useyourwords

went away from the holiday with minimal computer access, and have been pretty sick, so i have been mia lately. wanted to check in and say hi, and that i hope everyone made it through the holidays.

saw my sister for christmas and it was the first holiday she has been sober since we were teenagers. i was so grateful for our couple days together. thinking about the countless holidays full of nothing but pain and addiction, it seemed a bit surreal. had to keep myself in check and in the moment - appreciating the day and not worrying about her recovery, thinking about the possibility of her relapsing, etc. but all in all i did pretty well being grateful for the time we had . . . one day at a time . . .

my thoughts were going out to the many who i know were likely struggling through the pain of a holiday of empty seats at the table, or chaos, or lies, or any of the other things that fill so many of our holidays. missed the support and kind words of people here. . .

quetzal

Thank you useyourwords ...This holiday was so hard for me. It's the first that I've experienced with my alcoholic (now X) boyfriend. A few weeks before x-mas we had a tree decorating night where he decided to binge and put a few holes in my walls. He and I broke it off and I am missing him so very much. This was the worse X-mas and New Years that I have ever experienced. I love him but I know that there is nothing I can do but let go in love. When you stated your awareness that so many would be hurting during the season, it really made me realize that this is such a real problem. Before I met this man I had never felt so affected by anyone... This really sent me down a rabbit hole that I find myself not having the strength to pull out of.... I know in time I will be better

useyourwords

It is amazing how the holidays heighten pain so much . . . I am so sorry it has been so difficult. There is no doubt in my mind you will be so much better in the end, but I know that doesn't change the pain of the moment. Letting go in love takes so much courage and strength -- good for you!!!! I hope you are finding support here. Like any loss to grieve, it does get easier with time. Somehow we all seem to find strength we never knew we had to pull out of holes we never could have imagined we'd be in. Stay strong. You are not at all alone . . . Sending strength and peace your way!!!

quetzal

Thank you today was hard and I know that as time passes it will get better. I hope I can see past beyond the love I have for him and keep my distance. After all of that I am so afraid and am realizing how much I don't trust him. I think he will only continue to hurt the ones closest to him.