The shrapnel of addiction
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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The shrapnel of addiction
Addiction is a family disease. It's like a bomb that you never expect to go off in your family. The shrapnel from the addict hits everyone who is near to them. Family members. Friends. Co-Workers. It tears through those people without warning. But the saddest victims of the shrapnel of addiction are children.
Children have absolutely no control over anything. The addict does his/her thing which can involve behaviors that vary between lying, absence, neglect, poor role modeling and sometimes....violence. The addict in a child's life is unpredictable, undependable.....and when the addict is their parent......this leaves a child so confused and scared.
When there is a sober parent in the child's life, that certainly helps but unfortunately, that parent is also being hit by the shrapnel of the addict. And the reactions of that parent to the flying debris can also be confusing and damaging to the child.
It's all so sad. And the addict says "but I'm not hurting anyone".
gentle hugs
ke
Children have absolutely no control over anything. The addict does his/her thing which can involve behaviors that vary between lying, absence, neglect, poor role modeling and sometimes....violence. The addict in a child's life is unpredictable, undependable.....and when the addict is their parent......this leaves a child so confused and scared.
When there is a sober parent in the child's life, that certainly helps but unfortunately, that parent is also being hit by the shrapnel of the addict. And the reactions of that parent to the flying debris can also be confusing and damaging to the child.
It's all so sad. And the addict says "but I'm not hurting anyone".
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
How right you are. It pains me when I read and hear of sober parents who resolve to stay with the alcoholic/drug addict for various reasons thinking they can shield their children from that shrapnel, thinking they will REMAIN the healthy parent they are at the moment, thinking that because their addicted spouse is "a fabulous parent when they are sober" neutralizes the shrapnel damage.
Hopefully your post will be a catalyst that saves another child from growing up with active addiction.
Hopefully your post will be a catalyst that saves another child from growing up with active addiction.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Crazy Land USA
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
When there is a sober parent in the child's life, that certainly helps but unfortunately, that parent is also being hit by the shrapnel of the addict. And the reactions of that parent to the flying debris can also be confusing and damaging to the child.
It's all so sad. And the addict says "but I'm not hurting anyone".
gentle hugs
ke
It's all so sad. And the addict says "but I'm not hurting anyone".
gentle hugs
ke
Thank you for posting this reminder.
Marlene
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
This is a wonderful reminder ~
As a survivor of a 17 plus year marriage with an addict ~ I know that I did grave damage to my daughters by staying in that marriage ~ I thought I was doing the right thing, shielding them from the damage, protecting them for the most part but I did not.
I failed them.
I did manage to show them as young women HOW TO WALK AWAY ~ How to regain your life, dignity and self-respect, I have made a verbal amends and an action amends by doing things DIFFERENTLY now ~ and I pray constantly that they will some day make healthier choices in their lives too.
Today Mr. PINK & I raise, shelter and try to instill healthy skills in a 7 yr old granddaughter that has an addict father ~ She has limited contact with him, but she is still greatly affected by his actions, behaviors and lack of responsibility.
I can only pray that the skills of this program, the love of her HP and her willingness to be open to our love and guidance will help her to heal from the shrapnel of his addiction. . .
Prayers and Sweet gentle PINK HUGS for all the precious little ones affected by the disease of addiction. . .
Rita
As a survivor of a 17 plus year marriage with an addict ~ I know that I did grave damage to my daughters by staying in that marriage ~ I thought I was doing the right thing, shielding them from the damage, protecting them for the most part but I did not.
I failed them.
I did manage to show them as young women HOW TO WALK AWAY ~ How to regain your life, dignity and self-respect, I have made a verbal amends and an action amends by doing things DIFFERENTLY now ~ and I pray constantly that they will some day make healthier choices in their lives too.
Today Mr. PINK & I raise, shelter and try to instill healthy skills in a 7 yr old granddaughter that has an addict father ~ She has limited contact with him, but she is still greatly affected by his actions, behaviors and lack of responsibility.
I can only pray that the skills of this program, the love of her HP and her willingness to be open to our love and guidance will help her to heal from the shrapnel of his addiction. . .
Prayers and Sweet gentle PINK HUGS for all the precious little ones affected by the disease of addiction. . .
Rita
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
This is a profound way of describing the effects of addiction on our lives. Thank you.
My therapist likens it to being poisoned. I often have felt I ate of the poisoned apple and have yet to be released from the spell.
But the shrapnel imagery is so effective because addicts hurt people--and especially children and children do not have to have long exposure to an active addict for this to occur--addicts hurt people in a way that implants in them a deadly piece of trauma that may lie dormant for years but.....when a new addict enters the life, that dormant piece of shrapnel can shift and the pain and the reactive behaviors are back full force.
This is why anyone who has ever been involved with an active addict needs treatment. Treatment through a 12 step group or counseling or any offering from people who thoroughly understand the POST-trauma that flares when an addict--active or recovering--comes into one's life again.
And usually...almost always....one will. We attract to us people and circumstances which reawaken old wounds which need cleaning out. I think all psychologists would confirm that. The old wounds need cleaning out because they continue to influence the choices we make about who to love, who to bring into our personal lives, how we parent. And the old wounds deeply, unconsciously, influence how we feel about ourselves.
I have been purging shrapnel for quite a while. Not done yet.
Thank you again for the insight.
My therapist likens it to being poisoned. I often have felt I ate of the poisoned apple and have yet to be released from the spell.
But the shrapnel imagery is so effective because addicts hurt people--and especially children and children do not have to have long exposure to an active addict for this to occur--addicts hurt people in a way that implants in them a deadly piece of trauma that may lie dormant for years but.....when a new addict enters the life, that dormant piece of shrapnel can shift and the pain and the reactive behaviors are back full force.
This is why anyone who has ever been involved with an active addict needs treatment. Treatment through a 12 step group or counseling or any offering from people who thoroughly understand the POST-trauma that flares when an addict--active or recovering--comes into one's life again.
And usually...almost always....one will. We attract to us people and circumstances which reawaken old wounds which need cleaning out. I think all psychologists would confirm that. The old wounds need cleaning out because they continue to influence the choices we make about who to love, who to bring into our personal lives, how we parent. And the old wounds deeply, unconsciously, influence how we feel about ourselves.
I have been purging shrapnel for quite a while. Not done yet.
Thank you again for the insight.
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