parentneedshelp

well I have not been on here for a few months. I have been tracking down my daughter. Well I finally after watching a house for 2 weeks off and on got confirmation she was there.. Saturday I got word that she was there at that moment and jumped on the chance, I called the cops let them know that she was at this address and has an active warrent for VOP and that she is with her friend who also has a warrent. Well I got 2 for 1 on that call both of them were arrested. She called me shortly after she got processed and her first words were did you really call the cops on me. I told her yes I did, she asked the other day what was the meaning of unconditonal love (done on facebook) so i told her saturday you wanna know the meaning i just showed you the meaning. at least now I know you are safe and alive..I have no idea what the court has planned but she is thinking she is looking at prison time. I am ok with my decision to have her arrested actually if truth be told I was on cloud nine after I saw that they got her. Finally a good night's sleep. LOL.. now trust me I know this may not change anything it is her choice if she makes a change but for my sanity for now I know she is alive and safe. I just wanted to share some good news with all of you... I will keep you posted on the situation. Thank you all for all the support..

bluoval

I pray your daughter stays sober and safe. You may want to attend Al-Anon meetings in your area. It will give you more understanding about things concerning your daughter.

ctg492

You like many here are so strong. I wish the best to you and her.

keltie

That had to be tough. I admire you, and as a mother I totally understand your feeling of relief that she's at least safe and has a shot at sobriety. Bless you and her.

Ann

This mama is keeping you and your daughter in my prayers. I KNOW how tough this was for you.

Hugs

Heartbroken0608

I'm glad you were able to sleep well last night. My son is in jail and I completely understand the relief you feel knowing your child is safe.

I just can't get over the irony. For "normal" parents this would be their worst nightmare but for us it's good news! This disease really turns everything upside down doesn't it?

Best wishes to you

neferkamichael

You may very well have saved her life.

outtolunch

Who has legal and/or physical custody of your grandchild?

kiki5711

Way to go~ Keep being strong!

cc88

I'm slightly confused. This seems to me like the line between obsessing over/trying to control someone else's addiction and detaching is completely blurred. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad shes in jail and not on the street. No question that it is better for her. I can't imagine how hard it was to turn your own child in, and I can't say I wouldn't do the same, so I'm not trying to make waves here, I just didn't know if someone could explain to me why this stuff isn't considered to be exhibiting obsessive/controlling behavior?

Also, if she gets out and uses again will you track her down and have her arrested again?

Again, apologies if I sound judgmental or anything, I have just wanted to do the same kind of thing and talked myself out of it. So.. should I have after all?

parentneedshelp

I have legal guardenship for my granddaughter thank GOD... she has been making such great steps in coming out of her hole and becoming a typical 2 yr old brat...LOL... i just asked can we turn back the clock to when she did not talk cause all she does not is talk my ear off... NONE stop.. but I love it...

parentneedshelp

CC88 you may be right that i obessed over it but it was the only thing i knew i could do to save her life at least for the time being.. Yes I would do it all over again in a heart beat..I do not know if it is the right thing to do or not but i know it was the right thing for me to do.... she had been missing for 5 months and i finally got a lead so i took advantage of it.. she is shooting pills up and i knew either she would OD or end up murdered for stealing from other users. If she gets out and has another warrent for her yes i would track her down again.. You can never cause waves that is what this site is all about people sharing in thoughts. I would never be offended by anything that anyone posted to me that is what this site is all about, questions, sharing with other people who are dealing with same issues.. Thank you to everyone for responding to this post...

Chino

And that's the bottom line. Making choices we're able to live with

Impurrfect

(((parentneedshelp))) - I'm really glad you did what you did and that you have guardianship of your granddaughter. My dad/stepmom have the same with my niece, though she recently turned 18, but if her life was up to her "dad" (an A), there's no telling where she would be.

(((cc88))) - I totally understand what you posted. As I work my codie recovery, there are times when my head is spinning and I'm just not sure WHAT to do? Am I trying to control the outcome? Am I looking out for myself or an innocent bystander?

I can tell you this. I'm an RA as well as in recovery for codependency. When I relapsed, what got my attention was the fact that my dad was about to call my PO and report me - that meant I would go to prison. That got my attention REAL quick. With others, it wouldn't phase them.

Thing is, I was living at home when I relapsed (though I disappeared when I relapsed). My dad has his own codie issues, but at the time, all he could think was "get_her_off_the_streets_and_keep_her_safe". Was it codie? Can't really answer that question. Was it hard for him" Oh HE!! yes!! Did it give me the wake-up call I needed? Yes, I am coming up on 5 years of recovery.

I tell myself that he did what he did to help him sleep at night. He knew that if I was locked up, as much as that hurt him, I was safer than I was on the streets. I am grateful to him, but I realize the outcome isn't the same for everyone.

As a recovering codie, I refused to bail out XABF#3 from jail, I refused to put money on his books. Past behaviors had shown me he would return to the streets, smoking crack. I offered him emotional support, told him what MY life in recovery was like and that I prayed he would find the same life. He didn't. He died a couple of years ago in a crack house. Though it hurt, I'm OKAY with what I did.

I didn't enable him. I let him live with consequences of his actions. He never embraced recovery, but I did. Today? I talk to him and I tuck him in my heart so he can feel how awesome recovery is.

I truly believe that when we know better, we do better. I have no expectations on how my actions will affect others, it's more about how *I* feel. I don't go out of my way to make others face their consequences, but if I sleep better at night because I feel like I've done the right thing? Yep, I'll do it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy