changemyway

I have been drinking for eleven years, it keeps getting progressively worse. I must have tried to quit over a hundred times now. I have really been trying since November, and manage up to four days before going back to my old ways. I want to go back to AA, drove to a meeting the other night and was very disappointed that the building was locked and dark. The schedule posted online must have changed. I want to find another meeting and try to go again today. I am torn between fighting and finding hope and the thought of just ending it all. I know that sounds dramatic but I can't stand myself anymore, I am pathetic. I have two young children and one I often can't manage to get off to school in the morning because I can't wake up and function. I don't know what to do anymore.

tellme1

changemyway, you CAN DO IT. If you can I would say go to meetings constantly - several a day if possible - to help you stay sober. Talk about your fears in those meetings, talk about not being able to get up for your kids - verbalizing those issues to a group can be super cathartic and really put you on the right track. I'm pulling for you. Make the CHOICE each day to stay sober.

doggonecarl

You are not pathetic. But it is easy to feel that way, trapped in an addiction, your thinking warped by alcohol. You said you've tried to quit a hundred times. What do you do now? You try a hundred and one times. You have two kids. They need you sober.

Getting to a meeting today, right now, in fact, sounds like a great idea.

soberjim

Changemyway...You joined in May...that was a start..You have posted here. Keep posting. Tellme1 gave you a lot of good advice.

It is hard. We are all struggling with this. Personally I'm like you taking it one day at a time. You know it is progressive. For your sake and the sake of your 2 young children take whatever steps you need to put this behind you. Don't let alcohol get in the way of the your relationship with your children and your own self esteem/self worth.

Keep postive and keep posting. You can get past this!

Jim

lushly

Change..... part of the diease is feeling worthless, and unable to be different. It is not a real view of life. Please get to a meeting. Listen and do what you are told to do there. If you are a female,a womens meeting is great, but they are all good. Love to you

SSIL75

I think a lot of us have the same experience. I feeling of exacerbation that we've been trying for 'years' to get a grip on our drinking while acknowledging that we didn't have a whole lot of gusto behind the efforts.

I used a little Rational Recovery/AVRT for my recovery.

Life is much better sober. I had to completely abandon the idea that I was giving up something good to get here though. That was my problem, in retrospect. Yes I wanted to not be an alcoholic anymore. But I had really pressing reservations. In my heart I thought sobriety would suck. It would be dull and boring. Worse, I would be dull and boring

Perhaps consider what beliefs you are harboring that are keeping you drunk.

augustwest

it took me five years of trying to get my first year of sobriety. you just have to keep trying. and try something different. doing the same things yield the same results.

changemyway

Thank you all so much. I feel like a weight has been lifted just by posting here about what I am going through. I think I am going to go ahead with going to the meeting again, maybe try yoga to feel healthy and keep my mind off things. I would like to get back to reading too. I was an English major in college and I love books. Just got a Nook during the holidays, so I plan on putting it to good use I will keep everyone posted on my progress. I can't wait to put the steps in motion towards being a better mother.

augustwest

this last around for me, which is at 2 years and counting, i immersed myself in the program, went to lots of meetings, started on the steps, got a home group that i'm active in, meditated every day, exercised every day, ate healthy food, read a lot, basically took care of myself inside and out.

honestly, i've never met a person who did all the things they could to nurture their physical, spiritual, and emotional lives fail. we've had our pitfalls, but any of us can do it with some help and the desire and willingness to change.

wellwisher

I have to agree with SSIL75 - when we change our thoughts, we change the outcome.

See if they have the book "Managing Thought" by Mary J. Lore available for your Nook.

You're getting some good advice here, and trust me, you can do this.

Duke10

Of course you can do this. I am in the same boat. Hard to even my butt to work. I attended my first AA meeting last night and will be going again tonight and tomorrow. NEVER give up!!

artsoul

Hi changemyway -

I think lushly made a good point - we think we're drinking because we're miserable, but it's the alcohol that creates that dark place in the first place. I can relate so much to your post - barely managing to get the kids off to school, dragging myself through the day until I could drink again and ready to burst into tears over any little thing. I was an emotional wreck, but scared to death to stop.

If we can do this, you can too. Just remember, you can't do it on your own. Reach out, like you're doing today and let others help you........take it an hour at a time if you have to. Things will get better - don't let your fear keep you down!

jocata

Change, this can be done. I've been in that dark place too where everything looks so hopeless and futile and it seems there is no way out. You took a positive step by posting your feelings here and it made you feel better. Now take another step, and another, and another. Baby steps if you have too. Those baby steps add up.

God bless.

Tigger41

You can do this - you really can. First see a doctor and work with your doc so you can get through detox as comfortable as possible. You want to do this and really have to for those beautiful kids. You know that -
You just need to quit - really just stop drinking. It gets easier (of course it would have to or none of us would be able to quit) - get past the first few days - then the first few weeks. Journal so you can look back and see how much easier it's gotten.

You CAN do this. Get help now.

Terri (Mom of 4 little ones) - you can do this.

Dee74

Welcome back changemyway

It took me 15 years of trying to finally 'get there' but I did.

Please don't lose hope - I truly believe that as long as we keep fighting we can never lose the fight

Maybe you can ring the local AA office and get an updated schedule?

and please keep posting here regularly - SR really helped me to turn my life around - I know we can help you do that too..there's a ton of support here

D

CaiHong

Welcome back Changemyway,

Can't add much to what has been said, it is the alcohol that is making you miserable. I just realized that several months ago. I am 7 months sober with the help of this forum and AA. You can do it, keep posting.

All the best
CaiHong