CagedBird

I let AH get to me yesterday. He asked me to come over and talk because I asked him about help paying for daycare.

It was as I knew it would be. The same as every conversation we've had for the last 6 months.

Everything is my fault, including the fact that he lost his job, and I'm being selfish tearing our family apart, etc. etc. quack quack quack.

It just got to me today. I am so frustrated by the fact that he can't see the truth right in front of his face. He has even convinced himself that he lost his job after I left, and in fact, I was there for the call.

It's just so frustrating! I hate that I cannot get through to him. I hate that his brain is so messed up from the booze that he can't see how irrational he is, or that my actions are all justified. I hate this damned disease.

bless5

it is soooooo very frustrating, but also confirmation that you are moving in the right direction.
Stay strong and keep moving forward. You are creating a life of peace and joy for youself!!!

laurie6781

Okay, hopefully you've learned now. Don't ask him for anything, he won't pay for a part of daycare, he won't pay for a part of anything.

Now you know, conversations are pointless.

How about going No Contact as much as possible. IF he doesn't start an email, a phone call, or a text message with words about your child don't answer and don't respond. And if you answer or respond and he switches the subject, disconnect, hang up, or junk the email.

There is no way to communicate with 'The Bottle'.

So, yep, I think most of us have 'slipped' once in a while, and it usually is a good reminder why we stay NC.

Sorry you had to feel this one more time.

But you are on the other side of feeling 'yucky' now and you will continue to move forward!

You know we are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,

neferkamichael

Hi Cagebird, dont let him get to ya

Willybluedog

It's ok to goof up, we all do it, and you will survive it, learn from it, and do better next time, the only way this becomes "a mistake" is if you have not learned anything from it.

Big hugs to you.

PixieGirl

I sooooo know how you feel! My XAH and I have to discuss our little one's daycare, visitation etc. He seems to think I'm the one who tore our little family apart. I'm still in that stage where I think 'maybe this time we can have a rational conversation and he'll clue in'. I'm beginning to realize, especially with everyone's comments here that it really is impossible to communicate with the 'bottle'. It's hard to accept, because it all seems to defy logic! But as was said in my alanon meeting yesterday 'that's the insanity of alcoholism'. that statement helped me a lot to accept that this disease is insane and doesn't make sense, so therefore don't expect rational conversations with them in active addiction. Thanks for posting, it helps to hear of someone struggling with this too!

Seren

Based on the shared experiences here, I'd have to say that when you are trying to talk to someone who is active in their addiction.....all you are doing is talking to the addiction.

CagedBird

Thanks, I'm still dealing with my Codie issues I guess. I just want to bash some sense into him. I just have to keep working on me and let it go.

I will keep the conversation relevant to our son only, or end the conversation. Boundaries!


Thanks for keeping me sane, SR.

lillamy

Just so you know, you're probably also responsible for the recession, global warming, and the snow storm hitting the Seattle area today.

Someone was talking about expectations here the other day (choublak, I think). I recognize the wanting him to "get it" and admit that maybe, just maybe, you had a point when you left him and maybe, just maybe, part of why you're not together anymore is something he's going to have to take responsibility for.

My AXH did, initially, a little bit. Once he started drinking again, he rewrote the script and is now telling people that I was carrying on an affair during our marriage and that's why I left him. I didn't even have the common courtesy to admit it; instead, I blamed it all on him.

THEIR BRAINS ARE FRIED. That doesn't mean they're not human beings you can have compassion for, should you choose. It just means don't expect them to think or act or speak rationally. And don't expect any assistance with finances. Find a way to do it on your own. That way, if he ever DOES help financially, you can stick it in a savings account. And in the meantime, you won't get disappointed.

fedup3

Cagebird you're right, boundaries.