meganw1972

I am so heartbroken. My fiance had gone to rehab and was doing so well. He came home 1 week ago and has been going to outpatient rehab and AA. Yesterday he found out he lost his job, and though he had brought flowers for me from our door man (whom he just happened to run into), I stupidly told him that I was feeling unloved and really wanted him to do something to make me feel special.

This am he went to rehab, went to AA then went out and drank. He actually came home which is a good thing. He says that "I am beat, I am done." He feels that everyone is judging him. He says that he is unsure if he will return to AA or rehab because it doesn't matter, he is nothing, deserves nothing, and just feels comfortable when he drinks. I was so stupid. I am new to Alanon and had been trying to practice loving detachment, but was practically begging him to stay with me and go back to AA tonight or call his sponsor, even offering to drive him there.

I know I should probably just break up with him, as he was going to do with me because he feels so guilty, but prior to this, he had made me the happiest I have been in my life. I am not responsible, but I feel so guilty. I don't think he is going to try. Whereas before he was definitelywithout question going to AA, now he says "I will try."

Help me please.

Impurrfect

(((megan))) - I agree with ((Anvil)). I'm both a recovering addict (RA) and a recovering codie who has/had people in my life who abuse one thing or another.

Though it feels totally personal, it really isn't. When I was active, anything and everything was a reason to get high. Now that I'm in recovery, short of someone holding a gun to my head and MAKING me use, it's not an option. In my recovery, I've dealt with some pretty horrific things, but I remain clean because I know, without a single doubt, that without recovery, my life will just get worse.

It's the same with relationships. I left the bf I had who I also used with. He wanted to continue that lifestyle, I didn't. It hurt like he!! but it was one of the best things I ever did. He died from his addictions a couple years ago, I have almost 5 years in recovery.

Whatever you decide, we are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MyBetterWorld

There is no try. There is do or do not.

He isn't ready. Buckle your seatbelt for the ride.

It's not your fault. There is NOTHING you can do.

dollydo

If you haven't read all the stickies at the top of this forum and that of Family & Friends of Substance Abusers,I would suggest that you do. Lots of great information at your fingertips.

As for him, he won't quit until he is ready, you can beg, cry, scream and threaten, nothing will change. You need to work on your codependency issues.

Why not take a break from him? If he embraces recovery, stays sober for a year or longer, you may consider getting back together with him. He is an adult and his alcoholism is his to resolve, it has nothing to do with you. It's all about him.