Zeba

I'm 23 years old and I've been drinking for 10 years. I started blacking out when I was 16. I always tried to control my drinking so I could go out and have a few drinks like a normal person. Every once in awhile I feel like I've got the hang of it, and then something happens. When I black out I get angry and I'm mean to the people I love the most. Lately it's been my boyfriend. I was just on vacation for three weeks and I managed to keep my drinking in check the entire time, but in the week that I've been back I've blacked out three times. I know that I need to stop drinking, but I'm scared because I don't really know how to live without alcohol. It's just something I associate with going out, and being social, and having fun, even though more often than not these days it's not fun. I just wish that I could go out and have a couple drinks and come home and go to bed like a normal person, but I know that's not possible. If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions for me I'd really appreciate it. I really don't know where to go from here.

angief

I am new to this site but not new to being an alcoholic having suffered through it for 20 years. 12 step recovery meetings is probably the best advice i can give you, you will make likekind friends who do not drink and can show you how to live sober and enjoy it. I recently relapsed but am back going to AA or CA meetings and living sober on day 15. It is so possible and you do not want to waste the next 20 years of your life trying to figure out how to drink successsfully most probably?

Zeba

Thanks angief. I definitely don't want to do this for another 20 years. It's already been about 3 years that I've been thinking I could control it. I know it's not going to happen, it's just a scary thought. I appreciate your response, good luck with your efforts!

Strytone28

Hey Zeba, I associate going out with drinking as well. I have had it in my head for awhile that I am incapable of socializing or doing anything outside my house without having a drink first. Its honestly the only way I knew how to have fun and the only way I would feel comfortable, even though it almost always ends bad haha. I wish I could have just a drink and call it a night, but Im not that person and I never will be. I just had to accept that. Once I start there is no stopping. I would always convince myself otherwise though and when I blackout now I get angry,violent and remember little to nothing. It was too much for me and I dont wanna be that person. Im new to recovery but just really wanting to quit and listening to others who have similar stories have been what has got me through the first week. Im honestly looking forward to discovering new things to do besides drinking when I go out. Im definitely gonna have to change who I hang out with in some cases and if my friends cant accept that I dont wanna drink or be around it then they probably werent my friends to begin with. I just now realized this past week that no one has ever had a problem with sober me, but alot of people (family,good friends) have a problem with drunk me. Hope ya find something that works for ya!

Dee74

Welcome Zeba and angief

This community really helped me turn my life around. It really made a difference to know I wasn't alone and that someone else understood

You'll find a lot of support here - and a few ideas about other support as well if thats what you're looking for

D

NewBeginning010

Welcome to both of you, there is a lot of support here if you want it. Stay close & keep posting you can do this.

P.S. I am also from Vancouver Zeba ;-) Might get some snow on the mountains tonight ;-)

artsoul

Welcome Zeba! (you too, angief!)

I was really scared when I thought about getting sober, too. That's a pretty common theme for us..... I just knew that things were only going to get worse if I didn't stop and I also didn't want my life to revolve around alcohol anymore.

I feel like I have my sanity and freedom back now and I like my life. Like anything else, you learn and grow as you go along.

Glad you're here!

look4billw

Welcome Zeba!
The first thing I would do is educate myself online with the many resources about Alcoholism.
You can read the AA big book online.
If you feel that this book is talking to you, and telling some of your story in any part, you will have a better understanding of what you need to do.
Although this is only a start, you will understand that you're not alone in a place that nobody has been before, and that recovery is possible.
If you want the peace and serenity that recovery from active alcohol consumption can give you, you'll have to learn to be honest with yourself.
To be truthfully honest with you, any road to recovery will be as difficult as you choose to make it.
I have to say as others have said before the that my worst day in sobriety has always been better than my best day drinking.
When alcohol has taken charge of our life, we are just along for the ride.
When we remove the alcohol, and with the help of others, we take control of our lives.
We have the chance to become something that we have ceased to be, a useful person in many ways .
Surf the threads at this site. Read the first post of the thread and see if you can identify with the situation.
To me the amount of insight that the members here have about people that they have never met just goes to show me that one alcoholic speaking to another alcoholic is the bond of understanding that cannot be duplicated by nonalcoholic.
If you ever have a problem, or a question that you can't work out, there will be many members to offer suggestions about the path that they have taken that has worked for them.
I'm sure that you will be more than satisfy with the fellowship that you will find here.

Innerchild

I think its great you are realizing this now bc it took me years getting off that bunge drinking roller coaster. I started blacking out more and being verbally abusive and not remembering it. I was filled with guilt and shame bc sober I would never intentionally hurt another person. It took a recent admittence into a psych unit to get myself away from the alcohol. I am grateful for it bc I was to scared to stop on my own.

What works for you? You could try AA or even therapy. Try being honest with those you trust bc it helps to open up to others who will support you. Think about the positive and negatives of drinking I know that sure helps me when I am craving a glass of wine remembering the hell it brought to my life. Good luck and continue posting.

micealc

Welcome Guys,I went to my first AA Meeting at Around 23,
Ahh I'm too young,what will I do If i cant have a drink.
I went out there again several times,kept coming back to Meetings.
No one ever said anything to me except ,Keep coming,the door swings both ways.
Im now many years Sober and Clean.....I eventually threw in the towel.
My life is so Busy today,Im a member of society again.
It takes time to get out of the Drinking,Stinking, Thinking.
I wish ye the Best.

Zeba

Wow thanks for the responses everyone, I really appreciate it. Strytone28, what you wrote basically sums up my story as well. I've thought about going to meetings before, just to see what it's like, but again, it's scary. I guess it's time I just buck up an get over it! I know quite a bit about alcoholism, as my mom is an alcoholic as well. About a year and a half ago she decided to get sober and she stayed so for 8 months. She's working on getting back there again, and I'm not sure what I should say to her about my choice. I know she'd be supportive, but I don't know if it would would be a good idea to turn to her when she's going through the same thing?

Anyways, as I said before, I really appreciate everyone's responses. I will continue to read around here and post and hopefully I will find my way! I'm hoping we get a good dump of snow this weekend so I can snowboard on Monday!

Strytone28

I just went to my first meeting this past week, I was meaning to go to see what it was like for awhile but would walk up and turn around. Sometimes because of my social anxiety and other times because everyone looked so much older then me I didnt think I would fit in or relate with their alcohol problems. My last blackout freaked me out so much that I was able to go this past week without thinking twice. It was chill, real supportive and was good to hear other stories from people who have similar problems. Im going to try other meetings around so telling myself this isnt the only option helped as well. I would say give a meeting a try and see if you like it and feel comfortable. Cant hurt thats for sure. Posting and reading here on SR has helped keep me focus on quitting, been nothing but good info and support here. Hope ya get that snow!

Eltrc63

today makes day five for me and i am really really struggling.. I just opened a beer and was going to drink it but poured it out..real close..I have been sitting here for hours watching tv bored as hell. what do I do with my down time..and to make it worse I dont have the energy or motivation to do anything physical...I feel very alone and dont know what to do with myself..any good Ideas?

Strytone28

Congrats on 5 days Eltrc63!!! I can totally relate, Im on day 8 right now and finding things to do with my down time is getting tough. There is only so much tv a person can watch and most of its bad in the first place haha. Well done on pouring out and not giving in. Right now my down time has been writing, listening to music and reading recovery posts. Im trying to find other things because I feel a bit frozen in time, but physical activities havnt been on the list. I dont know if thats good or bad, but I just dont have the energy right now. Keep it up and keep posting.

Inca

Read (recovery memoirs helped), work out, think about what you used to do years ago but stopped doing because of alcohol. When I thought of this, the options were endless. Sports, food, arts and crafts, volunteering, pets, reading, movies, etc etc

Dee74

there's a lot of good ideas here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

D

Zeba

Congrats Eltrc63 and Strytone28 Way to put down the beer I've definitely found in the past that staying active has helped when I'm feeling down, and I have a feeling it will become even more important these next few weeks. Even on those days when you feel like you don't have any energy, if you can get up and move for even 20 minutes you'll feel better than before. It releases all of the endorphins that make us feel good. Think of the amazing willpower it took to pour out that beer! You have it in you

1undone

Hey all!!!! The first few days and the days leading up to the journey to a life being sober are not fun! What I can say is that there is so much support out there more than you know.

zeba, you been drinking since around 13yrs? You probably don't know what sober fun feels like on a long term basis? I could see why you'd be worried and have fear. You can talk about what that will be like here and when ready check out a meeting. You can look up a "young peoples" group. We have them here and I think it would be great for you. I personally wouldn't want to go to a meeting my mom goes too, not that you said you would. . I'm glad you posted!

All the youngins around here are making me feel old! LOL

Zeba

I don't really know what sober fun is like, and my social anxiety (which I suspect is a result of drinking and everything else I engaged in other these past years) has made it really difficult in recent years when I've started to notice a problem with my drinking. I used to tell myself I would go out and not drink, but shortly after I'd feel at a loss for words and uncomfortable and would just start drinking. So this is going to be scary, but I'm ready for it! I've tried to look for a "young people's" group and I haven't found one; still trying to learn how to work my way around this site. Any suggestions? Thanks for your response

surrenderordie

hi zeba take things a day at a time hour at a time minute at a time if you have to! i started drinking at Avery young age too and tryed to beat it, live with it for 18 years lots of trips to rehab & a.a and the relapses that come with it for me it it was fear that made me suffer for so long have hope it,s over 10years now since my last drink if i can do it anyone can.

“When fear knocks at the door, let faith answer and you find that no one is there”