Introductions & 90 day goal.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 8
Introductions & 90 day goal.
Good morning everyone!
I've lurked for a long time, and I wanted to take the opportunity to reach out and introduce myself. I read SR when I climb into bed before I fall asleep and I'm not a big posting person by nature, but I am here
I've had insomnia all my life (even as a 3 year old), so I used alcohol as a way to calm myself down and get to sleep starting about 16. I also found that it helped at parties to take away some of the anxiety. Later I started to use it to manage pain relief and for happiness. End result: I'm now early 30's with 10 years of daily consumption, averaging about a bottle a wine a day
My motivation for quitting: I recently found what I love to do in life, and it's tough to do and requires total involvement. Basically I can't do it and do alcohol. alcohol has to go.
I've also been ignoring the fact that I believe alcohol is causing a ton of brain damage. I get confused in my thoughts a lot, forget things that I shouldn't...I'm super foggy. I VERY MUCH hope that this is reversible with long term abstinence, and from comments this seems like it's the case. (My peer/work group are mensa types...and i used to too, so forgetting the name of my roommate is, well, again obvious that something is awry). Does anyone know if you have fog when you are drinking what to anticipate from PAWS (does it make confusion even worse if you're already affected?) Over the past few years, i've noticed that after the first drink, the fog would actually lift and my brain would really start to function more quickly again...anyone else experience this and know what might be causing that? It makes me think that all the neurons aren't dead and that there is hope
I decided to quit the first time the week of thanksgiving. It went well and I felt amazingly better every day...I got back so much more energy and focus. I don't recall experiencing any cravings or struggling too much. Then around 2 weeks I started to question whether or not I had an issue and alcohol seemed like a benign thing, so I had a drink and thus resumed the daily pattern. How easy it is to forget what it's like! I learned a big lesson.
I'm sober again as of 12/31. So far so good, although this time I don't feel amazingly better in such a short period like I did the first time (motivation for no more relapses). I can already feel the hint of loosing focus which can let the alcohol sneak back in, so I'm squashing that by giving myself a 90 day alcohol goal and making it 'public' here on SR so that I have some accountability. To clarify, I'm not planning on returning to drinking, but setting a bounded goal will help keep me focused.
I'm so thankful to be going through this journey of self-discovery with you all. Thanks for being here! I'm super excited to see what I can become and do without the alcohol holding myself back
I've lurked for a long time, and I wanted to take the opportunity to reach out and introduce myself. I read SR when I climb into bed before I fall asleep and I'm not a big posting person by nature, but I am here
I've had insomnia all my life (even as a 3 year old), so I used alcohol as a way to calm myself down and get to sleep starting about 16. I also found that it helped at parties to take away some of the anxiety. Later I started to use it to manage pain relief and for happiness. End result: I'm now early 30's with 10 years of daily consumption, averaging about a bottle a wine a day
My motivation for quitting: I recently found what I love to do in life, and it's tough to do and requires total involvement. Basically I can't do it and do alcohol. alcohol has to go.
I've also been ignoring the fact that I believe alcohol is causing a ton of brain damage. I get confused in my thoughts a lot, forget things that I shouldn't...I'm super foggy. I VERY MUCH hope that this is reversible with long term abstinence, and from comments this seems like it's the case. (My peer/work group are mensa types...and i used to too, so forgetting the name of my roommate is, well, again obvious that something is awry). Does anyone know if you have fog when you are drinking what to anticipate from PAWS (does it make confusion even worse if you're already affected?) Over the past few years, i've noticed that after the first drink, the fog would actually lift and my brain would really start to function more quickly again...anyone else experience this and know what might be causing that? It makes me think that all the neurons aren't dead and that there is hope
I decided to quit the first time the week of thanksgiving. It went well and I felt amazingly better every day...I got back so much more energy and focus. I don't recall experiencing any cravings or struggling too much. Then around 2 weeks I started to question whether or not I had an issue and alcohol seemed like a benign thing, so I had a drink and thus resumed the daily pattern. How easy it is to forget what it's like! I learned a big lesson.
I'm sober again as of 12/31. So far so good, although this time I don't feel amazingly better in such a short period like I did the first time (motivation for no more relapses). I can already feel the hint of loosing focus which can let the alcohol sneak back in, so I'm squashing that by giving myself a 90 day alcohol goal and making it 'public' here on SR so that I have some accountability. To clarify, I'm not planning on returning to drinking, but setting a bounded goal will help keep me focused.
I'm so thankful to be going through this journey of self-discovery with you all. Thanks for being here! I'm super excited to see what I can become and do without the alcohol holding myself back
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 156
Welcome, Calistoga!
I also am in the early stages of recovery and with no formal training there's not much I can offer you except my personal opinion that the ability to change is inside each one of us and if you can listen to the "real" you, and the "real" you truly wants this then eternal sobriety is possible.
I also am in the early stages of recovery and with no formal training there's not much I can offer you except my personal opinion that the ability to change is inside each one of us and if you can listen to the "real" you, and the "real" you truly wants this then eternal sobriety is possible.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome calistoga!
Congratulations on getting sober! I was a daily wine drinker at the end, too. The brain fog lasted for a couple weeks after I got sober, though it's probably a little different for everyone.
I was still noticing positive changes after a year sober, in every area of my life. So keep going and use the support here - it's a great place!
Congratulations on getting sober! I was a daily wine drinker at the end, too. The brain fog lasted for a couple weeks after I got sober, though it's probably a little different for everyone.
I was still noticing positive changes after a year sober, in every area of my life. So keep going and use the support here - it's a great place!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 8
hi everyone! thank you SO MUCH for your replies!!!!
just wanted to give a quick check in and say hello! things are going very well on this end
New discoveries/observations...
I feel like a bit of hypochondriac b/c i started noticing slight uncomfortable pain in the liver area after reading some posts here (but i'm also not in touch with my physical self much too, so I could have been ignoring it). I also noticed that if i drank too much diet soda I also became foggier at the end of the day. i read up on it...apparently some of the chemicals in diet coke turn into alcohol as part of the bodies processing (i forget the two types, but it's the second stage and i think it's 'ethanol'....the same kind that the body breaks booze into as well as a second stage that causes the hangover terrible feeling) and it is a neurotoxin.
So i've cut out the diet soda too (mostly), and by doing that the pain in the liver area subsided and my brain isn't as foggy...i strongly suspect that by cutting out the diet soda, my body is getting the opportunity to start to heal. While I have an absolutely no alcohol rule, i haven't placed that same restriction on diet soda so far b/c i feel more secure having that as an alternative in my backpocket. Increasingly, my mind is starting to lump the two as poisons when I see them, and I'm not comfortable with concept of having second stage alcohol in my system either.
Happy Story (and reminder why not drinking is awesome)
A few nights ago I was pulled over for speeding. One of the first things the officer asked me was 'have you been drinking.' I gave such a big smile (couldn't help myself), chuckled, and said 'no' very happily that the officer relaxed a bit and said 'yeah you don't seem like you've been' and let me off without a ticket! Not that I drove while intoxicated, but I had been coming home from a dinner party where before I would have had 2 glasses over the course of dinner/evening, and it was just so wonderful to be someone who doesn't drink AT ALL.
I am just so thankful that
1. I decided to get sober when I did and
2. that one moment just by itself completely outweighs all the challenges on the path to sobriety. It's a great reminder of why not drinking at all is my right path.
Sending everyone good thoughts and support on their journeys!!!!
just wanted to give a quick check in and say hello! things are going very well on this end
New discoveries/observations...
I feel like a bit of hypochondriac b/c i started noticing slight uncomfortable pain in the liver area after reading some posts here (but i'm also not in touch with my physical self much too, so I could have been ignoring it). I also noticed that if i drank too much diet soda I also became foggier at the end of the day. i read up on it...apparently some of the chemicals in diet coke turn into alcohol as part of the bodies processing (i forget the two types, but it's the second stage and i think it's 'ethanol'....the same kind that the body breaks booze into as well as a second stage that causes the hangover terrible feeling) and it is a neurotoxin.
So i've cut out the diet soda too (mostly), and by doing that the pain in the liver area subsided and my brain isn't as foggy...i strongly suspect that by cutting out the diet soda, my body is getting the opportunity to start to heal. While I have an absolutely no alcohol rule, i haven't placed that same restriction on diet soda so far b/c i feel more secure having that as an alternative in my backpocket. Increasingly, my mind is starting to lump the two as poisons when I see them, and I'm not comfortable with concept of having second stage alcohol in my system either.
Happy Story (and reminder why not drinking is awesome)
A few nights ago I was pulled over for speeding. One of the first things the officer asked me was 'have you been drinking.' I gave such a big smile (couldn't help myself), chuckled, and said 'no' very happily that the officer relaxed a bit and said 'yeah you don't seem like you've been' and let me off without a ticket! Not that I drove while intoxicated, but I had been coming home from a dinner party where before I would have had 2 glasses over the course of dinner/evening, and it was just so wonderful to be someone who doesn't drink AT ALL.
I am just so thankful that
1. I decided to get sober when I did and
2. that one moment just by itself completely outweighs all the challenges on the path to sobriety. It's a great reminder of why not drinking at all is my right path.
Sending everyone good thoughts and support on their journeys!!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Hello calistoga! You sound very positive, and really ready to do this. I drank all my life and never imagined I could lay it down. SR showed me the way - and I've never looked back since coming here. Congratulations on your decision to stop poisoning yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Welcome!! I can so relate to your post; it seems we have a lot in common. I'm in my early 30's and was slugging along in life, working at a job I wasn't incredibly into, wanting to do other things, but not finding the motivation, and just drinking away my misery.
With sobriety, everything is so much better!! I am more focused and motivated. I finally gave notice to my job and I am starting my own business. Like you said, it requires a clear head and my effort and concentration, so, I cannot drink and run my own business! But right now I am realizing that it's not just the drinking that had to go, but it's certain aspects of my personality... I never grew up and like to live like an immature spoiled child... I need a lot of self-discipline and unselfishness. I am hoping the step work can help me with this or else I will not realize my full potential even though I've stopped drinking.
And like you I fear I gave myself brain damage from drinking... I am usually very smart but now I find my brain really foggy and unable to come up with the right words, or using the wrong words, or just saying/doing silly things. I have actually noticed this more since I stopped drinking, but I think that may be because I am actually paying attention to myself/my surroundings, instead of being too drunk to notice or care! I too hope it gets better with time, and I am trying to eat healthy to combat it on all fronts.
Best wishes, you can do this!
With sobriety, everything is so much better!! I am more focused and motivated. I finally gave notice to my job and I am starting my own business. Like you said, it requires a clear head and my effort and concentration, so, I cannot drink and run my own business! But right now I am realizing that it's not just the drinking that had to go, but it's certain aspects of my personality... I never grew up and like to live like an immature spoiled child... I need a lot of self-discipline and unselfishness. I am hoping the step work can help me with this or else I will not realize my full potential even though I've stopped drinking.
And like you I fear I gave myself brain damage from drinking... I am usually very smart but now I find my brain really foggy and unable to come up with the right words, or using the wrong words, or just saying/doing silly things. I have actually noticed this more since I stopped drinking, but I think that may be because I am actually paying attention to myself/my surroundings, instead of being too drunk to notice or care! I too hope it gets better with time, and I am trying to eat healthy to combat it on all fronts.
Best wishes, you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: South
Posts: 16
I absolutely love your posts Cali! I have not had a drink for 30 days and have been doing the same "questioning" as to whether I actually have a problem. I don't want to go back to my same drinking pattern. I had a really tough day at the office today and would have normally stopped and bought a bottle of wine. I didn't, thank goodness. I know I can't do it, I don't even want to try drinking "normally". I know i'm not a normal drinker and havn't been for a really long time. Life is good as of now!
Thanks :-)
Thanks :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Great job Calistoga!!
There's almost a sick satisfaction of getting pulled over when you are no longer drinking. Especially when you have had a few DUIs like I have.
Keep up the good work!!
God bless.
There's almost a sick satisfaction of getting pulled over when you are no longer drinking. Especially when you have had a few DUIs like I have.
Keep up the good work!!
God bless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 8
I did it. I knew full well I was doing it and I just didn't care.
I relapsed. UH! I had my first real emotional meltdown since trying to stay sober. Looking back, I think it was my first real 'test' where rationality went out the window, and in the moment I just didn't care about anything else except quieting it all down.
Feeling a bit scared at the realization of just how hard this really is, and appreciative as well. I speak entirely for myself, but I don't believe that you can't just 'not drink' and have it be sustainable...it's the transformation, and that takes work and relentless dedication.
And yes, "having to want this more than anything" just became clear to me...it can't just be in your head...you have to feel that want deep down in your core. Even though I'm not a religious person, I can now empathize with the spiritual element that people bring into their recovery as spirituality encompasses the whole body and soul as a great tool.
I'm on Day 3 now. Just taking one day at a time. The next couple of weeks are going to be intensely critical as I'm in the home stretch for multiple items to come together, so it is going to be very challenging to not lose internal self-focus. I'm a little uneasy about that. I wish that I wasn't on Day 3 entering this period and had momentum, but happy that it's Day 3 and not 0. On the bright side, a big challenge is really just a big opportunity. I'm not so uneasy about a big opportunity
I relapsed. UH! I had my first real emotional meltdown since trying to stay sober. Looking back, I think it was my first real 'test' where rationality went out the window, and in the moment I just didn't care about anything else except quieting it all down.
Feeling a bit scared at the realization of just how hard this really is, and appreciative as well. I speak entirely for myself, but I don't believe that you can't just 'not drink' and have it be sustainable...it's the transformation, and that takes work and relentless dedication.
And yes, "having to want this more than anything" just became clear to me...it can't just be in your head...you have to feel that want deep down in your core. Even though I'm not a religious person, I can now empathize with the spiritual element that people bring into their recovery as spirituality encompasses the whole body and soul as a great tool.
I'm on Day 3 now. Just taking one day at a time. The next couple of weeks are going to be intensely critical as I'm in the home stretch for multiple items to come together, so it is going to be very challenging to not lose internal self-focus. I'm a little uneasy about that. I wish that I wasn't on Day 3 entering this period and had momentum, but happy that it's Day 3 and not 0. On the bright side, a big challenge is really just a big opportunity. I'm not so uneasy about a big opportunity
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by bostonluv 
It really is one day at a time. One day at a time. Perhaps not setting such a high goal would help your sobriety? Chew on it and be proud of yourself for getting up and trying again!
Good love, Inda
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
Welcome! I see a lot of myself in your post as well. I'm 30 have always struggled with anxiety and such. I also have relapsed in the not-so-distant past. I understand your struggle. Keep coming back and know that we're all rooting for you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Way to get back in the saddle.
It is tough, especially earler on. There is no way that I could just stop drinking, make no other changes in my life, and stay sober. I have tried that route countless times and failed miserably each and every time.
The spiritual element is the most important part of my sobriety. Not religious, but spiritual. Religion is about rules and regulations, spirituality is about a relationship with a Higher Power, which for me is God.
Everybody is different. Find something that works for you and pour yourself into it. It's a great ride.
God bless.
It is tough, especially earler on. There is no way that I could just stop drinking, make no other changes in my life, and stay sober. I have tried that route countless times and failed miserably each and every time.
The spiritual element is the most important part of my sobriety. Not religious, but spiritual. Religion is about rules and regulations, spirituality is about a relationship with a Higher Power, which for me is God.
Everybody is different. Find something that works for you and pour yourself into it. It's a great ride.
God bless.
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