Okay so now I'm fat.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Okay so now I'm fat.
Kiss my ___ DH! I wanted to get some skittles tonight (yes, I've craved sugar since not drinking). BUT Believe it or not I haven't gained any weight. So tonight my lovely spouse says, "I'm trying to help you" when I asked him to get skittles if he went to the store - he said no first of course.
You know, this doesn't really help our relationship. I am healthy. I'm not a twig but I'm not obese. Could I lose 20lbs, of course. But do I need that kind of interaction? It reminds me of my mom and dad and my grandma and grandpa.
For the love of god I quit drinking. Does this now mean I quit doing everything else he does't like and I believe I told you all about the list he gave me a while back of what he wanted me to look like and do. Wonder if I should give him a list? NO I wouldn't do that to ANYONE!
If he wants to completely change me maybe he needs to go find the image of the person he wants in his head and leave me the ___ alone. I would be fine with it because if there is one thing I know it's that I don't want to be like my mom and dad or my Grandma and Grandpa. All they did was focus on what each was doing and how they look under the guise of "I just want you to be healthy."
Just this weekend my mom was giving my dad a hard time in front of everyone at a hockey game because the guy (my dad) wanted a Jr. sized Cuban sandwich and a little bit of fries. It was ridiculous!
What does this have to do with alcohol? I used to numb my feelings about how inadequate I felt on the outside because FAT it's constantly an issue in society and in my home.
Okay rant over. Tired of it.
You know, this doesn't really help our relationship. I am healthy. I'm not a twig but I'm not obese. Could I lose 20lbs, of course. But do I need that kind of interaction? It reminds me of my mom and dad and my grandma and grandpa.
For the love of god I quit drinking. Does this now mean I quit doing everything else he does't like and I believe I told you all about the list he gave me a while back of what he wanted me to look like and do. Wonder if I should give him a list? NO I wouldn't do that to ANYONE!
If he wants to completely change me maybe he needs to go find the image of the person he wants in his head and leave me the ___ alone. I would be fine with it because if there is one thing I know it's that I don't want to be like my mom and dad or my Grandma and Grandpa. All they did was focus on what each was doing and how they look under the guise of "I just want you to be healthy."
Just this weekend my mom was giving my dad a hard time in front of everyone at a hockey game because the guy (my dad) wanted a Jr. sized Cuban sandwich and a little bit of fries. It was ridiculous!
What does this have to do with alcohol? I used to numb my feelings about how inadequate I felt on the outside because FAT it's constantly an issue in society and in my home.
Okay rant over. Tired of it.
HA! I'm going to tomorrow!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I grew up in a house where parents (and grandparents) found fault with one another. I hated it and I won't tolerate anything like that in my house, and fortunately it has never been a problem. I cringe when you talk about your spouse giving you a list of what you should look like and what you should do. That would be a deal-breaker for me.
I grew up in a house where parents (and grandparents) found fault with one another. I hated it and I won't tolerate anything like that in my house, and fortunately it has never been a problem. I cringe when you talk about your spouse giving you a list of what you should look like and what you should do. That would be a deal-breaker for me.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
I had a hair dresser that I used to go to before I got sober, and continued to go to after I got sober for years...one time I remember telling her I had gained some weight since I got sober, not much, but it bothered me. Her reply still meaks me smile to this day..she said "You look so much better now, you look alive!!! Healthy and alive, there is life in your face and eyes, before there was "nothing"..she said you look beautiful..and alive!"
That is what I focus on, I absolutly do look alive, healthy and...yes, I am going to say it...good!!!! Not perfect...but I feel good in my own skin. That is attractive to everyone, people know when you feel good about yourself and it is a good look.
Please don't let anyone steal your joy or self esteem. If you know you look good, forget them, I don't care who it is. For some weird reason, some people just don't like to see us happy...but usually, it is them who is unhappy.
Life is to short NOT to eat Skittles now and then...damn it!!! Eat some for me too, and I will eat a few M&Ms for you!!!
Cathy
That is what I focus on, I absolutly do look alive, healthy and...yes, I am going to say it...good!!!! Not perfect...but I feel good in my own skin. That is attractive to everyone, people know when you feel good about yourself and it is a good look.
Please don't let anyone steal your joy or self esteem. If you know you look good, forget them, I don't care who it is. For some weird reason, some people just don't like to see us happy...but usually, it is them who is unhappy.
Life is to short NOT to eat Skittles now and then...damn it!!! Eat some for me too, and I will eat a few M&Ms for you!!!
Cathy
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
1undone, I agree with Anna, that list would have been a dealbreaker. I think it's borderline abusive. Really not cool of him.
And yeah, I think you should buy a huge bag of skittles, sit around in your frumpiest, most comfortable jammies and smile sweetly at him as you eat each one.
Grrrrrr.
And yeah, I think you should buy a huge bag of skittles, sit around in your frumpiest, most comfortable jammies and smile sweetly at him as you eat each one.
Grrrrrr.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Some of these replies had me laughing! It's been 4 years since THE LIST! I think it's his problem, mine is letting go of the resentment. Knowing him he hardly would remember it or would act as though he doesn't. All I know is if I ever see another one he will be getting a lawyer. Oh and me as well.
Tomorrow I'll be picking up some tropical flavored goodness!
Tomorrow I'll be picking up some tropical flavored goodness!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by 1undone 
Some of these replies had me laughing! It's been 4 years since THE LIST! I think it's his problem, mine is letting go of the resentment. Knowing him he hardly would remember it or would act as though he doesn't. All I know is if I ever see another one he will be getting a lawyer. Oh and me as well.
Tomorrow I'll be picking up some tropical flavored goodness!
Tomorrow I'll be picking up some tropical flavored goodness!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Originally Posted by GirlFromCO
1undone, I agree with Anna, that list would have been a dealbreaker. I think it's borderline abusive. Really not cool of him.
And yeah, I think you should buy a huge bag of skittles, sit around in your frumpiest, most comfortable jammies and smile sweetly at him as you eat each one.
Grrrrrr.
And yeah, I think you should buy a huge bag of skittles, sit around in your frumpiest, most comfortable jammies and smile sweetly at him as you eat each one.
Grrrrrr.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 47
I've spent a lot of time over the past two years talking about this kind of thing with someone I care about- I won't (indeed, can't) comment on the husband thing because I've run myself ragged discussing what is and isn't abusive, manipulative, supportive etc etc.
BUT I CAN AND WILL SAY THIS:
If you're on a successful road to recovery that is a HUGE deal! Give yourself credit for that!
The sugar thing takes me for a ride too-- I do skittles sometimes...and any variety of things. I still sit up nights watching movies or reading, sipping vast quantities of Arnold Palmers and eating junk (red hots are terrific, and during Valentine's season you can get a big bag for a low price). But I'm not drinking, and that's what matters.
I think the crucial thing is to move ourselves in an overall-healthier direction (I'm NOW, after nearly six months, slowly starting to lower the sugar intake). Exercise more, do the reading, prayer and stepwork necessary to grow spiritually, and eat healthy things through the day.
Then, if I may be so bold, eat whatever you damn well feel like so long as you don't take a drink. And Whiskey Tango Foxtrot to ANYONE who tells give you a lick of grief for eating sugar.
Kick alcohol now, and other non-drug vices later.
Dave
BUT I CAN AND WILL SAY THIS:
If you're on a successful road to recovery that is a HUGE deal! Give yourself credit for that!
The sugar thing takes me for a ride too-- I do skittles sometimes...and any variety of things. I still sit up nights watching movies or reading, sipping vast quantities of Arnold Palmers and eating junk (red hots are terrific, and during Valentine's season you can get a big bag for a low price). But I'm not drinking, and that's what matters.
I think the crucial thing is to move ourselves in an overall-healthier direction (I'm NOW, after nearly six months, slowly starting to lower the sugar intake). Exercise more, do the reading, prayer and stepwork necessary to grow spiritually, and eat healthy things through the day.
Then, if I may be so bold, eat whatever you damn well feel like so long as you don't take a drink. And Whiskey Tango Foxtrot to ANYONE who tells give you a lick of grief for eating sugar.
Kick alcohol now, and other non-drug vices later.
Dave
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Totally agree w/ Anna.
My mom is like that with my dad.. always giving him a hard time about what he eats, what his weight is.. his self esteem is in the toilet and has been for years. I'm pretty sure I'd kick my husband in the junk if he ever thought what I chose to eat was any of his business. (ok, I'm not violent, but.. ), much less how I looked or what else I did with myself!
My mom is like that with my dad.. always giving him a hard time about what he eats, what his weight is.. his self esteem is in the toilet and has been for years. I'm pretty sure I'd kick my husband in the junk if he ever thought what I chose to eat was any of his business. (ok, I'm not violent, but.. ), much less how I looked or what else I did with myself!
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