Dont know how to tell if he is on drugs??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Dont know how to tell if he is on drugs??
I dont know if I am being super paranoid or if my boyfriend is really on drugs. My sister just got out of rehab for oxy and maybe i am just over exaggerating the situation???
My bf and I have been together for 2 years. This last year he moved in with two friends who I know do coke and i know one of them used to do meth. Lately my boyfreind has beensuper moody. We will be hanging out and everything is fine then I ask him where he is going cuz eh got up and put his coat on and he freaked out! He goes, Why are you always aking me questions!? Why do you need to know every little thing I do?! Your suffocating me!.....So I simply said okay, I was just asking a question....is this normal?? Then this weekend I came over on Sat and he slept for half the day till i woke him up to go out with friends. We went to the bar cam home at 2 I went to sleep and he stayed up till 7 in the morning!! He then slept all day sunday till 3 when i came over and broght him food. he had a couple bites then went back till sleep till 9 pm! then he stayed up playing video games till who knows what time and is still sleeping now....
he constantly has night sweats, his personal hygeine sucks, he is moody and always gets super protective if i mention that i think he does drugs...I dont know what to think..
My bf and I have been together for 2 years. This last year he moved in with two friends who I know do coke and i know one of them used to do meth. Lately my boyfreind has beensuper moody. We will be hanging out and everything is fine then I ask him where he is going cuz eh got up and put his coat on and he freaked out! He goes, Why are you always aking me questions!? Why do you need to know every little thing I do?! Your suffocating me!.....So I simply said okay, I was just asking a question....is this normal?? Then this weekend I came over on Sat and he slept for half the day till i woke him up to go out with friends. We went to the bar cam home at 2 I went to sleep and he stayed up till 7 in the morning!! He then slept all day sunday till 3 when i came over and broght him food. he had a couple bites then went back till sleep till 9 pm! then he stayed up playing video games till who knows what time and is still sleeping now....
he constantly has night sweats, his personal hygeine sucks, he is moody and always gets super protective if i mention that i think he does drugs...I dont know what to think..
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 35
Well....drug testing would tell you but does it matter? You don't like his behaviors. Do the drugs amtter? If it is NOT drugs, do you still want to be with someone like that?
Maybe you are smothering him. I tend to do that when I feel out of control. Maybe step back from the relationship for a while and re-evaluate it.
Maybe you are smothering him. I tend to do that when I feel out of control. Maybe step back from the relationship for a while and re-evaluate it.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by JustNotSure 
he constantly has night sweats, his personal hygeine sucks, he is moody and always gets super protective if i mention that i think he does drugs...I dont know what to think..
It's very common for women to fall head over heals in love with the hopeful fantasy of what they need or want that they forget to compare it to the guy that is.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Honestly not sure what I'm holding on for. I love him and care about him. He was not always like this. I was going to buy a drug test but i know he will refuse to take it..and last time we broke up he was talking about wanting to die and all this messed up stuff so I guess I'm almost scared to leave him...even though I'm not happy with him. I am 20 and he is 26.... I would think that he could be mature and just let me go but it doesn't seem to be working that way. So I almost feel like if I can prove he is on drugs then I have a reason to leave him and he wont be so hurt?? Idk...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,871
He's an addict and he'll find another to latch onto. I know that sounds cold, but it's the truth. He's got you all broke-in and doesn't want to have to break in a new one, but he will if he has to.
You are so young and you don't deserve to saddle yourself with an active addict who cares more about his drugs than he does you. They all threaten suicide because that's a hook that will keep us there. If he wanted to kill himself, he would do it whether you were there or not. He doesn't want to kill himself, he just doesn't want you to get away.
Please don't think that you leaving is going to destroy him. It won't.
You are so young and you don't deserve to saddle yourself with an active addict who cares more about his drugs than he does you. They all threaten suicide because that's a hook that will keep us there. If he wanted to kill himself, he would do it whether you were there or not. He doesn't want to kill himself, he just doesn't want you to get away.
Please don't think that you leaving is going to destroy him. It won't.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by JustNotSure
He was not always like this.
As for suicide threats, that is what 911 is for. Let the professionals handle it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Thats true... I dont want to be unhappy forever. Thanks everyone. He was suppose to come over for dinner and of course just called and ditched me because something came up...as it always does..I told him i think he is using and asked him to take a drug test. He said that I am a control freak. He will not take one because its unnecessary and he said he has hobbies he likes to do and they are far from drugs..and i need to think logically...ugh.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
"Why are YOU ALWAYS. . . "
"Why do YOU ALWAYS NEED . . ."
"YOU ARE . . ."
JustNotSure,
What happens when addicts blameshift this way, is we become just-not-sure we are beautiful, lovable, and worthy of being spoken to and treated with
decency, courtesy, kindness, respect.
Our standards go so low, you would not believe how low they will go the longer we stay with an addict who puffs up his self-centered bloated ego by putting us down.
You would not believe how ill codependents become. How gray and old inside.
You are 20 years old and in full bloom.
You deserve better than this emotional abuse and being ignored and stood up and dismissed.
Somehow, maybe in your childhood, you received the message that crumbs of affection are all you are worth.
You are worth presence, attention, commitment, gentleness, and consistent sane behavior from anyone you invite into your life.
I hope you don't lose yourself in his mind games.
Stay strong. God bless.
"Why do YOU ALWAYS NEED . . ."
"YOU ARE . . ."
JustNotSure,
What happens when addicts blameshift this way, is we become just-not-sure we are beautiful, lovable, and worthy of being spoken to and treated with
decency, courtesy, kindness, respect.
Our standards go so low, you would not believe how low they will go the longer we stay with an addict who puffs up his self-centered bloated ego by putting us down.
You would not believe how ill codependents become. How gray and old inside.
You are 20 years old and in full bloom.
You deserve better than this emotional abuse and being ignored and stood up and dismissed.
Somehow, maybe in your childhood, you received the message that crumbs of affection are all you are worth.
You are worth presence, attention, commitment, gentleness, and consistent sane behavior from anyone you invite into your life.
I hope you don't lose yourself in his mind games.
Stay strong. God bless.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
Originally Posted by JustNotSure
So I almost feel like if I can prove he is on drugs then I have a reason to leave him and he wont be so hurt?? Idk...
(from what I could gather from your post) You aren't married, you don't have a kid together, you don't live together, so you are in a much better position than a lot of people who find themselves dealing with their loved ones using drugs. So much of your life has not yet been lost to this evil, this madness, that has claimed sooo many people and their loved ones. You'd be doing yourself, your future husband, your future children, and your future in general a huge service to run as fast as you can in whatever direction is opposite this guy.
Just my humble opinion. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
it's kind of like the bird in the hand dilemma...you've got the "material" of a relationship to work with so it's frustrating to have to let go and start over, especially after the time investment and such. my sis has a motto of "not throwing good money after bad"
I'm sure you imagined your dinner date WAY different than how it turned out...which is a micro view of the overview...sounds like a downhill slide. you are not responsible for him or for the both of you. you are responsible for your effort not the outcome.
but if your effort does not get the outcome you would like then at a certain point you can decide you have tried hard enough. doesn't sound like he is putting any effort in.
20 years old is an amazing place to be...so so so so so so so many possibilities ahead! let go a little and see where life starts to lead you. make some acquaintance dates (I am just guessing here that maybe you don't have some solid friendships around because you have been putting your time and energy into him) take yourself on some dates...take a "breather" I bet life starts to fill in a little bit once you start turning away from the "energy pit" !
even if you don't make a decision right here and now...just start to back off a little...start training your gaze in other directions! 20!!! so so so much to see!
I'm sure you imagined your dinner date WAY different than how it turned out...which is a micro view of the overview...sounds like a downhill slide. you are not responsible for him or for the both of you. you are responsible for your effort not the outcome.
but if your effort does not get the outcome you would like then at a certain point you can decide you have tried hard enough. doesn't sound like he is putting any effort in.
20 years old is an amazing place to be...so so so so so so so many possibilities ahead! let go a little and see where life starts to lead you. make some acquaintance dates (I am just guessing here that maybe you don't have some solid friendships around because you have been putting your time and energy into him) take yourself on some dates...take a "breather" I bet life starts to fill in a little bit once you start turning away from the "energy pit" !
even if you don't make a decision right here and now...just start to back off a little...start training your gaze in other directions! 20!!! so so so much to see!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((JustNotSure))
In case no one has ever told you ~ You deserve to have a partner that . . .
participates fully in the relationship
cares for you as much as themselves
wants to SPEND QUALITY and QUANTITY time with YOU
contributes EQUALLY to the relationship
Respects themselves AND YOU
and that's just a basic starter list. . .
I had to learn these things at 40 something years old ~ sweetie you are half the age I learned them. . . Take a deep breath, look around you and see what this wonderful life has to offer a healthy, beautiful YOU!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
In case no one has ever told you ~ You deserve to have a partner that . . .
participates fully in the relationship
cares for you as much as themselves
wants to SPEND QUALITY and QUANTITY time with YOU
contributes EQUALLY to the relationship
Respects themselves AND YOU
and that's just a basic starter list. . .
I had to learn these things at 40 something years old ~ sweetie you are half the age I learned them. . . Take a deep breath, look around you and see what this wonderful life has to offer a healthy, beautiful YOU!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 159
I agree with the "trust your gut" comment. I didn't listen to mine, and was divorced 8 years later for the same issues I was concerned about when we met.
It sounds like you have a strong intuition and you will do the right thing. Best to you!
It sounds like you have a strong intuition and you will do the right thing. Best to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Crazy Land USA
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by cynical one
Birds of a feather. People that don't do drugs usually don't hang with those that do...as they have nothing in common. Drug tests are humiliating for all parties involved, can be altered easily, and even with positive "proof" will be denied.
What is it that you find endearing about someone who is super moody, sleeps most of the day, stays up all night playing video games (do grown men really do this?), and doesn't keep himself clean (Ewwww)?
What is it that you find endearing about someone who is super moody, sleeps most of the day, stays up all night playing video games (do grown men really do this?), and doesn't keep himself clean (Ewwww)?
I absolutely love reading your post. You are very straight forward and keep it real. Just what I need to hear in my life. Next time I need to vent I am private messaging you because you will just keep it real for me and keep me in check what is best for me and my recovery.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Marlene
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