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Dealing with Life WITHOUT alcohol...

Old 01-05-2012, 09:16 AM
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Dealing with Life WITHOUT alcohol...

I am reading Sober For Good - and I am reading the chapter where they talk about how to deal with life without drinking alcohol and dealing with things without the booze...
A lot of people in the book say that it takes them a year or so to finally begin to feel normal and enjoy life without booze...but they have been drinking for 10+ years...is it going to take that long for me to enjoy life after 2+ years? I know it's harder to quit the longer you drink...I can't help but find it a bit discouraging.
Yesterday I was SO SO SOOOOOO bored - isn't that so bizarre? Because when I drink I just can't really do anything except sit there and feel drunk so how the heck is that more exciting?!!
It's confusing.
How do you deal with life without booze?
How do you deal with boredom -- and I know that you can go out for walks and do this and that, but how long does that feeling last? The feeling of a "void"??
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Old 01-05-2012, 09:22 AM
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What were you doing that was boring?
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Old 01-05-2012, 09:26 AM
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Bayliss...No I don't this it bizarre.. I feel similar to you. The evenings are long (because I was usually out by 8:30). So, like you indicated, it is a period of adjustment. I think after a while you will get use to the change, however their will probably be times when you are bored. But that is life. We will have to learn to deal with it without numbing ourselves with alcohol.

I am starting to go to movies, and have started exercising in the evenings. The weekdays are not so bad, weekends are harder. Are there any hobbies you would like to explore? Is there a fitness facility close by you can use?

My thoughts for what they are worth.
Jim
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Old 01-05-2012, 09:45 AM
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I don't think it is that alcohol is more exciting, it is that you start to lose the concept of time... you ignore the time going by because it isn't important.. That's how I feel anyways..
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Old 01-05-2012, 09:56 AM
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Boy can I relate. I don't know how to deal with all this time. My routine until 7 days ago was to watch the clock and wait until my usual starting time of 8 pm. Rarely remembered anything past 10. I want to get out of this house, but I am still in a fog. Maybe I killed to many brain cells to ever be me again.
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:13 AM
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Bayliss and all. I was were you are at one time. I couldnt fathom doing anything without my beer. Hell I avoided stuff I use to like to do in the beginning of my recovery. I didnt think it would be as fun without the beer. Everything was boring. That was one of my downfalls everytime. I want to live a little. I finally figured out that I had wasted a lot of time over the years wanting to live a little(crappy excuse). The drinking had turned me into one of those zombies you see on tv. Aimlessly doing the same things over and over. Walking in circles and only envisioning my next beer.
After I quit it was hard. I didnt see the light. Then it hit me......I can do what ever the hell I want. I am not restricted to my old way of thinking. There are basically no boundaries within the legal limits of the law. Think of something that you have always wanted to do and set it into plan. Will it happen over night....Depends it you want to climb the Andes mountains or sleep on the beach or whatever. You are the only one holding yourself back. Anything is possible in sobriety. No more excuses for me. Gotta run. It is time to do some living.
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:45 AM
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dealing with boredom and free time was never a problem for me. i was thrilled with the possibilities when i got sober. i took up exercise, disc golf, cigars(lol), and my 12 step meetings and work kept me busy too. played new video games, went to movies, ball games, the beach, anything i could think of that might be fun.

the hardest thing for me was the dealing with life part. drugs and alcohol were my solution to everything. get mad? drink. get stressed? drink. get sad? drink. etc. etc...

learning how to navigate my emotions and the ups and down of life took some getting used to and a lot of talking with friends and practice.
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:10 PM
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I definitely agree that when I got mad, stressed, angry, emotional - whatever, I drank to numb those feelings. I don't know. I just did everything at night with booze. Watched movies, tv shows, always cooked with a glass of wine in hand, played video games. I wouldn't shut up and ramble on and on an on...and now without booze I sit there and stare at the tv and fight cravings and my boyfriend keeps asking me what's wrong and why I'm so quiet and it's because all I want is booze and I am anxious, annoyed and bored.
I know that eventually - with time - I will get back to normal. I mean, I remember before alcohol all the things that I did and was totally fine and enjoyed life. Now I feel like I will never get back to normal (like you Balerie) and that life will suck...
I really know that this isn't the case. This is just how I am feeling at the moment.
I just hate when it gets dark and I am just sitting there...I guess I really should just sit there with my feelings because as worse as I feel at the moment, I know it can get better...

Instead of sitting around at the house and doing nothing...I am going to try and start going to the gym next week right after dinner (since when 5pm rolls around, I get totally antsy) so this way I can make dinner, eat, get ready and hit the gym and get rid of my stress and anxiety that way...than by the time I get back home it will be too late to do anything and I will be too pooped from working out that I will just head off to bed....

Last night was just boring and there was a lot of anxiety there...
Do feelings like this get worse the longer you drink?
I was just curious what people went through when they drank for 2/10/20+ years...if the feelings of boredom get worse...
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:25 PM
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I drank for over 35 years. I don't think I was bored once since I quit. Maybe I am unique. I doubt it. Maybe my definition of boredom is different than yours. Frankly, I don't subscribe to the idea of boredom as a trigger for drinking.

As alcoholics we drank. For countless "reasons" I'm sure. But mainly because we were addicted to alcohol. Once we quit there is a feeling--part unresolved yearning, part ill-defined dissatisfaction, a restlessness because we want to drink and can't--that I think we mistakenly call boredom.

I hope you can resolve in your mind that you will have to deal with life without alcohol. Otherwise you are going to drag out this misery longer than is necessary.
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:29 PM
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I drank for 20 years, so the first period of learning to live sober was pretty rough.
It was like learning to walk again, you know?

The good news is though we're not babies LOL and I actually found the learning curve was pretty steep and quick...

It probably did take a year for me to feel inherently comfortable in my new life but thats not to say I always felt ill at ease, or that I couldn't function, or that I felt my new life was harder or worse than my old drinking one

as for boredom - yeh...I started off just doing the same kinds of things I'd do when I was drunk - but watching TV is pretty boring.

I eventually realised I can do whatever I want- I know we all have budgets and stuff but regardless - you're only really limited by your imagination bayliss....

think of all the things you'd like to try, or all the old activities and interests you've let slip due to drinking - and do them

D
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:31 PM
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Hi Bayliss,

This is a very important topic to bring up. Like a lot of others I only enjoyed activities if I was drinking. When I gave up I was really worried that there would be a gaping void in my life but to my surprise my life is so much more active and interesting without alcohol.
One thing I have learnt this past week you have to mix it up, I mean put variety in your life. It sounds like you haven't changed much around the witching hour . Gym sounds good, although personally I am not a gym person. With the gym also mix it up different kinds of classes.
This is a very important stage now in your sobriety, Bayliss you need to take action. Things will change if you change them, you now have so many choices because you are sober. Once you start to take action your thinking/feeling will change this is the great part.
I am over 7 months sober and as I look back I see I am changing, feelings that I semed to have no control over, the anger, depression are lifting and I think it is because the longer that I am sober and being proactive in my sobriety I am benefiting.

If I keep active in keeping and cherishing my sobriety I will be able to do the things I could only dream about, my drinking was stopping me from achieving.

Bayliss hang in there, don't ever give in to the AV, there is a solution.

Take Care
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