Alana1

I am sitting here looking at all the posts and feel inspired to carry on .
My question though is this , is it okay to feel resentment of other people getting on with their lifes , putting their feet up and partaking in a few drinks ? I am also on a very popular site (won't name ) , all my friends seem so normal right now .
I want to scream at them "why can't I be you ?
I know we all have our own battles and everyones s**t is their own (sorry not trying to offend ) but why do I feel so upset and angry I can't be like them? I know my mess is my fault but .....

Sorry just trying to process so many emotions right now .
I know I need to stay positive and I really am trying to be....

ovrock

It is normal. I am sure more than half of us here feel the same way....

Alana1

Envy.. green is not one of my better colours !!

Dee74

I think that a very normal human reaction Alana.

I dunno about you but I had a life that revolved around drinking. Taking that away, even tho my drinking nearly killed me, bought me something like grief.

Sometimes I think that grief manifested itself as anger and resentment at others for sure....

D

GirlFromCO

That's right. Can you turn envy into something more productive? I get feelings like that sometimes, especially when I'm looking at my facebook or something like that and everyone's posting about their amazing accomplishments and all the fun they're having. I have to remind myself that facebook is all about making yourself look good, lol. Anyway, when I feel like that I try to use that energy to do something worth posting about. Like, "how do you like them apples?" LOL. It's admittedly childish but I like it better than feeling jealous, and it actually motivates me to get off my butt sometimes. And maybe it inspires other people to get off theirs too

slackie

That's how I recently relapsed... the thinking of "dammit, why can't I drink like other people ". Resentment is a dangerous emotion, especially for alcoholics. But, I like to think of it as this...if I was allergic to peanuts, and I saw someone eating them, would I be as upset as I am about not drinking? Probably not, cause I'm not addicted to peanuts.

Alana1

Yes like it has destroyed everything I love and want to be but, it has left me with this deep alomost mourning feeling. Thank you . I am struggling to sum up exactly which emotion is foremost right now. I think you are right .
A.

timetotry1

my 2 cents,

I think my facebook page (I do not have one anymore) would probably be more interesting now than a true old version....

Monday : Went pub, had drinks
Tuesday : Went pub, had drinks
.......
Thursday : Went pub, had drinks
No Friday
Saturday : No idea where we ended up last night, was great fun.....:-)
etc...

And people always try to show themselves as having fun..........for example no one puts ' Got Smashed, was sick , had a big argument and feel rubbish today.....

Vigo

It sounds to me like you have convinced yourself that many (or perhaps all) of these people who are drinking are perfectly content and happy with their lives, as well as their relationship with alcohol. This simply isn't true.

I have this same problem with marijuana. I find myself thinking that everyone who smokes is carefree and totally comfortable with their use, no matter how extreme it is. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who had a problem with smoking weed. It's easy to forget that that's not true.

But, coming here always reminds me that I'm not the only one who has struggled.

40percentproof

No resentments are not ok, I try to ditch mine so they don't have any effects on me.

What is it about them that you feel so envious of, is it really that important.

NewxYork

I feel that same way when Im a month into recovery and im sitting at home on a Saturday night doing nothing while it feel the world is out partying it up. But I remind myself I was at those places, dressed nice, drunk, laughing having a good time but...memories and pictures only show the good.

I tend to easily forgot all the things I lost because of alcohol, how sick I felt, how the next morning only I was the one still pounding a drink because of my intense hangovers, try to remember the bad. When I do get jealous of others success or ability to talk about their achievements, I remind myself why Im still struggling to get to mine.

dorito281211

Excellent point! I know alot of people that drink, and I want to be them, but many of them drink as much as I used to, so, them realizing they have a problem is only a matter of time.
I find myself saying "why cant I drink like normal people?" but guess what? I am not normal, I dont want one or two beers...No, I want a case, or maybe a handle of whiskey and a few 2 litters of soda. Thats what I need, and that IS NOT NORMAL! LOL

eddie73

Good envy or bad envy. I think it is good to be envious to a point. It means that you would like the good things in life yourself again. But if you are envious in a bad way, it means that u have given up on them and wish that noone else could have them either. So I think some envy is a good thing.

Threshold

It's not for me to say whether it's OK to feel resentment, I mean, we feel what we feel. But I do know it is not productive to wallow in it.

Examining our feelings can give us information we can use. I can get myself all sorts of worked up over the laundry list of things I can't do in life. Or I can get myself all sorts of busy doing all the things I am capable of.

When we first get clean we still have tunnel vision, what is life without our DOC? We have forgotten there is a whole huge world out there, and a whole huge world inside us!

Yes, we mourn our old life, perfectly normal, but even as we mourn, we build a new life.

My addiction cost me a great deal more than just not being able to use anymore. I am grieving a lost home, relationships, belongings etc, and that is normal and real. But even so, I do have a life that is full of good things. My time is more enjoyable when I focus on and enjoy those things I have, rather than wallow in sorrow.

Please note I said WALLOW. Feeling anger, resentment, sadness, etc is fine, healthy, etc, it's the letting ourselves get stuck and stew there that becomes the problem.

Acknowledge your very valid feelings, then move on.

Hevyn

Hi Alana - glad you posted about this. I definitely think it's normal to be resentful in the beginning. I'd been drinking my whole life, so I was downright bitter. I think there's a grieving process for sure. I tended to only remember the good times, until I began to write down all the horrible things that had happened towards the end of my drinking career.

We go through many phases as we get well - the resentment & anger will subside. You'll begin to feel so thankful that you aren't one of those numbing themselves - you're living your life with eyes wide open, not in a fog. I think you're doing great.

Anna

I did feel that way for awhile in early recovery.

I know for certain that everyone has a 'story'. Everyone struggles with something. And, even the people who seem to you like they have it all together, don't. We are all human beings and we are all on a journey through this lifetime, and we all have our struggles.

Alana1

Thank you all for your words of advice and wisdom. Each one really has helped me see an even playing field (if that makes sense?)
Today is day 16 sober , and I am seeing a little more clearer today.
I won't let these emotions get the better of me today .
.A.

stepping

Keep it up A!!!!

justhadenough

I understand where you are coming from. I've always wished I could be a 'normal' drinker but now I just realize that I am not and never will be. I also look back (probably over analyzing!) and think are those people really really happy going out every/most nights drinking. are they just trying to cover up/block out their problems too.

I suppose it depends on how much your social life/friends revolved around alcohol. Since having my son I don't go out at night anymore (I was a wine drinker at home) but I know I would have found becoming sober much harder if I had still been in that circle.

Anyway keep strong and hope you have a good weekend.x

Fubarcdn

Last time I quit I felt those resentments early on. I would walk by the bar and they would come on. They went away after a few months .
I am on day 20 this time and I no longer feel those resentments so for me it is one of those things that time in healed.
Hang in there and I hope you will feel the same.