the rest. That way the part of you that loves misery and drama (if you have one) won't key on the part you don't like as an excuse to not go again.

Good luck!

Cyranoak

MsPINKAcres

I took benefited greatly from Al-Anon ~ I truly believe it saved my life, my sanity and my serenity!

I love the books mentioned above and will add one - "How Al-Anon works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics" - it is often referred to as the Big Book of Al-Anon -

My Favorite chapter is "Detachment, Love and Forgiveness" ~ very powerful healing words in those pages! and most of it has to do with me nothing with the alcoholics in my life!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Tuffgirl

Al-Anon has helped me in every aspect of my life, not just dealing with the A's around me. I can't recommend it highly enough.

The program also taught me not to worry about being judged by others. What other people think of me is none of my business. Give it a try - you have nothing to lose but a few hours and a couple dollars.

lillamy

Yes! I find myself saying that almost every day here -- that I can't think of a single person who couldn't benefit from what Al-Anon has to give.

The tools you learn, the insight you get, is useful for anyone. And especially someone who's been in a relationship with an abusive addict. I completely recognize that -- that even though you're out of the relationship, you still have his dang voice in your head calling you names and telling you you're a stupid loser (and fat, too!)...

Go! It might feel overwhelming now, but as a friend of mine says -- "babysteps will get you there, if you take enough of them."

bless5

Believe me no one will judge you. Remember, everyone else is there for the exact same issue.