TiredandSpent

So I'm moving on building a life that does not have my AS in it as I want him to be, am used to having him be, or how he could be and little things keep coming up.

Last night I was going through my list of recordings on the tv. My AS (because he did little but sleep and watch tv), had a whole list of recordings on the DVR and lots of programs set up. I erased them all to free up space.

It felt like I erased him.

It was a bad feeling.

Stupid little things that are such a surprise. Ambushes from nowhere.

ctg492

I understand. I said sadly last September to my husband about my AS, It felt as if he was just disappearing from us and himself.

outtolunch

Letting go of our hopeful fantasies is tough work.

Might you look at these " liittle thing" differently? These recorded programs are evidence of your own codependency and you are taking charge and wiping the slate clean, so you can move on. You have given your son a tremendeous gift; the dignity to experience the consequences of his choices.

He's 22 and quite capable of turning things around if he wants to do so. Or maybe he'll choose to keep on digging to deepen his bottom. His life. His choices. No reflection on you.

Kindeyes

I understand.

gentle hugs
ke

sojourner

Very insightful. You've freed up space on that TV for positive programs, uplifting programs, hope-filled programs. Your son still has a place in those programs - it is just that you are the one deciding what will occupy that memory on the TV - not his addiction.

TiredandSpent

And helpful friend number 2 pops up again. She's my middle son's girlfriend and her parents are good friends of mine, and she may end up my daughter in law, so I can't tell her to shut it up.

She said, did you see AS's facebook? (she's very shocked at AS and very sympathetic to me). I said no, and she told me a few days ago he'd written: "I have the worst parents in the world." She was shocked anyone would say that about their mother, especially as she likes me and thinks I was a good mother. She was indignant on my behalf.

I'm not hurt, I know he's in a mess and he's blaming me and the father he hasn't seen since 2004. Blaming anything except himself and his substances. Maybe lashing out hoping for a reaction. Maybe sending out public self pity feelers to see if anyone comes to rescue him.

I'm so looking forward to when I only think of him as often as I think of any other extended family member.

I do well, then set back. Nothing dramatic or devastating, just a step or two back, before plodding forward again.

tjp613

Only an immature little twit would post that on Facebook.

Remember: the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

Ann

Tell her to shut up.

Sorry, that just blurted out, but that was hurtful of her whether intended or not.

Again, "Talking about my son is too painful right now, thank you for understanding" should do the trick.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know the empty feeling you carry. But empty is better than filled with stuff like that stupid girl said.

Hugs from a mama who has been there.

ownedbypugs

Especially since she may be your daughter-in-law one day, right now she needs to learn what she should and shouldn't talk about with you regarding your son. I pray that your son gets into recovery and stops blaming everyone else, but, if he doesn't, you don't need a lifetime of hurtful comments, even if they are not intended to be hurtful.

If you've told her you don't need to know certain things, she should respect that.

You are right though, sometimes it is the littlelest thing. Right on my desk is a Christmas card to my son with a Walmart gift card, and he will get it when he gets out of jail. I know I should just move it, and Ii don't conciously keep it there, but, when I do notice it, I just think about how Christmas used to be.

TiredandSpent

I hear you, Pugs. The recordings I erased were the best part of my AS. They were South Park recordings and other mindless things. They were documentaries on physics, science and history. They were what he was without the addiction, what he could be, what he should be.

MsPINKAcres

((T & S))

prayers of healing for you!

I finally reached a point where I started tell others -

"it's just best for me to NOT hear what is going on with _______ right now. I know everyone wants to tell me, but for my own peace of mind, I just need a break so please unless it's a life or death issue, can we just not talk about __________ for a while. Thanks"

Just my e, s, & h,

PINK HUGS
Rita