Al-Anon + partner + religion + etc.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Munich
Posts: 1
Al-Anon + partner + religion + etc.
To cut a long story short: my wife and I always drank wine with enthusiasm. We had a couple of kids, in the UK, moved to Germany for work and culture reasons. As a freelance programmer, I had to work away from home from time to time. I discovered naturism, or more correctly, "being naktiv" (naked and active). My wife found any form of nudity abhorrent, and so we never discussed this, any form of nudity was always forbidden in the house, as were films, books, etc. As she withdrew from me and my (n)activities, I turned to drinking more. As I drank more, (a bottle of wine every night, plus), she drank less, and kept dropping "alchoholic" remarks to me and the kids, she was also behaving in a very depressive manner, playing the victim role, etc. I'm trying to keep this short...
After a number of years of this, and a few "bad experiences" with alcohol related arguments, we both went along to a couple of AA meetings, and an Al-Anon one. I have to say I was basically impressed, even though the religious stuff turned me right off, and was one of the main reasons for me not continuing to further meetings. In fact, once I mentioned something about the FSM (look it up), and at the end of every meeting, the leader took me aside and made sure I knew there were other meetings I could go to, if this one didn't work for me. I went to an Al-Anon meeting, and had a similar response, where a lady said the meetings weren't for Alcoholics like me, even though she apparently had alcohol related problems herself. Never mind, I'm digressing. All in all, I just couldn't hack the "higher power" rubbish, and left the AA to themselves. However, I'd like to add that while I was there, and because of a couple of stories which were shared, I was very much impressed by the determination of some of the members, and also by their preparedness to share some very difficult events with us. This I found to be a very important flag for me, to remember what other people have to put up with, and have dealt with, each in their own way.
While this was all trundling along, I had an especially bad experience when I drank excessively, seemingly blacked out, and started to destroy a mountain hut I was staying at. Well, the police were called and I was understandably thrown in a cell for the rest of the morning. Fortunately I had not hurt anyone, but it was still a big shock for me, and I resolved to do something about it. I haven't touched alcohol since that day, July, 2010.
Since then, my wife has attended weekly Al-Anon meetings, and has visibly taken somewhat of a fairly major step towards becoming a more normal human being. I should say I have also become much more "normal", as, without the regular alcohol intake, I'm feeling much more like engaging in sporting activities, (although it's harder to get started at my age and fitness level), and generally having more time for the family again. This is all good, however, there's a down-side (as I see it) from the AA/Al-Anon influence.
My wife drops "I'm not allowed to do that", and "if you're going to argue I'm going to leave", and "there must be no criticism" comments into her daily conversations and our admittedly reducing moments of conflict. She speaks of rooms full of love, and leaves bible-looking books, and buddhist prayer sayings, all over the house. I suppose my distaste at the spiritual leanings and the "words of wisdom" and the silly reliance on a "higher power", is only matched by her earlier distaste at the thought of my naked body. So, what goes round, comes round :-)
When all is said and done, we are getting on much better than we have for a long time, but it does sometimes feel as though it's an uneasy peace, and one has to be very careful of chance remarks about religion, although sniping at naked people appears to be always fair game. Well, after a year and a half of being sober, and counting, as I say, things are looking up, there are definitely more hurdles to cross with finding a way to bring our lives together again, perhaps, and I just wanted to share a little of our tale with the forum. I'm not entirely sure why, either, but here it is.
Thanks for listening.
Rich.
After a number of years of this, and a few "bad experiences" with alcohol related arguments, we both went along to a couple of AA meetings, and an Al-Anon one. I have to say I was basically impressed, even though the religious stuff turned me right off, and was one of the main reasons for me not continuing to further meetings. In fact, once I mentioned something about the FSM (look it up), and at the end of every meeting, the leader took me aside and made sure I knew there were other meetings I could go to, if this one didn't work for me. I went to an Al-Anon meeting, and had a similar response, where a lady said the meetings weren't for Alcoholics like me, even though she apparently had alcohol related problems herself. Never mind, I'm digressing. All in all, I just couldn't hack the "higher power" rubbish, and left the AA to themselves. However, I'd like to add that while I was there, and because of a couple of stories which were shared, I was very much impressed by the determination of some of the members, and also by their preparedness to share some very difficult events with us. This I found to be a very important flag for me, to remember what other people have to put up with, and have dealt with, each in their own way.
While this was all trundling along, I had an especially bad experience when I drank excessively, seemingly blacked out, and started to destroy a mountain hut I was staying at. Well, the police were called and I was understandably thrown in a cell for the rest of the morning. Fortunately I had not hurt anyone, but it was still a big shock for me, and I resolved to do something about it. I haven't touched alcohol since that day, July, 2010.
Since then, my wife has attended weekly Al-Anon meetings, and has visibly taken somewhat of a fairly major step towards becoming a more normal human being. I should say I have also become much more "normal", as, without the regular alcohol intake, I'm feeling much more like engaging in sporting activities, (although it's harder to get started at my age and fitness level), and generally having more time for the family again. This is all good, however, there's a down-side (as I see it) from the AA/Al-Anon influence.
My wife drops "I'm not allowed to do that", and "if you're going to argue I'm going to leave", and "there must be no criticism" comments into her daily conversations and our admittedly reducing moments of conflict. She speaks of rooms full of love, and leaves bible-looking books, and buddhist prayer sayings, all over the house. I suppose my distaste at the spiritual leanings and the "words of wisdom" and the silly reliance on a "higher power", is only matched by her earlier distaste at the thought of my naked body. So, what goes round, comes round :-)
When all is said and done, we are getting on much better than we have for a long time, but it does sometimes feel as though it's an uneasy peace, and one has to be very careful of chance remarks about religion, although sniping at naked people appears to be always fair game. Well, after a year and a half of being sober, and counting, as I say, things are looking up, there are definitely more hurdles to cross with finding a way to bring our lives together again, perhaps, and I just wanted to share a little of our tale with the forum. I'm not entirely sure why, either, but here it is.
Thanks for listening.
Rich.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
