Chimmy

Hi,

My Mother is an alcoholic, I can't get to any Al Anon meetings as the one that is in my area is too far for me to travel to, so by the time I've got home from work and got there the meeting would be over. I am moving soon though so hopefully I'll be able to go then.

So my Mum used to be a full blown every day drinking alcoholic, after 2 bouts at a rehab service provided by the NHS she managed to stay sober for 5 years, that takes us to 2006/7 then she drank than wouldn't drink and the spaces are getting closer together and the severity of the drinking is getting worse.

Now her drinking binges are 2 months apart, last for approx 2 weeks - if her drinking binge is interuppted then it reoccurs earlier. is it normal to have a pattern like this?

I spoke to her at the weekend - she was still drunk, I was supposed to be there at the weekend as I had to look for a house, and I am moving back there from 300 miles away, and I had an interview on the Monday, but she was drinking so I don't speak to her, or visit her whilst she is drinking. When I spoke to her at the weekend (she text me to say she was OK) she said oh sorry, I wouldn't have been drinking if I knew you were coming - I was really hurt can one of these binges be controlled so easily?

I am really angry, and hurt, and I am so sick of this, I know it sounds terrible but when she is like this I just wish she wasn't around at all - its hard to rememeber the Mum I like and Love, this one is horrible, selfish and mean.

When she is well she won't seek help. She goes to the Doctors after a binge, but they don't do anything just give her anti deppressants, but they haven't helped.

She has gone on assertiveness courses, and rehab and nothing seems to help. Why does she get this little deamon in her that wants to drink and how can she combat it when she is sober. Is it that she actually does want to drink and is this why there is such an obvious pattern????

I'm getting really pissed off with this whole situation now!!!

Seren

Hi Chimmy! Vent away here all you want!

I'm sorry to hear about your weekend. I know how hard it is not to take it personally when someone we love drinks too much.

But it's not personal. She's not drinking "at" you or anyone else. She's an alcoholic, and she just drinks. I don't think she could even tell you why.

I really hope your job intervew went well, and the house hunting, too! And your minimizing contact with her for your own sanity is perfectly OK. Many, many folks here have had to cut ties completely with their own parents just to have a little peace in their own lives.

I hope your day improves! HG

Chimmy

I've had to cut off all ties with my Father, who is also trying to get in touch at the moment as well!! It's all go!!! (I am just not replying and when he followed me on twitter I just blocked him) He isn't an alcoholic - just a knob head!! He would buy my Mum alcohol and wind her up and always sy have another one when she was trying to quit.

I understand it isn't personal, she wished my Sister a happy new year and not me (I am the one in disgrace as I'm the one who caught her drunk) and she calls my sister and not me, it is hard not to feel like I'm the one in the wrong, she said last time I caught her, if only you hadn't caught me then none of this would be happening. like its my fault!! It does get to you. My dad said to me that it was my fault they were splitting up and that my Mum wanted to drink because I suffered from depression as a teenager quite badly and now I feel guilty about everything!!

It's just so hurtful and frustrating and it keeps going round and round!!!

I just want someone to say everything is going to be alright and oneday I'll have my Mum back, but truth is she will always be like this and I'll just have to get used to it, at least until she has a stroke or ends up in hospital.

Tuffgirl

I can only imagine how you must feel. Have you tried Al-Anon or read any books about alcoholism?

It is a crazy making situation...but everything can be alright with you even if it isn't with your Mom. That's your choice and where your power lies. Your Mom is sick, but you have a chance to turn the focus back to you and have a great life!

serenity001

Chimmy!!! Big hugs for you!!!! I feel your pain and know it all to well!! I am so sorry, as I know this can make you feel crazy!!! BUT YOU ARE NOT!!! Find as much help as you can, if you cant get to an Alanon meeting, keep coming here, Jounaling, Therapy, the most important thing is "TAKE CARE OF YOU" whatever it takes to keep your sanity! We cannot fix the A and what you are doing by not being around when your A mother is drinking is a great step!!

I wish you innerpeace!

Willybluedog

Chimmy, so sorry you had to come back but I am glad you chose to share with us.

I am in a very similar situation, I have really had to work hard to get myself out of hating my mother for her drinking and destroying, and my dad for his enabling.

I am always in trouble because I push back, I don't just accept their version of reality, i wish I had some advice, all I can say is if you need someone to talk to, vent at, need a shoulder to lean on then I will be here.

Big hugs to you, hang in there.

Bill

Chimmy

Thank you everyone.

Is it normal to drink for a bit, then stop for a while? When I lived at home it was a constant every day drinking, and somehow that seemed easier to deal with than this on and off!