crisco

Again, at nearly, six months of sobriety, I drank another glass of wine. I just had obessive-compulsive anxiety attacks that I dreaded.

Sobriety became hell for me. I was going psychotic on the freeways and cutting people and things off the freeway. I was completely nuts.

All that I wanted was to get a drink to relieve the stress. A sip of wine and all of that OCD when it away.

By today, I want nothing more to the drink because drink cannot bring anymore serenity.

Unlike that first day, I have more serenity after that drink. Now all that I do want is to return meetings and get in fellowship. I do not care being the newcomer.

I have to focus on gaining serenity in the moment when a panic attack comes. I just do not how to do so and the compulsion to drink comes on.

My job has me nuts by my own actions and I drink over. I cannot handle a crises of guilty without a bottle.

I probably going to quit and look for some other line work. I cannot going to quit today or tommorow, but soon probably by the end of the week.

DesperadoBlond

Been there and done that.

Being sober and dealing with difficult emotions sober is really tough.

Maybe changing jobs is a part of your solution for staying sane. I try to find ways to distract me from things that make me bananas in daily life.

One distraction that I just found on-line is a website that generates white noise.

Helps me block out some of my own noise a little.

jocata

Hang in there Crisco. Have you talked to a doc about you anxiety? Drinking tends to make that worse. I found that out myself.

I have to immerse myself in a recovery program or I'll go nuts too.

God bless.

bostonluv

I'm glad you're going back to AA. Thank you for sharing.

Anna

Panic attacks are scary, but you can get through them.

I have learned that simply breathing REALLY helps. When I have a panic attack, my breathing becomes very, very shallow and quick and that pumps more adrenaline through my body and makes things worse. Take three slow, deep breaths and it will help.

If possible, sit down and close your eyes and just focus on your breathing and your mind will begin to quiet.

Try to remember that the feelings don't control you. They are just feelings.

susanlauren

Have you considered finding another job BEFORE you quit your present position?

And have you spoken to your doctor about your anxiety attacks? Susan

DayTrader

Yep.. I can believe it. Time spent "not drinking" (even "not drinking and going to meetings") doesn't treat alcoholism. Sooner or later it's either get recovered OR drink again. And as you found out, alcohol is actually one of the treatments for alcoholism....... it sure made you feel good at the time didn't it? Fears slip away... you feel some renewed hope and strength... That's part of what separates an alkie from a heavy drinker - booze does something FOR an alcoholic vs TO most other ppl.

As for the second half of your post that I quoted..... I'd invite you to re-post your orig post down in the 12-Step area of the forum if you'd like to get a "12-Step" view on things.

DesperadoBlond

I too am starting to realize this. The part about "not drinking doesn't treat alcoholism."

What are the recovery options? I've been to AA many times but wasn't really feeling it...

DayTrader

LOL..... I wasn't feeling it either. I frickin' hated one meeting I used to go to and half-liked one other. I'll tell ya what tho... going to meetings is not "working AA." I learned that the hard way as I sat in meetings, not drinking, and getting worse each week/month.

There are some good threads down in the 12-Step area that you'd likely find helpful (like one now on finding a good sponsor) and there are a LOT of ppl who typically limit their posting to that section only who would be MORE than happy to help you with any "AA issues" - trust me, we've had 'em all at one time or another.

As for other programs, I only have experience with "Mike's best ideas" and AA. "Mike's best ideas" sucked... lol. I wasn't drinking but I wasn't getting better either. AA didn't "work" either.....for a while.....but that was because I was again applying "Mike's ideas" to AA and working it my way rather than the way it's suggested - ie. learning how to work each step and then actually doing the work of practicing them in my life.

I know some here have had success in SMART, Rational Recovery, AVRT, and Celebrate Recovery. Depending upon where you are with alcoholic drinking, alcoholism and the subject of whether you still have the ability to "choose" to not drink anymore combined with your willingness to actually WORK a program will determine your success.

Some folks can just decide to reign it in, their life smooths out, their head clears and they just go on with their life. Your experience will tell you if this is a viable solution for you or whether you need more. I hated to admit it but I needed more. The idea of being happy, content, and serene........AND never drinking again ever was, I believed then and believe now, NOT something I could pull off on my own or via my own power. My history proved beyond a doubt that I wouldn't be able to keep the shields up 24/7 and do it forever. Add to it......as I said above....."not drinking" only solved some of my issues (like courts, cops, dui's and so forth). The "real" problem was learning how to deal with life, work, girls, friends, etc. I never learned (or had the tools) to get through life without having to duck, lie, avoid, or run from things. That's an area where AA helped and is helping me immensely.

PaperDolls

As an alcoholic, I can ALWAYS find an excuse to drink. You name it, I used it as an excuse.

Fact is, there is no REASON to drink. It's doesn't cure what ails me.

Seeing a doctor about your OCD and/or anxiety would most likely help.

The longer I was sober the compulsion went away, slowly but surely. It does get easier.

PaperDolls

double post

2granddaughters

When I came to AA, I was ready to do anything... well, almost anything.

It seemed like the things that they talked about at the meetings went "right against my grain". Imagine that !!
They wanted me to do things I didn't understand, were absolutely foreign to me and I just couldn't bring myself to do them.... I wasn't really feeling it either.

It was time to make a choice. Either I was going to change AA to fit me or I was going to change to accept it (as best and as fast as possible). I've only been at it for 22 years but it is getting better.

Best of luck to all the posters. crisco, it may be getting time to decide ......

Bob

Dee74

I really hope you'll see a Dr, Crisco - I think it's good advice you're getting here.

I'm glad to hear you didn't quit your job yet - your other post suggestedthat you had -

I hope you'll line up another job before you quit this one...it's tough for most of us financially these days...make a responsible decision

D