I'm at the very start and need help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
I'm at the very start and need help.
I've found this site very recently and have been reading it and all the advice in it. I want to stop drinking and I don't know how. I'm only 23 and feel like my life is over already because of alcohol. Despite knowing that I need to stop I can never keep it up for very long. I've told myself so many times that I will cut back or even give up entirely. It’s always today or tomorrow or next week or the new year. I have this image in my head of giving up and turning everything around and my life going from strength to strength. But I can’t do it. I sabotage myself and even when I think I’ve turned a corner and have abstained for a few days I just sink straight back into it. And that’s despite feeling better in myself and KNOWING that it’s better to not drink and being able to see small changes I still go back to it.
I’m so scared that this will still be me in ten or twenty years and I’ll wake up and realise I never managed to stop. I spend so much of my time drinking- there’s so much I want to do with myself and instead I stay inside in my room whenever possible drinking instead. I spend most nights staring out from my bed sitting at my laptop with a bottle in my hand. If I go out with friends I count the hours until I can go home and drink again. Work is just as bad. I hate myself when I'm doing it and don't even enjoy it. Every night is the same. I’m killing myself and I want to stop. I lost my boyfriend because I would just sit and watch the screen and drink and half listen to him whenever we were together. We used to go out to restaurants and the theatre and all the rest but eventually all I wanted to do was stay inside and sit with alcohol instead. I broke up with him so I could "do what I want with my life" but I know it was just because he was in the way of me and alcohol and I hated him judging me. I feel like I don't do anything anymore (which I don't). Any advice would be appreciated. Any tips to distract myself, mental or practical or anything else. I need to make this stick and to stop lying to myself. I didn't drink yesterday and I didn't today but I've done that so many times and then gone straight back to alcohol anyway.
Thank you for reading this.
I’m so scared that this will still be me in ten or twenty years and I’ll wake up and realise I never managed to stop. I spend so much of my time drinking- there’s so much I want to do with myself and instead I stay inside in my room whenever possible drinking instead. I spend most nights staring out from my bed sitting at my laptop with a bottle in my hand. If I go out with friends I count the hours until I can go home and drink again. Work is just as bad. I hate myself when I'm doing it and don't even enjoy it. Every night is the same. I’m killing myself and I want to stop. I lost my boyfriend because I would just sit and watch the screen and drink and half listen to him whenever we were together. We used to go out to restaurants and the theatre and all the rest but eventually all I wanted to do was stay inside and sit with alcohol instead. I broke up with him so I could "do what I want with my life" but I know it was just because he was in the way of me and alcohol and I hated him judging me. I feel like I don't do anything anymore (which I don't). Any advice would be appreciated. Any tips to distract myself, mental or practical or anything else. I need to make this stick and to stop lying to myself. I didn't drink yesterday and I didn't today but I've done that so many times and then gone straight back to alcohol anyway.
Thank you for reading this.
to SR.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
welcome tea for two...i have been where you are many times and most recently just a couple days ago. My withdrawals were so bad i went to the hospital where there began the real acceptance for me that I can't stop drinking alone. I am going to the dr this week and will finally listen to them about starting meds to help my anxiety or depression. Going to hit up AA too. I found that telling my closest friends and family have kept me in reality about my issue. Prior to this, nobody knew and I could go on pretending. Not so much anymore and I don't want to live feeling like I need to drink. I am so glad you found SR, there are many wonderful people here. Have you thought of what supports will get you throuh this?
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Welcome to SR! You will find much support here, any time you need it. You're off to a good start just by coming here and telling us your story.
And your story is the same as most of ours, so please don't feel like you're the only one who is living or has lived that nightmare. Alcoholism is a disease, and it's a disease you can't "control." But you CAN get sober and there are hundreds of examples of that here on this board. Keep reading other people's stories and be encouraged by them. Go to your doctor, be honest about your problem, and find out what he/she can do to help you. Call the AA hotline - they will have someone call you and talk to you, and they can get you to a meeting and help you get connected with other sober folks. There are lots of resources out there to help you if you truly want to give alcohol the boot forever.
Most of all .. don't give up hope. There is ALWAYS hope, especially for someone as young as yourself. The first and hardest step toward recovery is admitting that you have a problem and that you are powerless over alcohol. You have done that. Take the next step by seeking help. I wish you all the best. You can do this.
And your story is the same as most of ours, so please don't feel like you're the only one who is living or has lived that nightmare. Alcoholism is a disease, and it's a disease you can't "control." But you CAN get sober and there are hundreds of examples of that here on this board. Keep reading other people's stories and be encouraged by them. Go to your doctor, be honest about your problem, and find out what he/she can do to help you. Call the AA hotline - they will have someone call you and talk to you, and they can get you to a meeting and help you get connected with other sober folks. There are lots of resources out there to help you if you truly want to give alcohol the boot forever.
Most of all .. don't give up hope. There is ALWAYS hope, especially for someone as young as yourself. The first and hardest step toward recovery is admitting that you have a problem and that you are powerless over alcohol. You have done that. Take the next step by seeking help. I wish you all the best. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Hey you have taken a good step by posting! I know that feeling of withdrawing into the little drunky nest and shutting out life. There is an actual hollow spot on my couch where my drunk self sat in a daze for more nights than I can count.
I found that out-patient rehab was extremely helpful. I had quit many times, sometimes multiple times a day! That type of quitting was killing me.
I finally got a chemical dependency assessment through a free and confidential counselor at my work, and was referred to treatment. It scared the daylights out of me and I felt sick walking in, but it was the best thing that could have happened. I was the only self-referred in a group with all mandatories (people in trouble with the law or at work), and we all became friends and laughed and cried so much together, and I learned a ton.
There are many ways to get sober, and you'll see them all discussed on this board. I find listening to AA speakers very helpful too.
Whatever your plan, welcome to the board and I wish you the very best of health and joy to come!
I found that out-patient rehab was extremely helpful. I had quit many times, sometimes multiple times a day! That type of quitting was killing me.
I finally got a chemical dependency assessment through a free and confidential counselor at my work, and was referred to treatment. It scared the daylights out of me and I felt sick walking in, but it was the best thing that could have happened. I was the only self-referred in a group with all mandatories (people in trouble with the law or at work), and we all became friends and laughed and cried so much together, and I learned a ton.
There are many ways to get sober, and you'll see them all discussed on this board. I find listening to AA speakers very helpful too.
Whatever your plan, welcome to the board and I wish you the very best of health and joy to come!
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by Teafortwo 
Any advice would be appreciated. Any tips to distract myself, mental or practical or anything else. I need to make this stick and to stop lying to myself. I didn't drink yesterday and I didn't today but I've done that so many times and then gone straight back to alcohol anyway.
The first thing to do is to make a commitment not to drink, no matter what. Don't take the first drink, and you can't get drunk. This is basic. No one here is going to disagree on that point.
The second thing to do is to educate yourself about the different ways people use to help them keep that commitment. There are many.
This forum is one place to do exactly that. This is one of the few places you can find on the internet where people who use different recovery approaches talk about those approaches openly. I think you will be amazed at the variety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome teafortwo
Some great advice here already
As a first priority I always recommend people see their Dr - not everyone has problems, but detox can be rough for some of us. Best to be safe
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Some great advice here already
As a first priority I always recommend people see their Dr - not everyone has problems, but detox can be rough for some of us. Best to be safe
You'll find a lot of support here
D
40percentproof
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 7
When you reach the point that you have truly had enough then you will realise.
AA helped me but so did a caring wife and great support from people around me whom I totally opened up to.
I wish you well, keep away from a drink today, then deal with tomorrow
AA helped me but so did a caring wife and great support from people around me whom I totally opened up to.
I wish you well, keep away from a drink today, then deal with tomorrow
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Teafortwo - I don't have any specific suggestions, but want to say I commend you for coming here and telling your story. There's no way at 23 I would have ever taken a hard look at my drinking. Therefore, I kept on going for many more years - turning my life into a meaningless disaster.
This won't happen to you. You see what needs to be done. Be proud of yourself for getting it so early in life - you'll never have to crash & burn the way many of us did. Posting and reading here is a productive way to spend your free time. I hope you'll let us know how you're doing.
This won't happen to you. You see what needs to be done. Be proud of yourself for getting it so early in life - you'll never have to crash & burn the way many of us did. Posting and reading here is a productive way to spend your free time. I hope you'll let us know how you're doing.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi teafortwo and welcome!
I can relate...... When the evening came, all I wanted to do was drink and be left alone. I love being sober now, and this forum has been a huge part of that. Glad you're reading to get out of that vicious cycle!:bounce
I can relate...... When the evening came, all I wanted to do was drink and be left alone. I love being sober now, and this forum has been a huge part of that. Glad you're reading to get out of that vicious cycle!:bounce
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
You are not alone. Telling your story and reaching out is a huge step! As was mentioned above, read about the various programs people here use. Start making changes, and don't drink! There are many success stories here. It can be done. I promise.
God bless.
God bless.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 128
Hey Teafortwo!
I'm also a 23 year old female alcoholic. It's nice to know I'm not alone (at least in admitting it). When I was still keeping in touch with friends I would enjoy their company for a little while but my mind was always on when I could start drinking. My preference is to drink alone, however I feel the need to drink when around a boyfriend (I recently broke up with mine too). It is very embarrassing to let someone see me like this, obviously. I'm worried about myself too. I go through the same routine - I don't drink for a few days (sometimes even a week stretch) and then just slip back into it. I feel old and tired.
I've always found this forum to be very helpful though - I keep coming back to it even when I'm not feeling more resolved in staying sober (I quit for 4 months last year and felt fantastic). Good luck to you!
I'm also a 23 year old female alcoholic. It's nice to know I'm not alone (at least in admitting it). When I was still keeping in touch with friends I would enjoy their company for a little while but my mind was always on when I could start drinking. My preference is to drink alone, however I feel the need to drink when around a boyfriend (I recently broke up with mine too). It is very embarrassing to let someone see me like this, obviously. I'm worried about myself too. I go through the same routine - I don't drink for a few days (sometimes even a week stretch) and then just slip back into it. I feel old and tired.
I've always found this forum to be very helpful though - I keep coming back to it even when I'm not feeling more resolved in staying sober (I quit for 4 months last year and felt fantastic). Good luck to you!
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