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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Finished
Got drunk as a skunk again last night. I dont even know how it happened. Sitting here hovering over the freakin toilet again this morning. Dont even remember leaving the bar last night. Got to take my baby girl to her doctor in 30 minutes. And I cant even move lest I puke again. What a waste of a man I am. If anyone who thinks they might be addicted reads this run away from drink dont land where i am its so not worth it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Yeah. It not only makes you feel like crap but it can kill you. What are you going to do differently this time so you don't end up with your face in the toilet again? You deserve better than that and so does your daughter. Hope you'll go to a meeting and not play the "tapes" in your head that tell you you're not worth anything because they aren't true.
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Very real.
I keep the memory of 'those' mornings in mind as I continue with my sobriety, a reminder that my life will go back to hell with just one drink.
Hope you get better, gotta do it for yourself first, everyone important in your life will then benefit.
I keep the memory of 'those' mornings in mind as I continue with my sobriety, a reminder that my life will go back to hell with just one drink.
Hope you get better, gotta do it for yourself first, everyone important in your life will then benefit.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
I dont know. I dont know what im gonna do. Layin here now still jittery as can be. Gonna pop an ativan so i dont seize up. Its disgusting. She is healthy as can be im the one who needs a doctor. Gotta go and get presentable so nobody finds out daddy is an alcoholic. I wish I could go to treatment or be locked away for awhile but life wont wait. What am i gonna do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Im layin here moaning and groaning cold and lonely right now. Just posting and hoping like hell I dont die and maybe someday if I can get better I will read this to remind myself before I decide I can be a social drinker for the thousandth time. Why do I bother to try. Just dont know. A grown man who can hardly roll out of bed...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Fallow 
Im layin here moaning and groaning cold and lonely right now. Just posting and hoping like hell I dont die and maybe someday if I can get better I will read this to remind myself before I decide I can be a social drinker for the thousandth time. Why do I bother to try. Just dont know. A grown man who can hardly roll out of bed...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 47
Hey Fallow,
One thing I can tell you for sure-- you're posting in a place where a LOT of people have felt exactly the way you're feeling today.
There's a cliche that I'd heard plenty of times, but like so many other cliches it turned out to be very, very true for me:
I had to surrender completely.
All I can tell you is what it was like for me:
I woke up hungover as hell one more time, puked up stomach acid in the shower again, and scrubbed and brushed to try to cover up the fact that I'd gotten drunk the night before. I left work for "lunch" and went to a nearby park. I found a spot that *felt* right, next to a tree. I did that cliched thing-- I dropped to my knees and prayed earnestly for God to remove my obsession with alcohol.
I prayed, knowing 100% I was giving up the fight. I surrendered completely. I knew my life was not working, that I was wrecking myself with alcohol, and that my life had definately become unmanagable.
I also started going to meetings and actively working with a sponsor-- that's what worked for me.
Regardless, many of us here understand exactly where you are and how you're feeling-- you're not alone, and if you're ready to surrender recovery and positive steps are available.
Best of luck,
Dave
One thing I can tell you for sure-- you're posting in a place where a LOT of people have felt exactly the way you're feeling today.
There's a cliche that I'd heard plenty of times, but like so many other cliches it turned out to be very, very true for me:
I had to surrender completely.
All I can tell you is what it was like for me:
I woke up hungover as hell one more time, puked up stomach acid in the shower again, and scrubbed and brushed to try to cover up the fact that I'd gotten drunk the night before. I left work for "lunch" and went to a nearby park. I found a spot that *felt* right, next to a tree. I did that cliched thing-- I dropped to my knees and prayed earnestly for God to remove my obsession with alcohol.
I prayed, knowing 100% I was giving up the fight. I surrendered completely. I knew my life was not working, that I was wrecking myself with alcohol, and that my life had definately become unmanagable.
I also started going to meetings and actively working with a sponsor-- that's what worked for me.
Regardless, many of us here understand exactly where you are and how you're feeling-- you're not alone, and if you're ready to surrender recovery and positive steps are available.
Best of luck,
Dave
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Right now your daughter needs you to take her to the dr and you don't have the time to feel sorry for yourself. I know you feel sick and awful, but she is a child and deserves to have you caring for her needs.
What can you do? Take action. Get rid of the alcohol in your house, don't buy anymore. Make a plan to spend time with your child in the evenings instead of drinking. Read her a story, have fun with her. You can do this!
What can you do? Take action. Get rid of the alcohol in your house, don't buy anymore. Make a plan to spend time with your child in the evenings instead of drinking. Read her a story, have fun with her. You can do this!
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Please try to see the futility of drinking, going through the daily cycle of sickness is not living. See if there is an outpatient program at a hospital near you or find an AA meeting, GO and ask for help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Fallow, get to an AA meeting in your neighborhood.
If you are grasping at straws, you will find straws at the meeting !!
We have to do it ourselves but we can't do it alone.
Do it for your child right now, you will do it for yourself later.
Prayers to you and your baby.
Bob R.
If you are grasping at straws, you will find straws at the meeting !!
We have to do it ourselves but we can't do it alone.
Do it for your child right now, you will do it for yourself later.
Prayers to you and your baby.
Bob R.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Anna you are totally right. I hate feeling sorry for myself especially because I have done this to myself and so many times. Sucks to say but as an adult I still need that stern talkin too seein as I am behaving like a child. Took my daughter to the doc and she is great. I had the shakes and felt awful but am back home now. Doc had to know something was not right with me but didnt say anything. I reek of alcohol still Im sure. Went to pickup her prescription got some protein shakes and gatorade now back in bed. She got a few shots and was tired so luckily is napping...I have no energy right now and whole body hurts.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
You gotta get into a recovery program because what you are doing is not working. I tried to be a social drinker many times, tried to flat out quiet many times on my own and I could not do it.
I needed to get my but into an AA meeting daily.
Find something that will keep you sober, stick with it, and stay away from the bars. If you hang around a barber shop long enough, your gonna get a hair cut.
God bless.
I needed to get my but into an AA meeting daily.
Find something that will keep you sober, stick with it, and stay away from the bars. If you hang around a barber shop long enough, your gonna get a hair cut.
God bless.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think you've got a lot of great advice in this thread Fallow.
You need never feel this way again - I found it was entirely dependent on how much time and effort you want to put in now
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is to do something....tangible action is the key here.
In my experience, inaction, or even just doing the same old things, just led to more drinking....
D
You need never feel this way again - I found it was entirely dependent on how much time and effort you want to put in now
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is to do something....tangible action is the key here.
In my experience, inaction, or even just doing the same old things, just led to more drinking....
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Fallow - you can do it. I ended up drinking all day, every day. I had to have a drink by my side at all times, or I'd shake, cry, vomit - or all of the above. I knew I couldn't go on that way or I'd die. I was always numb & in a fog. I wanted to experience life again - I was tired of living in the dark, hiding from people knocking at the door - afraid to answer the phone or open
You can reclaim your life Fallow. All the bad times can be a dim memory. Drinking has filled your life with misery - it's no friend of yours. Time to reach out for a new life - you can do this, and we'll be here to help.
You can reclaim your life Fallow. All the bad times can be a dim memory. Drinking has filled your life with misery - it's no friend of yours. Time to reach out for a new life - you can do this, and we'll be here to help.
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