this is me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 19
this is me.
I drink about an 18 pack a day of keystone ice. My tolerance is so high I don't really get buzzed. I get sleepy more than anything. All I feel is the depressant effect. No euphoria. "this t.v. show isn't entertaining"..."I don't have any emotion"..."i don't want to do anything or talk to anyone" are the 3 most common things I feel day to day. I refuse to drink hard liquor though, as bad things always seem to happen. Namely, just saying something dumb, which bugs me a lot because I'm a very introverted person and I over think everything. Which is one reason why I drink in the first place. To quit over analyzing every single thing I do or say. it's a relief and a curse.
about 2 years ago, all i did was smoke weed. all day everyday. i did it because reality was boring. i found everyone unintelligent and boring. it allowed me to get into my head, enjoy everything more, enjoy people more. and overall was the perfect cure for my ADD. in that time, everything was fine. i showed up for my job. didn't do anything stupid. just hung out with friends, played games. and maintained a great relationship with my girlfriend.
then christmas 2 years ago. my best friend came over. he was on drug court for marijuana and had something called k2. a synthetic cannabinoid. so we smoked it, because i missed getting high with him. he was just fine. i felt incredibly anxious, but no big deal.
then about a week later i smoked it again. 2 bong rips. i felt like my head was melting. no thoughts. it hurt to think. it never went away. i was sure i was going to have a seizure and die, or a brain aneurysm. something to that effect. and don't get me wrong. i don't say that for attention or something. it was hell.
the thing is. after that day. the feeling never went away. it's always there. i was signed up for college, but couldn't go. i try to read a book but taking in the information hurts so bad that I can't. I can't even work a job because it hurts my head so incredibly bad and i can't function. and if i say anything someone will just tell me to quit bitching and take an aspirin, which hurts my head.
no caffeiene, very small amounts of sugar, same with salt, any pill, tried many doctors and given many things to help. they have all made it progressively worse. say in the beginning it was at 10%. then i was given a headache pill from a neurologist. 15%. a pill. 20% worse. and so on. now it's almost unbearable and i've given up.
my girlfriend supports me. we barely get by, but we're alright. i can't ride in a car, it hurts so bad. we can't go on vacations and i can't live my life. my only relief and the only way to make this pain go away is drinking this beer.
it's horrible. i'd never kill myself tho. i don't know what i'm asking or saying really. just venting. I know the alcohol makes it worse overall, and sometimes when i wake up I can go for 3 hours, then i get a huge pain in my head that feels like someone is jamming a screwdriver in my ear. and i can't help but drink. if this pain didn't exist. i'm sure i would never drink.
well these scattered thoughts have taken my mind off of it for 20 minutes. now it's coming back. time for a beer or the feeling of someone squeezing my brain.
about 2 years ago, all i did was smoke weed. all day everyday. i did it because reality was boring. i found everyone unintelligent and boring. it allowed me to get into my head, enjoy everything more, enjoy people more. and overall was the perfect cure for my ADD. in that time, everything was fine. i showed up for my job. didn't do anything stupid. just hung out with friends, played games. and maintained a great relationship with my girlfriend.
then christmas 2 years ago. my best friend came over. he was on drug court for marijuana and had something called k2. a synthetic cannabinoid. so we smoked it, because i missed getting high with him. he was just fine. i felt incredibly anxious, but no big deal.
then about a week later i smoked it again. 2 bong rips. i felt like my head was melting. no thoughts. it hurt to think. it never went away. i was sure i was going to have a seizure and die, or a brain aneurysm. something to that effect. and don't get me wrong. i don't say that for attention or something. it was hell.
the thing is. after that day. the feeling never went away. it's always there. i was signed up for college, but couldn't go. i try to read a book but taking in the information hurts so bad that I can't. I can't even work a job because it hurts my head so incredibly bad and i can't function. and if i say anything someone will just tell me to quit bitching and take an aspirin, which hurts my head.
no caffeiene, very small amounts of sugar, same with salt, any pill, tried many doctors and given many things to help. they have all made it progressively worse. say in the beginning it was at 10%. then i was given a headache pill from a neurologist. 15%. a pill. 20% worse. and so on. now it's almost unbearable and i've given up.
my girlfriend supports me. we barely get by, but we're alright. i can't ride in a car, it hurts so bad. we can't go on vacations and i can't live my life. my only relief and the only way to make this pain go away is drinking this beer.
it's horrible. i'd never kill myself tho. i don't know what i'm asking or saying really. just venting. I know the alcohol makes it worse overall, and sometimes when i wake up I can go for 3 hours, then i get a huge pain in my head that feels like someone is jamming a screwdriver in my ear. and i can't help but drink. if this pain didn't exist. i'm sure i would never drink.
well these scattered thoughts have taken my mind off of it for 20 minutes. now it's coming back. time for a beer or the feeling of someone squeezing my brain.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 19
I've been seeing a psychologist for around 5 months now. He's given me paxil and zoloft. the paxil helped a little bit, but made my head feel much much worse. the zoloft felt like a pure stimulant to me, which made me feel terrible and i could barely eat or drink for an entire week. I'm no expert, and my memory is terrible. But I think he said the paxil was part anti anxiety and part antidepressant and zoloft is just an antidepressant. I know I just need an anti anxiety medication. but i know the doctor just thinks i'm an alcoholic, and the alcohol muddles my talking to people. but i also can't talk to people when my head is bad because i can't think and my brain doesn't work. i feel like i sound like a ******** 5 year old right now. so many thoughts and so much trouble putting them into words.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Welcome to SR MustardHandSoap
I've heard many horror stories about spice, and of course I've experienced my own horror story with pot and alcohol.
I drank drugged or smoked for 20 years. It took me a long time for my head to 'right itself' but it did.
The first step tho, I think is to stop the drinking.
Coming here is a good move - you'll find a ton of support.
Have you given any thought to real life recovery support as well?
D
I've heard many horror stories about spice, and of course I've experienced my own horror story with pot and alcohol.
I drank drugged or smoked for 20 years. It took me a long time for my head to 'right itself' but it did.
The first step tho, I think is to stop the drinking.
Coming here is a good move - you'll find a ton of support.
Have you given any thought to real life recovery support as well?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Welcome to SR MustardHandSoap
Have you given any thought to real life recovery support as well?
D
Have you given any thought to real life recovery support as well?
D
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
I'm not giving you medical advice obviously, but if I were you I would talk to my psychiatrist... there's such a wide range of treatment options out there. Paxil and Zoloft are only scratching the surface. Did you tell them that you started feeling this way after you had synthetic cannabis?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 343
Mustard, k-2 is extremely dangerous which obviously, you've found out the hard way. Some states are beginning to push legislature through to ban it and remove it from store shelves. Little is known about the long term effects but some users have indeed committed suicide.
Have you thought about looking into whether or not a lawyer might be able to help? Perhaps you are eligible for treatment study or something.
Just a thought.
Have you thought about looking into whether or not a lawyer might be able to help? Perhaps you are eligible for treatment study or something.
Just a thought.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 19
Yeah actually a journalist in turkey I think wanted to interview me and put me on a t.v. show about it. But I don't want that. I can tell all my experience with it, but I don't want to be the face of something or something like that.
I also feel incredibly stupid, because right on the package it says not intended for human consumption. And incredibly angry because 99% of people I know have smoked it on more than one occasion with no negative consequences.
I feel really proactive right now though, I doubt it will last long. I hope it does though. I just typed a long letter to my psychiatrist so maybe that will help. It feels good just getting these thoughts out though. I feel like I fell into the bottom of the well and living off of the water, spending my whole day screaming for help, but nobody comes. And I keep staying alive, because I can't help but drink when I'm thirsty.
^
Wow, that's a fitting analogy
I also feel incredibly stupid, because right on the package it says not intended for human consumption. And incredibly angry because 99% of people I know have smoked it on more than one occasion with no negative consequences.
I feel really proactive right now though, I doubt it will last long. I hope it does though. I just typed a long letter to my psychiatrist so maybe that will help. It feels good just getting these thoughts out though. I feel like I fell into the bottom of the well and living off of the water, spending my whole day screaming for help, but nobody comes. And I keep staying alive, because I can't help but drink when I'm thirsty.
^
Wow, that's a fitting analogy
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