TCB5568

It's been a while since I posted and I wish I could say my AH has improved but not so much...He drinks every day as soon as he gets out of Work about 2p.m. and until he passes out/goes to sleep. Today he drank at least 6 - 24 oz. Icehouse beers. It's so stressful with the kids around all his rambling.Those are higher alcohol content than average beers. He always sleeps for a little while and then gets up to eat food and practically eat-sleeps! He eats while his head rests on the pillow....He has fallen asleep and dropped his food on the floor probably more times than I care to know. Then he tells me he loves me on his way back to bed...gross! This is just one of my peeves...

TCB5568

I'm amazed he can get up and go to work after all that drinking yesterday! He always does though. He's been drinking this heavy for as long as I've known him. He lost his job close to a year ago mostly due to cutbacks but sometimes I wonder..Did his co-workers think he reeked like beer every day? I've always known he was a drinker but never thought he was an alcoholic. He has admitted to me recently that he has a problem. He promises to work on it but it never lasts more than a few days.
Our three children 8, 6 and 1 are treated roughly and I know it is because of the alcohol. According to all I've read and experienced. This isn't going away or getting better. I thought I was going crazy! I have bad anxiety and migraines. No wonder because I am letting him do this to us. I feel so angry because if he doesn't stop drinking I will be forced to make him see the consequences. Wish things could be different! When Ever I talk to him he is like a brick wall and I feel like I must be the crazy one! I feel like he doesn't even care anymore even though he says it ! I keep thinking about that saying that nothing changes if nothing changes...something definitely needs to change here.

catlovermi

There is a lot of information on the ACOA board about what this environment creates in children.

They have now lived their entire lives in this environment, that is: 8 years of childhood, 6 years of childhood, and 1 year of childhood - years that are forging them as future people, what they think life should be like, how they should be treated, what a home life should feel like, how mates treat each other. Children are like sponges, and in their early, formative years - the lessons are engraved into their long-term memories.

With one parent an active alcoholic, that leaves only one other parent to advocate for those children, and protect and nurture them.

Sending encouragement,

CLMI

PHIZ007

I feel your pain my friend.....I too have three children 11, 7 and 5 and my husband is an alcoholic. He also drinks every evening after work....two bottles of wine a night! he is hostile and "off" with me......I have learnt alot on my journey and I am getting better and better at detatching but it sure isn't easy and with young children it is a constant struggle.
I love him BUT I hate the alcoholism and what it does to us as a couple and as a family. I am in the process of planning my exit from this dysfunctional marriage. I deserve better and so do our beautiful children.
More folks will be along shortly with posts for you. This place is an absolute lifeline :0).
Take care of you Phiz :0)

suki44883

I'm sorry you and your children are going through this. I hope you will find the strength to make some changes that need to be made. You don't deserve this and your children certainly don't, but they don't have a choice.

fedup3

TCB, have you been to Al-Anon? You will find help there and connect with people who understand what is happening in your life. But for now take some deep breaths, calm your mind and begin small, think what one step can I do that will bring me closer to having relief in mine and my kids life?

Please remember that we are here for you so keep posting.

worried72

Wishing you peace and clarity. I have been where you are. There but for the grace of God... my DH is coming home from inpatient soon - almost 2 months worth. It was many, many years of "admitting" and "working on it" before we got to that place. We became roommates, basically... who didn't really like eachother very much. Yuck. We have a 7 year old daughter who didn't even realize there was a "problem" because she had only ever known her Daddy as quiet, uninvolved, depressed.... not a great way to see your father.

I have hope, but it's cautious.

This is super duper hard. Most people could not do it.

Best of luck to you on this journey.
Peace.

L.

tjp613

Did you make an appointment to see the counselor? (((((Hugs)))) I hope things improve for you and your kids this year. You seem like such a sweetheart. I hate to think of you all being unhappy and afraid.

TCB5568

Haven't talked to a counselor yet. I know I should but honestly scared of what they will tell me I need to do..I keep waiting to see if he will try to do better for us..It's just so depressing anymore. I am going to find an Alanon meeting around here. I'll check out those stickies in the ACOA BOARD TOO. thanks for the support everyone.

LaTeeDa

In my experience, a good counselor will not tell you what to do. They will help you figure it out for yourself. If it wasn't for my counselor, I might still be living the life you are living.

L

tjp613

LaTeeDa is right. The counselors will (should) NOT tell you what to do. They will respect your right to make your own choices for you and your family. They are there to support you, validate your feelings, give you a safe place to discuss your situation and to offer information about your resources and options. Honestly, when I was in your shoes, that weekly appointment was such a comfort. I hope you give it a chance, but of course, it's up to you. Just know that they are there if/when you need them.

TCB5568

Thanks tjp...I'll look into it. I just hope I can even get out of this house to talk to someone ha ha

tjp613

You can always talk by phone if necessary. Just make sure he's not around when you call.

Carol Star

Some meetings have childcare. It is a progressive disease. I hope you get out for the children since you said he is abusive.

dollydo

Children should not be exposed to alcoholism. They will take their childhood into adulthood.50% of all children raised in a toxic addiction fueled home become addicts themselves or they marry others with addiction issues.

I was subjected to my parents alcoholism as a child, I am 64 and am still dealing with the trauma. Children internalize, they do not verbalize and they see and hear everything.

They have already inherited the gene that predisposes them to addiction, this alone is scary.

I am not addicted to anything, never have been, however, I attract every drunk in the neighborhood, married 2.

Educate yourself, do what is best for your children, you are their voice, their future.

Keep reading, keep posting, it will help.