nickm

Friday night for me started off to what I hoped would be just a low key evening with a few old friends that are not part of my normal social scene(Drinking). After hanging out for a few hours I ended up at another friends house. A 12 pack and half a bottle of scotch later the last memory I had was sitting on the couch listening to music. I woke up the next afternoon 2 P.M. drunk as can be with only a few flashes of which I believe was a fist fight with my good friend. I know that we probably fought because I was saying inappropriate things about a number of topics(I tend to always do this), but lately I always get violent. After the fight was confirmed from another source I have spent almost all of this time disgusted with myself and who I am. I am the only person I know who is this way when they drink. I want to change but I feel like nobody will ever forgive me or understand that I may have an addiction or disease(they think its a pity party). After mentioning AA to my father he told me that I wasn't that kind of person and it would not be a help to me. I don't know what to do. I feel I have burned the last of my bridges I feel sick and alone.

Dee74

Reputations and relationships can be repaired Nick - but not until we step away from the behaviour that causes the problem in the first place.

I found there was always another bridge

It's your life & your problem - why not make your own mind up about what to do - check out AA, check SMART, check out Rational recovery - speak to counseelors, speak to Drs....

If you want to change - then change - find support and make the changes you need to make

D

endlesspatience

Hey, Nick. Well done for reaching out. We've certainly all experienced the madness that heavy drinking causes in relationships. If you want sobriety, take a look around to see the people who have achieved it and asked them what steps they took to get there. You'll be amazed I think how many people have overcome their addictions.

Sapling

What does he base this decision on?

instant

Alcohol can take us where we don't want to go. It's just the way it is.

I hope you can find a way forward for yourself.

I am now nearly 8 months and one of the things I like most is not getting into emotional tangles with myself over alcohol related stuff.

Fubarcdn

to SR Nick.

It is never too late to change others perception of you. In all likelihood the friends you have now will not be the group of friends you have 10 years from now.
If you continue doing what you are doing you will get the same results.
A lot of people quit drinking using a lot of different methods.
There is plenty of support here.
You can do it if you set your mind to it.
Good luck.

WantToHeal

^^^This.

Anna

I think one of the hardest things I had to learn at the beginning of recovery, was patience. I so desperately wanted people to understand that I had changed and I wouldn't be the obnoxious person anymore. But, I had to wait for people to see the changes in me.

Stay strong in your recovery and you will see people notice the changes in you.

eddie73

Hi there, this is a serious thing to have to cope with on top of addictive behavior. Once you start to get violent on top of black outs, there is no telling what you are capable of doing and no way of controlling it either. I would advice you to quit without hesitation. there is always an AA meeting in a large town or neighboring town. You have to find one. If AA doesnt suit u, there will have to be some other support out there that suits your needs,. The internet is not enough for staying sober. Good luck.

Josiegirl

I am new to this site, 15 days without a drink... but so far I find this site very helpful...
If your dad isn't being very supportive.. keep coming here! People are very caring and give good advice!

clancydog

Hi Nickm, so sorry to hear of what sounds like a truly awful night for you and the following days. There is just about nothing worse than regret and feeling helpless in changing the circumstances of something. I don't know you, but can 'hear' in your post the pain your feeling. You can't change what happened but I know you can change from today on and I have faith that you will. My prayers will be yours!

desertsong

I know those feelings well, as I think all of us do. You're not alone there. Clancy is right - you can't change what happened in the past, but you CAN change your future. In AA we learn that we aren't perfect and the thing is we aren't striving for perfection, just sobriety. If you want to check out AA, don't worry about what your father says. Many people's perceptions of AA are totally incorrect (mine used to be - I never thought I'd ever go to AA and hang out with "those" people). Find a meeting and just GO and see if it's for you.

Forgiveness of yourself FIRST is the most important thing. The people who care about you WILL forgive you. I verbally abused my husband and children soooo many times when I was drunk. It's amazing that they are still here and even more amazing that they have forgiven me. They know that that person wasn't the "real me," it was the "drunk me." Your true friends know that about you too.

Will be thinking of you and praying for you. You can do this.

ClosetAlchie

You have a few different issues here.

First, congrats to you for admitting that you have a problem. That is the first step, and it is a biggie. Many people in your position would take your dad's position (I know I did for a long time) thinking that 'AA is for 'other people''.

Now, I think it is a mistake to talk to your friends about recovery, especially right away. I have two friends I told, and only because they know that I'm a closet alchie (heh) and wanted to see me get help. If your friends claim you are having a 'pity party' then one of two things is happening - either they simply don't get it and think you're looking for attention, or they do in fact get it (and are perhaps alcoholics themselves) and don't want you to identify yourself as an alcoholic because it brings out a mirror and forces them to examine their own motivations and behavior. In either case, they aren't being helpful, so don't bring them into the loop until you're secure and well along in recovery (if at all.)

Your dad's issue is probably that he thinks of alcoholism as a character defect rather than a disease/predisposition (this long-held belief was once entertained by the great Bill W. before he learned better) and he sees it as his own failure that you are having trouble. The problem is that his ego is blinding him to the fact that his son is in need of help. Again, if he's not helping, take him out of the loop for now.

The most important thing is that you want help. Now you need to make the decision to go out and get some.

augustwest

your father doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. he's probably of that era that alcoholism is some sort of weakness or moral flaw. if you know you have a problem, want help, and think aa can help you, that's all that matters. and aa can help you. it saved my ass bigtime.

ovrock

You've made a wise choice joining up and posting here. You will certainly get the best advice and support here on SR. The more you read, the more you will realise that not only you are not alone, but you can change. Good luck on your attempt to turn around your life.

We are all in this together...

camedown

The thing with your dad stuck out to me too. I learned in rehab that we all have a fixed mental image of what an alcoholic is, usually a homeless, decrepit whino type person. When some people think of AA, normies mostly, that is the image of what an AA member is, but most of us know better than that, for we are AA members and we are not that image. I am an alcoholic, and a professional chef of 20+ years at a five star hotel. I have ran across AA members who make in the seven figure range, who are accomplished musicians and authors. This disease doesn't discriminate, at all. The people who go to AA are those who simply want to stop drinking. What they, and I, find there is so much more though. Check out a meeting, it would be a great first step in taking ownership of your sobriety. Best of luck!!!


camedown

augustwest

we just have to take responsibility for our own recovery. the father who thinks who aren't an alcoholic will soon want nothing to do with you if you continue drinking like that. really bad stuff is on the horizon when we drink like that.

eventually he will understand. or he won't. either way, we are the only ones that can take action to recover from our addiction.

artsoul

Hi nick -

We all have the same predisposition: once we take a drink, we can't predict where things will end up. We can have the best intentions and confidence that "this time" we won't let things get out of hand, and still wake up the next morning having done it "again." Like camedown said, it doesn't matter how intelligent or strong we are - a lot of us have been successful in the other areas of our lives - we just can't drink without going through h*ll.

I'm glad you're here - it takes courage to admit we have a problem. We're here for you!

Zebra1275

After mentioning AA to my father he told me that I wasn't that kind of person and it would not be a help to me.

Leave your father out of this.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, nick - you aren't alone as long as you come here & share what you're feeling. We've all been where you are right now - we get it.

It's unfortunate that your father made that comment - you're very vulnerable and needing support & encouragement, not negativity. My mother had a similar attitude. I think she felt - as ClosetAlchie said - that alcoholism is a character flaw & all that's needed is willpower to stop. I hope you'll make up your own mind about the best recovery method for you.

My life was completely off the tracks at the end of my drinking career. I never thought anything could be fixed, but most of it was. No matter how bad it seems now, the awful times will fade away & you'll begin to build a new life, filled with hope.