isabella1bella

Hi

Im a newbie, found this site whilst Googling "fear of my 1st AA meeting". I have my first meeting this Sunday morning and I am petrified ... I have only recently admitted that I have a problem with drink and am feeling ashamed, guilty and beating myself up, I guess Ive had a problem with drink for a long long time .. I drink to get drunk. I'm known as the party girl - the fun - the life of the party .. I black out I wake up with the fear .. I hold down a top job and people in work are none the wiser.

I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years where I am was beaten phsysically and tortured mentally, drink helped me to cope and eventually 2 years ago I got out .. out of the relationship but then drink was my release my party-tool .. all my friends said how great it was to have me back "on form", I met a great guy who doesnt drink much a year ago and I guess through being with him I realised my behaviour wasn't normal and I dont want to lose him so I've decided I want to get help .. I want to enjoy my life, I want to live my life free from drink .. but how do I walk in that door on Sunday .. I'm afraid people will look, what if someone recognises me ... for the first time in a long long time .. I am PETRIFIED !!!

Plz help me ....

Jeans

Hi Isabella and welcome to SR.

I've been putting off going to AA for the same reason you've given, what if someone recognises me. I admire you for actually deciding to go though. It's worth going, you don't have to speak from what I gather so just see how it goes. It's always scary going into a room full of new faces, especially when ur there for addiction. I need to take a leaf out of your book and stop making excuses and go to a meeting myself.

I'm glad you have found the courage to leave your ex. Have you stopped drinking now?

Good luck at your meeting, you'll be fine x

Scolova

Welcome bella. It's great you found this forum, lots of helpful people who have been there. I have not attended an AA meeting in person, but I see it as with most events in our lives, it is often the fear of doing something that far outweighs actually doing it. Think of all things that can change for the better.

isabella1bella

I am sober 6 full days now, not long but I know that its something - I would always have drank wine every night and more at weekends .. my sister got married last week and 3 days before the wedding I went on a vodka bender and rang family members abusing them ... it made me face up to what an ugly person I am on drink. I went to bed the day after and felt so low I considered finishing it all, I want to be free.
I don't know if I will make it in the door on Sunday but the reason I chose Sunday is because it's an open meeting .. there is a closed meeting tomorrow but that means I have to then admit that I am something that I can't yet bring myself to say. I'm 31 and frightened

NewBeginning010

Hi isabella1bella,

Welcome to SR

You will find a lot of support here. Don't worry about going to your first meeting, you just have to walk in & sit down (and most importantly... listen).

Everyone there understands why you are there as they have had challenges with alcohol too.

You can do this, the pain & suffering that alcohol causes for those that cant drink like "normal" people isnt worth it.

Best of luck in your sobriety & keep us posted.

Cheers ~ NB

isabella1bella

Thank you ... do you know this is the first time in a long time that admitting I have a problem isnt making me feel complete shame.

My boyfriend wants to come to the meeting Sunday with me but I am too ashamed for him to come .. I feel that if Im going to get through the 1st meeting it's something I have to do on my own , I couldnt bare for him to see me in such a shameful position .. am I right or wrong?

Dee74

Hi and welcome Isabella

I'm sure you'll hear from a lot of people here who'll tell you there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of

I hope the meeting goes well

D

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

I know a great way to lessen the anxiety of your AA meeting on Sunday.

Go to a meeting today, and another tomorrow (you can also go to more than 1 per day). By Sunday you will be a vetern and it will be no big deal. Why are you waiting for Sunday anyway?

isabella1bella

because it's an open meeting and therefore I wont have to admit that I am ((THAT)) can't bring myself to say that yet

Innerchild

I live in a small town and known at my gym as someone respected and influential so going to an AA meeting scared the crap out of me because I was afraid I would see people who knew me at the meetings. People around here know eachother and gossip so I was pretty scared. Yesterday was the first time I saw people at a meeting I knew who I have been drunk around which is pretty sad but you have to think about getting better and not want others are thinking. Its not so scary people are pretty nice at the meetings. I find some meetings better than others. I feel more comfortable at womens meetings. Good luck .

endlesspatience

Dear Isabella

I don't think there's anyone who looked forward to their first AA meeting. We were all terrified. Having been to literally hundreds of meetings now, I can say wholeheartedly that I enjoy them, they are interesting and they keep me sober. That's reason enough to screw up your courage and give it a go. But why wait till Sunday? You could go today if you really wanted to....

dawnrunner

I bet you are going to be pleasantly surprised. I certainly was.

One thing to think about: AA meetings are not just for oneself. You are also going to help others, not necessarily by saying something brilliant, maybe just by smiling at them, or just by being there and sitting quietly.

We all have this terrible stereotype of 'the Alcoholic', a shivering unkempt person who startles at bright light. And there might be someone at the meeting who is just like this, but there will also be others and they'll be the majority: every kind of person you might have passed on the street on the way in to the meeting.

I agree that going ahead to a meeting today, if possible, would be excellent rehearsal for the Sunday one! Go with an open heart and prepare to be surprised and helped.

In any case best wishes to you in rediscovering your joy.

ClosetAlchie

Welcome to SR!

Most everyone here was terrified of their first meeting (if you look back in posts about two weeks, I had a thread almost identical to yours!) But I think most of the fear is just not knowing what to expect.

My advice? Tear it off like a bandaid. Just go, and when they ask for sharing, throw your hand up there and just let it go. Once you share once, and realize that the people there are genuinely interested in your story and are not judging you, it changes everything and you realize there's nowhere you'd rather be.

Sapling

I agree with Zebra...Go to one today...Go to two. Open or closed. You don't have to admit anything. All you have to have is an honest desire to stop drinking...I think you qualify. Go in...Be positive...And just listen. Everyone in that room has the same thing you have...A desire to stop drinking...It's a wonderful thing.

oshun

I read something here that really helped me get to my first meeting last night. I didn't worry about people seeing me throwing up in the parking lot of a bar or stumbling down steps, why would I be embarrassed if someone saw me making steps to better myself?

tanja

Isabella,

I don't see anything wrong with having your boyfriend come with you to the first meeting for emotional support. It takes great courage to walk through those doors, but you will be so proud of yourself when you do. You should be able to identify with those in the meeting and actually be glad you went. I've had the exact feelings you describe. I forced myself to go and actually felt better when I attended. You can gain a lot by attending a support group where others are suffering from the same disease. Wishing you much luck

Josiegirl

Isabella,

Whenever I am affraid or anticipate somthing coming up that I don't want to do... I keep telling myself, "don't borrow your worries from tomorrow, focus on today"....

Somehow that helps me lower my anxiety. I also try to work on breathing... because when I worry, I don't breath correctly and makes me feel worse.

IndaMiricale

First welcome and congrats on your decision.

I am glad to hear you are going to try a meeting, I am AA person myself and just have become to love my meetings and fellowship.

Try not to get all wound up just go listen and enjoy.

And those negitive feelings will fade, and for those that always say they worry about being reconzied , just think and laugh, what do you think those people that might actually know you are there for.

We do this together, please come back and post how it went.

Good love, Inda

isabella1bella

Thanks for all your messages and support ... I broke down crying and in terrible fear this afternoon and when my boyfriend came in from work we talked it all through. he is an amazing person and 100% supporting me to get better. I have decided that it will be better to go sooner rather than later. I will go Sunday still but will see if I can get somewhere nearby before that and I will walk in with him holding my hand for support. I was of the opinion that admitting the problem would be showing a weakness that would make people think less of me ... right now I feel positive and feel strong. I know by morning it could be back to feeling weak and shame but the positive is I dont want a drink right now to block it all out ... im going to see if there is a meeting sooner ... thank you all so much, you have no idea how you reached out to me today ...

autumn1554

Yesterday is over. All you can do is move forward from this moment on. Going to a meeting is hard, your boyfriend sees wonderful potential in you and your life to be better then it has been, and more importantly, I believe you do too. It's in your hands now start making your life into what you want it to be. Support is always here!