husband to first AA mtg--how do I help?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3
husband to first AA mtg--how do I help?
I am brand new to this. My husband is an alcoholic who finally went to his first AA meeting last night. I really want/need him to stay sober for him, for us, for our kids, but I'm not sure how to help him be successful. I don't know if he plans to go to another meeting today or not. And, I'm worried that the intensity of his physical symptoms over the next few days might drive him back to drink. A friend recommended that he see a doctor, but how do I convince him of this? In general, I'm just not sure how to talk to him. I don't want to pester him too much, but I'm also afraid to say nothing. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. SS
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello stella, Welcome to SR!
I'm sorry to hear about what brings you here, but you have found a great place for support and information.
A good place to start is this thread right here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I know from experience that our first instinct is to do everything we can to "get them sober", but it really is up to your husband. This is his fight.
If he is detoxing from alcohol, it can be a dangerous time for him. If he starts to hallucinate, please do not hesitate to take him to the hospital or call an ambulance to transport him there.
Take some time to read around the threads and learn all you can about alcoholism. It really helped me a lot.
Take good care! HG
I'm sorry to hear about what brings you here, but you have found a great place for support and information.
A good place to start is this thread right here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I know from experience that our first instinct is to do everything we can to "get them sober", but it really is up to your husband. This is his fight.
If he is detoxing from alcohol, it can be a dangerous time for him. If he starts to hallucinate, please do not hesitate to take him to the hospital or call an ambulance to transport him there.
Take some time to read around the threads and learn all you can about alcoholism. It really helped me a lot.
Take good care! HG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
Hello Stellasince, glad you found us and I'm so sorry for the reason why.
Your husband's addiction is his and there is nothing you can do to help or sabotage it. Have you gone to an Al-Anon meeting yet? It would help you to understand what part you play in all of this and it might surprise you just what that is, please read the stickies at the top of the page it will help you understand more of what is happening with him and with you. Keep posting, we're here for you.
Your husband's addiction is his and there is nothing you can do to help or sabotage it. Have you gone to an Al-Anon meeting yet? It would help you to understand what part you play in all of this and it might surprise you just what that is, please read the stickies at the top of the page it will help you understand more of what is happening with him and with you. Keep posting, we're here for you.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home here by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you, and we care about You!
I'm glad your husband has taken a positive step towards addressing his alcoholism. I wish him success.
I believe the best thing you can do for him is to let him own his recovery from alcoholism. The addiction belongs to him, and his recovery needs to as well.
I learned about the 3 C's of addiction when I first came here:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
It was hard to accept, but it was a positive step in my own recovery of living with active alcoholism. I had tried everything to get him sober: crying, begging, anger, manipulation and I became lost in the process of trying to control/change another adult. I had put all my focus and energy into him, and had very little left for myself and children. I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.
I did find support and information for myself here at SR, through Alanon meetings, and through self-improvement books like "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
Please pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home here by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you, and we care about You!
I'm glad your husband has taken a positive step towards addressing his alcoholism. I wish him success.
I believe the best thing you can do for him is to let him own his recovery from alcoholism. The addiction belongs to him, and his recovery needs to as well.
I learned about the 3 C's of addiction when I first came here:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
It was hard to accept, but it was a positive step in my own recovery of living with active alcoholism. I had tried everything to get him sober: crying, begging, anger, manipulation and I became lost in the process of trying to control/change another adult. I had put all my focus and energy into him, and had very little left for myself and children. I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.
I did find support and information for myself here at SR, through Alanon meetings, and through self-improvement books like "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Not a bad question!
When you back button out of this "thread" (your conversation with us via internet forum)
you will find yourself on the main page for Friends and Family of Alcoholics
Below the blue bars is an area of "posts" (about 14) that have pad lock symbols on the left side of each post. The pad locks mean they are locked against new replys. They have been preserved for their wisdom for others to read.
I enjoy reading, and re-reading in those stickies at the top. I am always finding wisdom.
When you back button out of this "thread" (your conversation with us via internet forum)
you will find yourself on the main page for Friends and Family of Alcoholics
Below the blue bars is an area of "posts" (about 14) that have pad lock symbols on the left side of each post. The pad locks mean they are locked against new replys. They have been preserved for their wisdom for others to read.
I enjoy reading, and re-reading in those stickies at the top. I am always finding wisdom.
LIVING SOBER
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Cent MD
Posts: 104
My wife and I are both in recovery as alcoholics.
Therefore, we both live with a recovering alcoholic.
We cannot control one another’s path in recovery. (As you and your husband, probably would not have much success in doing)
However, we can share from our life’s experiences what has worked for us. (This is helpful to both of us as alcoholics, and as the partner of a recovering alcoholic.)
At best, we can only make suggestions, not demands, about the direction either one of us should take at this point in our recovery.( it is important for both of us to understand that one or the other may not be ready to take that step, or able, to understand its importance at this time.)
Although our judgment in dealing with reality was somewhat impaired at the time that we began recovery do to the turmoil and confusion in our lives, we found that a quiet discussion about all of the alternatives, with a good dose of common sense and honest humility, usually produced the most valuable, if not always the most desirable results.
There will be much for both of you to learn about this disease, and the effects that it has had, and is having on your lives.
Both of you will require a large degree of tolerance, honesty, and understanding.
You seem to have a firm grasp on the problem facing you, and your concerns about your husband visiting with a doctor for health reasons are very valid.
This is a topic you may want to discuss with him in a very calm and gentle manner.
You may suggest the benefits of having a doctor to help them through the physical discomfort during initial stages of quitting alcohol, to help him achieve his goal of regaining his life back.
Although it would not appear so, we as alcoholics suffered greatly from the knowledge about negative effects that our alcoholism have on our family members.
One thing was apparent to me as an alcoholic, from the very beginning, was that my relationship with others, and my desire to fit comfortably into their lives, could not be honestly changed until I made some changes in myself.
In the simplest form, I had to get better, before I could improve any of my relationships.
Trust from others was important in my recovery, but I had destroyed so much that my expectations were that it would take quite a while to rebuild any type of quality trust.
My opinion about successful recovery is that it takes an understanding about the complexities of this disease, a willingness to change, time for growth, and a large amount of faith.
Continued participation in recovery can mean a free and joyful life for everyone involved.
You will find many great suggestions here, so please keep reading, and searching the threads for the answers to your questions.
If you have a specific question to ask it, you may get a variety of answers, but if you’re honest with yourself you will know which suggested path to take.
Therefore, we both live with a recovering alcoholic.
We cannot control one another’s path in recovery. (As you and your husband, probably would not have much success in doing)
However, we can share from our life’s experiences what has worked for us. (This is helpful to both of us as alcoholics, and as the partner of a recovering alcoholic.)
At best, we can only make suggestions, not demands, about the direction either one of us should take at this point in our recovery.( it is important for both of us to understand that one or the other may not be ready to take that step, or able, to understand its importance at this time.)
Although our judgment in dealing with reality was somewhat impaired at the time that we began recovery do to the turmoil and confusion in our lives, we found that a quiet discussion about all of the alternatives, with a good dose of common sense and honest humility, usually produced the most valuable, if not always the most desirable results.
There will be much for both of you to learn about this disease, and the effects that it has had, and is having on your lives.
Both of you will require a large degree of tolerance, honesty, and understanding.
You seem to have a firm grasp on the problem facing you, and your concerns about your husband visiting with a doctor for health reasons are very valid.
This is a topic you may want to discuss with him in a very calm and gentle manner.
You may suggest the benefits of having a doctor to help them through the physical discomfort during initial stages of quitting alcohol, to help him achieve his goal of regaining his life back.
Although it would not appear so, we as alcoholics suffered greatly from the knowledge about negative effects that our alcoholism have on our family members.
One thing was apparent to me as an alcoholic, from the very beginning, was that my relationship with others, and my desire to fit comfortably into their lives, could not be honestly changed until I made some changes in myself.
In the simplest form, I had to get better, before I could improve any of my relationships.
Trust from others was important in my recovery, but I had destroyed so much that my expectations were that it would take quite a while to rebuild any type of quality trust.
My opinion about successful recovery is that it takes an understanding about the complexities of this disease, a willingness to change, time for growth, and a large amount of faith.
Continued participation in recovery can mean a free and joyful life for everyone involved.
You will find many great suggestions here, so please keep reading, and searching the threads for the answers to your questions.
If you have a specific question to ask it, you may get a variety of answers, but if you’re honest with yourself you will know which suggested path to take.
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