Wondering if there will be a time I can drink normally
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
Wondering if there will be a time I can drink normally
Hey, I am not drinking today. I dont want a drink and actually terrified to drink bc I never want to get to where I was again. I was talking with my boyfriend who has been the brunt of my verbal abuse when I am drunk and I dont remember what I would say to him while blacked out. Anyway, he told me that I need to get to a point in which I can have one glass of wine and thats it not drink the entire bottle. I told him as of right now its better that I not drink because in the past I would promise two glasses of wine and end up drinking more and I dont want to chance is bc I never want to get to where I was spending man evenings in crisis units suicidal bc of drinking.
I am taking one day at a time. But, I am wondering once I get through intense therapy to get rid of all those toxic emotions inside of me would I ever be able to enjoy a glass of wine on occasion again. All I know is right now I do not want to chance it. I am thinking rationally about this where as in the past id tell myself I could and then find myself in the same position.
I drank to self medicate for my depression and anxiety which I have been suffering from since the age of 12. I didnt start drinking until the age of 22 after my mother blamed me for my parents divorce and then a close friend from high school dying in a car accident. Before that I never drank bc I grew up with parents who had wild parties and their drunkeness always embarrassed me as a kid.
I am taking one day at a time. But, I am wondering once I get through intense therapy to get rid of all those toxic emotions inside of me would I ever be able to enjoy a glass of wine on occasion again. All I know is right now I do not want to chance it. I am thinking rationally about this where as in the past id tell myself I could and then find myself in the same position.
I drank to self medicate for my depression and anxiety which I have been suffering from since the age of 12. I didnt start drinking until the age of 22 after my mother blamed me for my parents divorce and then a close friend from high school dying in a car accident. Before that I never drank bc I grew up with parents who had wild parties and their drunkeness always embarrassed me as a kid.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Anyway, he told me that I need to get to a point in which I can have one glass of wine and thats it not drink the entire bottle.
The next time he comes up with something like this, suggest HE do some research on alcoholism for himself.
Alcoholism is like a cucumber that becomes a pickle, once a pickle there is no going back to being a cucumber.
Once an alcoholic there is no going back to be a 'normal' drinker.
This is all about YOUR recovery and abstaining from alcohol. If you adhere to that, work on you to get to the 'ism', you will find a life you never believed was possible.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
One Foot in Front of the Other
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
I think your answer will only come with a healthy dose of soul-searching and self-reflection. For me, one drink leads to two, two to four, four to who-knows-how-many, and then further down the rabbit hole. But it all starts with that first drink.
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
Yeah, as of right now its not an option and even if someone handed me a glass of wine I wouldnt touch it. My bf can have one beer or glass of wine a month and not continue drinking my response is I want to feel a buzz and whats the point of one glass of wine or a beer when you can just drink water lol. Yes, I do have issues with alcohol I want to feel a buzz from it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York City
Posts: 221
No one complains that I never eat anchovies. I just don't understand another person's obsession with needing me to eat anchovies socially. What do they hope to gain? Why must I conform to something I despise?
After all it's just a pickled, salted fish? Why is it so important to some that I have them occasionally, when they know I don't/can't eat them? It's similar to pressuring a diabetic to eat a Snickers bar. Or heart patient to have a plate of sausages. I don't eat anchovies, ever. Been there, done that, I'll pass.
Obviously this is an analogy.
It's becoming more and more clear as well, that there's a growing obsession in the medical and rehab community that moderation is the new goal in recovery. I sense this is coming from drug companies, actually, but what's funny/sad is just how misguided non-addicts are. They may mean well, but they seem so out of touch with the reality of what it's like to be addicted. Why is moderation so important to some? Just live without it and get on with life.
After all it's just a pickled, salted fish? Why is it so important to some that I have them occasionally, when they know I don't/can't eat them? It's similar to pressuring a diabetic to eat a Snickers bar. Or heart patient to have a plate of sausages. I don't eat anchovies, ever. Been there, done that, I'll pass.
Obviously this is an analogy.
It's becoming more and more clear as well, that there's a growing obsession in the medical and rehab community that moderation is the new goal in recovery. I sense this is coming from drug companies, actually, but what's funny/sad is just how misguided non-addicts are. They may mean well, but they seem so out of touch with the reality of what it's like to be addicted. Why is moderation so important to some? Just live without it and get on with life.
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
What I noticed though when I have gone to AA these rooms are packed and then I notice how many liquor stores and bars are in every town. The towns are very small only a few miles long as they are right on the coast but you can count on having a liquor store and bar on each block. No wonder why so many people become alcoholics its cheap and so easy to get your hands on it. Drinking is the social norm its not like drugs which are harder to come by and I wouldnt know how to get my hands on them and never had the desire to try anything else but alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
21 years of many one days at a
time collected together to get me
where I am today, sober, happy,
and content and without any
reservations that I can ever drink
successfully.
I couldnt way back then nor can
I today.
See, there was never enough alcohol
then to satisfy my cravings for it and
there will never be enough alcohol in
this world to satisfy it now.
Why would I want my misery refunded
to me when life is the best it's ever been.
Truely, my life in recovery is a blessing
and joy.
This is the HOPE that I can share with you.
time collected together to get me
where I am today, sober, happy,
and content and without any
reservations that I can ever drink
successfully.
I couldnt way back then nor can
I today.
See, there was never enough alcohol
then to satisfy my cravings for it and
there will never be enough alcohol in
this world to satisfy it now.
Why would I want my misery refunded
to me when life is the best it's ever been.
Truely, my life in recovery is a blessing
and joy.
This is the HOPE that I can share with you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 40
it seems to me the problem you face is with the 'intent' of drinking in the first place. if you 'want the buzz' then no, avoid it. If you must, drink because of the occasion and because it's a social norm.
A wedding: have 1-2 drinks. but drive there knowing you have to drive home and not be pulled over.
There is nothing wrong with having a drink, just make sure its for the right reason. If you have a drink to get 'buzzed' then its all wrong, have a soda water.
A wedding: have 1-2 drinks. but drive there knowing you have to drive home and not be pulled over.
There is nothing wrong with having a drink, just make sure its for the right reason. If you have a drink to get 'buzzed' then its all wrong, have a soda water.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
From your post innerchild, I think it is highly unlikely that you will drink normally... consistantly and reliably.
There will always be another crisis, there will always be another rainy monday morning.
Keep posting!
There will always be another crisis, there will always be another rainy monday morning.
Keep posting!
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
All I know is that I am taking each day at a time bc the alcohol is out of my system, I dont wake up with a hangover, I dont feel guilty about sending out drunken texts, and clear headed and I never want to feel that way again and will remind myself of how I am feeling without alcohol.
One Foot in Front of the Other
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by Innerchild 
All I know is that I am taking each day at a time bc the alcohol is out of my system, I dont wake up with a hangover, I dont feel guilty about sending out drunken texts, and clear headed and I never want to feel that way again and will remind myself of how I am feeling without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
Bluemuppet,
I strongly disagree with your post. Some people can't have one or two drinks no matter what their intent (good, bad or indifferent). Some people can't eat peanuts because they break out into hives and have difficulty breathing. Would you tell the folks who are allergic to peanuts that if they just ate them for the "right reasons" or on some "special occasion" that they would be just fine? Hardly. For some of us, once we take that first drink, we trigger a craving for more and more and more. We take the drink and the drink takes us. It doesn't matter what our intentions are.
Susan
I strongly disagree with your post. Some people can't have one or two drinks no matter what their intent (good, bad or indifferent). Some people can't eat peanuts because they break out into hives and have difficulty breathing. Would you tell the folks who are allergic to peanuts that if they just ate them for the "right reasons" or on some "special occasion" that they would be just fine? Hardly. For some of us, once we take that first drink, we trigger a craving for more and more and more. We take the drink and the drink takes us. It doesn't matter what our intentions are.
Susan
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
" We have seen the truth demonstrated again and agian. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking , there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday will be immune to alcohol." pg. 33 BB
Something I had a real hard time coming to grips with in the beginning. Thats me though, I know now I can not pick up that first drink , I have tried it. I am right were I left of each time in days.
Best wishes on your journey.
Good love, Inda
Something I had a real hard time coming to grips with in the beginning. Thats me though, I know now I can not pick up that first drink , I have tried it. I am right were I left of each time in days.
Best wishes on your journey.
Good love, Inda
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
I also STRONGLY dissagree with Bluemuppet. Please dont take that advice. If you are an alcoholic and have diagnosed yourself as YOU are the only one who can diagnose yourself then you should know that you have an illness of the mind and an allergy of the body. Real alcoholics can not drink "normally." That means EVER. It is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I am young still so i thought i could drink normally again about 6 months ago. I gave it a TRY. I was pretty successful for a month....then the mental obsession kicked in and i lost all control. I lived miserable once again for a few more months. I then humbled myself enough to get back to AA and get help.
Good luck to you.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
IC, you may find you prefer living life without any of the booze drama.
The problem is most alcoholics can't and have to continually work really hard at rationalizing a way to keep it in their lives when it clearly doesn't make sense.
Your desire to someday control and enjoy your drinking is classic alcoholism. Wouldn't it be nice to have this ongoing problem relieved?
The sober and comfortable people you viewed in the meetings after passing all the liquor stores and bars along the coastal towns are different from you in one respect only...they've taken 12 steps and you've not. If the conflicts have gotten old and tedious to you, why not live better?
That's a possible course if you feel you deserve better too, or you could just accept this is how it will always be for you. One of those personal choices to make for yourself that affect no one else. They'll still be comfortably sober no matter what you choose for yourself.
The problem is most alcoholics can't and have to continually work really hard at rationalizing a way to keep it in their lives when it clearly doesn't make sense.
Your desire to someday control and enjoy your drinking is classic alcoholism. Wouldn't it be nice to have this ongoing problem relieved?
The sober and comfortable people you viewed in the meetings after passing all the liquor stores and bars along the coastal towns are different from you in one respect only...they've taken 12 steps and you've not. If the conflicts have gotten old and tedious to you, why not live better?
That's a possible course if you feel you deserve better too, or you could just accept this is how it will always be for you. One of those personal choices to make for yourself that affect no one else. They'll still be comfortably sober no matter what you choose for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by IndaMiricale
" We have seen the truth demonstrated again and agian. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking , there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday will be immune to alcohol." pg. 33 BB
Something I had a real hard time coming to grips with in the beginning. Thats me though, I know now I can not pick up that first drink , I have tried it. I am right were I left of each time in days.
Best wishes on your journey.
Good love, Inda
Something I had a real hard time coming to grips with in the beginning. Thats me though, I know now I can not pick up that first drink , I have tried it. I am right were I left of each time in days.
Best wishes on your journey.
Good love, Inda
*we'll
but +1 to the sentiment!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
For me, drinking is like standing out in the snow nekked waiting for Spring. It's a risky choice, it's unhealthy not to mention stupid, it's an embarrassment and I know what the consequences are so why even attempt it?!
If you know that alcohol is a bad influence on your life then not having any may just relieve all doubt and concern. Remove it from your life.
If you know that alcohol is a bad influence on your life then not having any may just relieve all doubt and concern. Remove it from your life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Hello innerchild. Great job on your sober time!
I have tried countless times to have just a few drinks and drink responsibly after periods of sobriety. It NEVER worked for me. In no time, I was just as bad as I was before I stopped. Once I take a drink and start to feel that buzz, I want more and more and more. One or two drinks only will just make me mad. For non-alcoholics, one or two drinks usually does the opposite.
If you are an alcoholic, I STRONGLY recommend staying away from any drink whatsoever.
God bless.
I have tried countless times to have just a few drinks and drink responsibly after periods of sobriety. It NEVER worked for me. In no time, I was just as bad as I was before I stopped. Once I take a drink and start to feel that buzz, I want more and more and more. One or two drinks only will just make me mad. For non-alcoholics, one or two drinks usually does the opposite.
If you are an alcoholic, I STRONGLY recommend staying away from any drink whatsoever.
God bless.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by susanlauren
Bluemuppet,
I strongly disagree with your post. Some people can't have one or two drinks no matter what their intent (good, bad or indifferent). Some people can't eat peanuts because they break out into hives and have difficulty breathing. Would you tell the folks who are allergic to peanuts that if they just ate them for the "right reasons" or on some "special occasion" that they would be just fine? Hardly. For some of us, once we take that first drink, we trigger a craving for more and more and more. We take the drink and the drink takes us. It doesn't matter what our intentions are.
Susan
I strongly disagree with your post. Some people can't have one or two drinks no matter what their intent (good, bad or indifferent). Some people can't eat peanuts because they break out into hives and have difficulty breathing. Would you tell the folks who are allergic to peanuts that if they just ate them for the "right reasons" or on some "special occasion" that they would be just fine? Hardly. For some of us, once we take that first drink, we trigger a craving for more and more and more. We take the drink and the drink takes us. It doesn't matter what our intentions are.
Susan
I also STRONGLY dissagree with Bluemuppet. Please dont take that advice. If you are an alcoholic and have diagnosed yourself as YOU are the only one who can diagnose yourself then you should know that you have an illness of the mind and an allergy of the body. Real alcoholics can not drink "normally." That means EVER. It is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I am young still so i thought i could drink normally again about 6 months ago. I gave it a TRY. I was pretty successful for a month....then the mental obsession kicked in and i lost all control. I lived miserable once again for a few more months. I then humbled myself enough to get back to AA and get help.
Good luck to you.
Good luck to you.
I was trying to convey the choice that you can force yourself to recognize the scenario your are in and act accordingly. I for one no longer drink in social settings. I can't do it to be healthy, but i hope it shows that i at least understand.
If my points before were un-called for, I take full responsibility.
Much love and strength to all!
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