mamaplus2kids

I've been just broken up again with my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years. I had been trying to patch things up with him and deal with my abandonment issues. But when he didn't respond to my text messages and call, and I waited and waited for for a response and it didn't come... I freaked. I cried. I felt the loss.

So I wrote him the following text message tonight:

"I've been fooling myself into thinking there was still a chance between us. I guess I killed our love for good. Please know that I never cheated on you. i am just too sad about losing you and realize I'm not healed enough to communicate with you. Please pick up your stuff, drop off the key, and send me a final bill. And please don't call me anymore." (regarding the bill: he was my contractor/builder; he's also a painter... hence the paintings.)

He called me instantly and left a message saying he didn't have time to pick up his stuff today. He said he was confused... I was doing so well this morning... but not now.

The problem was that I spent most of the day trying to figure out how to get him to love me... to come back to me.. to be with me... and I realized it didn't feel good. He's totally addicted to work and has no time to give me.

I wrote back: "You can pick up your stuff between 10 and 12 tomorrow. Leave the key in the kitchen."

He wrote back: "Have really no time and also no current solutions for my paintings." (He's been storing and exhibiting his paintings in my house.)

I guess I'm being too harsh to expect him to drop everything on a work day to deal with his stuff. I guess I should give him a week.

I feel like he's been holding me hostage.

"I've just been missing you too much and can't handle it."

nodaybut2day

Sounds like it's time to take a step back (as in waaaay back), cut all contact and let thing settle. If you are trying to get him to love you, then I would venture to say that you are attempting to force a situation that just isn't meant to be right now. Don't get me wrong, I've done exactly the same thing, and in my case, I was left feeling like next to nothing, unlovable, unworthy, etc. I came to realize I just couldn't rely on others to give me self-love.

You probably won't be able to get all his stuff out right away (and I totally get the need to cut the cord right away), but perhaps you can arrange for someone else to be home when he comes by?

mamaplus2kids

I trust him. I'm just a classic codie.

nodaybut2day

Knowing what you know about yourself, take steps to make a change. It won't mean instant results, but it will at least help you to feel like you're doing *something*.

Tuffgirl

Today is as great a day as any to stop that!

Loss feels this way. We don't need to act on it. Take a few days to just breath and be with your feelings. And let him be confused, too.

Hang in there!

Freedom1990

Is your boyfriend still an active alcoholic?

mamaplus2kids

I don't know. I know that he has a hard time not drinking in a social situation. He also smokes pot on occasion.

m1k3

mamaplus2kids. are you working a recovery?

BTW as an ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic) I can tell you that having an alcoholic parent sucks way more than you can believe. I am 58 and still dealing with issues from that.

From experience I do not recommend raising kids where a parent is an alcoholic.

Your friend,

mamaplus2kids

I am going to a weekly CODA meeting, going to a therapist, and reading everything I can about abandonment issues. I get up at 6 am every morning to journal on "Courage to Change" and tao readings.

I grew up with an alcoholic/unavailable/narcissistic mother. I am trying to heal those wounds. It's really not easy. And this break up is incredibly difficult... because he was sober when I fell in love with him... I saw the person who could be... and is when not using. It's incredibly sad.

I went to bed last night feeling crazy... so I prayed to my Higher Power to prevent my descent into any further craziness. I cried myself to sleep. During the night, I dreamed that my ex-boyfriend had died and the nurses were not authorized to tell me. I screamed and screamed, and then woke up 2 hours after falling asleep, feeling a strange calmness. Perhaps, this was my higher power letting me know that I had let go... or perhaps, I am really crazy.