JeffG

Hi all,

I'm new here and thought I would introduce myself: I'm Jeff and I'm an alcoholic.

I've been struggling with alcoholism for two years. Before that I was just struggling with "drinking like a gentleman," "drinking without embarrassing myself," and "drinking without blacking out." But I eventually crash landed in AA in January 2010, where I began my two-year odyssey to find sobriety. It hasn't stuck yet.

Last Thursday, January 12, was my last drunk. I sat in a bar at the Las Vegas airport drinking God-only-knows how many martinis. I missed my flight. I blacked out at the gate. I woke up with my hands covered in blood and surrounded by security guards. My poor wife of nine months waited at home, wondering where I was, why I didn't get off my scheduled flight, and why I didn't call. She assumed the worst.

I eventually got on a flight and made it home. The next morning at home, I felt the intense sear of humiliation and regret. It was truly pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, as my wife cast her eyes away from me in loathing and disgust. She has now kicked me out of the house and is planning to file for divorce.

I have reached a deeper bottom than ever before. And yet I'm exactly where I need to be. I've attended six AA meetings in five days, reconnected with my sponsor and am calling him on a daily basis, called 2+ other alcoholics every day, listening to speakers, sharing in meetings, reaching out and introducing myself after meetings and trading phone numbers. More than any other point I my life, I viscerally understand I am in a life or death situation, and I must dedicate my life to recovery.

Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, yes, but today I am sober. Just for today. I have hope.

JeffG

laurie6781

Sounds good so far Jeff.

I hope your sponsor had a sponsor that took him through the steps.

All the meetings in the world will NOT keep you sober. Now is the time to start working on your steps with your sponsor.

You do have a start, now keep moving forward.

And since SR is open 24/7 it also can be helpful to your recovery.

Take a look at my signature. I chose it because over the years I have done an awful lot of 'trudgin' and many
many times those alligators were nipping my butt. rofl

Glad to see you here!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

Terminally Unique

It sounds like you have some very good reasons to never drink again, and yet, I sense some hesitation and uncertainty in your post. It is apparent that you are astute enough to recognize what it is that you need to do, however, so I will get right to the point. Are you going to drink again in this lifetime, or are you not, Jeff?

langkah

Welcome Jeff. That'll sure do for a bottom.

llastchance8

Welcome Jeff, We all at SR wish you very healthy and happy life.

Take it one day at a time . Last week, I told myself, I would not drink only for one day, then told same thing to myself next day and same thing again next day. The end result is, I am on day 4. I might probably tell the same thing to my self tomorrow but I am not thinking about it. I will take tomorrow when it comes.. But for sure, I am not going to drink today.

Wish you all the best .

llastchance8

We had shop in our town which had a big sign board which read like this " Today , we accept cash only, we will provide credit tomorrow on-wards !!! " And the board read something everyday without any date on it..

It might work the way same for all us alcoholics !!!! No wonder, why they say in AA " One day at a time "

Pete55

Welcome, thanks for sharing.

MemphisBlues

Your post certainly hits home to me, but I must point out that no where do you mention surrendering and doing what AA is all about -- working the steps.

Have you written your Step 1?

Here are things that will NOT keep you sober:

-- 90 meetings in 90 days.
-- Let go, let God.
-- One day at a time (well, that might help you abstain and string a few 24s together...hell, I know people in the rooms who have strung years together doing it that way, but they don't have the sobriety I'm after).
-- Play the tape forward.
-- Just don't drink even if your a-- falls off.

I could add a few more slogans, but I'll end with just one, and I do believe that this one was actually used by Bill W. and Dr. Bob and COULD keep you sober -- Keep it simple (which I take as telling me to work the steps).

instant

Jeff I wish you well on your journey. The troubles mount up but with complete surrender comes true relief.

Dee74

Hi Jeff

I'm sorry for what happened, but it's at least bought you here

I was at a low point when I got here too - the folks here at SR helped me turn my life around

You'll find a lot of support and understanding here - and a few ideas too

Welcome!

D

Sapling

I was thinking the same thing when I read that.....Wow....That had to be a long flight home.Yeah Jeff....I'm guessing you have two years in AA greasing a chair...If you want the program to work...Work the program. Do the steps...Best of luck to you.

JeffG

Thanks, laurie6781. My sponsor, who has 17 years, does have a sponsor whom he speaks to on an almost daily basis. He's extremely hardcore about AA, which is probably why my ego and defiance caused me to not call him like I should have in the past. This time is different: I will do nothing but faithfully follow the suggestions of my sponsor and the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

JeffG

No hesitation and uncertainty. I would say there was some of that my last time around, but there's no room for it this time. I am done. I will go to any lengths. I am never going to drink again in this lifetime, one day at a time.

JeffG

Thanks for the insights. True, I am surrendered. I am ready to work the steps, ready to do things I never thought possible before. On my last stint in sobriety, for example, I insisted I didn't need to make amends--I didn't complete a single one. I insisted I didn't even need to tell all my friends and loved ones (and especially my old drinking buddies) outside my immediate family that I was an alcoholic. AA was in the back of my mind, rarely ever the front.

None of that flies anymore. I am here to work the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and follow what's indicated by God and what's suggested by the Big Book and my sponsor. At this point, with 6 days behind me, I have no independent will other than the will to sit down, shut up, and do what's suggested to me.

foodie1

Welcome Jeff, all the best to you!

DayTrader

Welcome Jeff...

Quote:

No hesitation and uncertainty. I would say there was some of that my last time around, but there's no room for it this time. I am done. I will go to any lengths. I am never going to drink again in this lifetime, one day at a time.

Just about put a tear in my eye.....because from what I've seen.....if you'll actually DO what you said up there..... you've got a 100% recovery prognosis. Hell, you may even save the family too.

lol...your story sounds eerily like a friend of mine's in AA..... only he didn't completely black out, was denied access to the plane, got in a fight with the boarding attendant in the airport, tried to throw hie carry-on through the window, fought the security guards who were called and was carried off.....hogtied.

Make sure you check out the 12Step section of the forum. Ton's of AA insight down there.
Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

crisco

Jeff, that helps me to show that your in recovery.

sissy07

Welcome Jeff,

Best wishes to you!

kat323

"to thine own self be true"

Fallow

"More than any other point I my life, I viscerally understand I am in a life or death situation, and I must dedicate my life to recovery."

You and me both.