wino5

Although I know I shouldnt care what other people think, most people in my life know me as someone who would never say no to a drink. I dont want to draw attention to my drinking problem, i would just rather blend in and have others ignore what im drinking. I guess i want to feel prepared as to what i can say if it comes up and was wondering if anyone had any suggestions.
I will try and be the designated driver as much as i can so that i have a reason not to drink but I feel i need more..
any help is much appreciated

bealtaine

For me, I'll probably say I'm not drinking as I'm dieting or on a healthy new years mission. I realize that won't work for too long. I hope that by February/March, I'll be comfortable enough to say to close friends that I've stopped drinking because it wasn't working for me and for acquaintances that I'm still on a health kick.

GirlFromCO

Hi Wino

I was worried about people asking me why I wasn't drinking and then having to explain the situation... it never really came up. The explanation I came up with for that is that most people don't notice alcohol the way alcoholics do. If you feel uncomfortable, try having a glass of juice or soda with you so nobody notices. Chances are, they won't anyway

Imperium

I actually had to come clean to a friend of mine at lunch today - 4 days in, and he's not even a guy I regularly drink with. :-) He'd gone to run an errand with me, and there was beer for sale there. (Costco.) He was discussing some new favorite that I hadn't tried, and then that our local beer brewery was making rum now. Said we'd have to have some and suggested a date we could go out in the evening. Told him I'd given up drinking in 2012. He asked for how long. I said "well, hopefully... forever!". I think he was pretty shocked. He asked why, and I told him what I honestly think. I don't know if I have a drinking problem, or if I'm an alcoholic. I took the little online quiz (let's just say I didn't pass), and I thought deeply about all the questions for days, then for weeks. I just don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not. But I thought to myself, during all this... let's just assume alcohol isn't doing ANYTHING bad for me and that I'm not an addict at all. That said, is beer doing anything good for me? Does it make me healthier, happier, smarter, faster, a better dad, a better husband, a better employee? No, it does none of that. So given that I had more than a passing thought that I might be an alcoholic, AND that... giving it up would have zero negative consequences... it just seemed like a good idea. And I added that I didn't think that everyone should give it up, nor that I thought he should give it up. Then we had about 7 seconds of awkward silence, and then I changed the subject, and about 5 seconds into a new subject, all was forgotten.

I can't say I was dreading it, but it went pretty easy.

Pigtails

This is pretty much what I did. I said it was a health issue... most people who drink a lot/too much have had their health affected by alcohol, so this is usually a true "excuse." But for me, I got honest and admitted to my doctor how much I was drinking, and she told me to cut back or, even better, quit completely. I went for a sleep study for my sleep disorder and got a sleep study back in writing that recommended avoiding alcohol. So I had the perfect excuse but no one could believe I was actually not drinking. Nor, to my surprise, was anyone surprised that my doctors recommended that I stopped drinking! (Where is the "embarrassed" icon??)

Today I am at 59 days sober and I am more comfortable saying I just don't drink. I have explained some of my issues to my closest friends and family members, because it's been hard for me and I've had to be open and honest about my struggle or else I would give in, and, I can't risk that. Other people I used to drink with have just come to realize/accept I've stopped drinking, and still others I've met since I've stopped so they just assume I'm a non-drinker (which is really, really weird, but in a good way, considering that my prior identity was wrapped up in being a party girl!) Now, I should mention that before I was able to gain any significant sober time at all, I had to cut out or seriously withdrawal from my heavy drinking buddies/party "friends," but it turned out they weren't very good friends at all. Now I am building a life around friends who are either recovering alcoholics in AA, or friends who drink but understand that I have quit and are supportive or just don't care either way because they're not alcoholics so alcohol doesn't consume their thoughts/lifestyle like it used to do mine! And above all I just don't drink no matter what anyone else says/thinks, I focus on my own recovery and I have started to just not care at all what other people think. It is a much better way to live and I wish you the best in your journey.

Hooped

The very few times anyone has even noticed or asked me why I'm not drinking booze anymore I just reply that I find "It's just no fun anymore"

Most people seem too wrapped up with what they are doing to notice or care whats in my glass anyway (Pepsi)

DisplacedGRITS

I fail on my own but when I social situations I just act flippant and say, "well, I don't care for it anymore" kinda like it's a joke. Another good tactic is to turn the conversation back at them by asking about their job, life, kids, whatever. People love to talk about themselves!

wino5

Wow, very brave Imperium, Im glad it wasnt as bad as perhaps one might initially think it would be. I guess if no one respects honesty then they arent really people worth hanging around with or worrying about what they think. I shall take everyones advice and just drink non-alcoholic beverages as people probably wont be paying attention as much as i think they are anyway and if it does come up I can use the health kick excuse as there is truth in that !

Thanks ppl!!

ClosetAlchie

At least for me, I don't have to say anything. My friends are just so happy that I'm not making an ass of myself that they don't ask too many questions. Also they have a permanent DD (or so they think) so it's really not an issue lol.

Dee74

I really worried about this when I quit - alcohol was SO important to me, and SO central to my life that I assumed it was the same for everyone, LOL.

I felt I *owed* people an explanation - it was revelation to me to realise...I don't
All I have to say is 'no thanks'

For me in 98% of cases , it's been enough.

For most people it's not an all channels breaking news situation if I refuse a drink - it's not even worth discussing

The other 2% were old drinking buddies - and they knew why I quit, even if they didn't want to admit it.

D

llastchance8

If at all, I come across this situation, I would say, I am on certain medications which interact with alcohol and gives me severe reaction hence my doctor has advised to keep away from Alcohol for some time.. The question will most probably not come up , next time.

wino5

lol I think a lot of people i know will be happy im not making an idiot out of myself too :P Come to think of it, ive probably been questioned more about why i am drinking more than i will be about why im not.

Sapling

The friends I have...Don't ask...The ones that would ask...Aren't in my life anymore.

MentalLoop

Personally - I just say i drink too much, and had to stop. I think one of the issues we all have when faced with the question is that for some reason we think the response that we had to stop is actually a big deal. Think about it, is it really? Nobody forced you to quit, you are still standing, there is no drool or boogers on your face - what's the big deal. If they asked the question while you were sloppy, fallen down drunk, i can understand. But you are sober and asked. Another way to look at it, up until that question, you are standing there just as normal as the person sitting in front of you. Now they ask - are you any less normal looking?

I don't know, but to be honest, this is the least worry I have. In fact, with many of my friends when they say "why, you don't have a problem". My response is even more simple - Come on, have you ever seen me face a drink i didn't like, an occasion i didn't partake in, or a party where i wasn't the star? Ya, i had to quit! Seriously, what are they going to say after that, "no, we insist, have another drink"?

One last note - most of the people i drink with, well, drink too much. I'd say if anything, i have become a rock star...."he has the will power to stop". And while I KNOW THIS IS NOT ABOUT WILL POWER, it has only shown my strength to others. Wear the badge proud, you have made a change!

instant

I was at a social function recently and one guy asked me twice "why not" the second time he was set to pour me a beer. I took it as a sign of me being solid in my recover that I found his impropriety amusing. My standard reply is "no I'm right" I do not feel I owe anyone an explanation. It is working for me. A few friends have told me they are thinking of cutting down as well !! (at our age etc). There is no shame in not drinking, and most people really could not care less , if they even notice.

north

I found an answer that works for me. It's short, easy to deliver and truthful without having to include mention of alcoholism. I indicate that I decided to quit for the sake of my health. One of the biggest reasons were the hangovers which were killing me.

While it might not be the whole story, it's enough I think to satisfy most people.

FBL

Chances are it'll come up far less frequently than you think.

Gerbosko

I'm not shy about my sobriety. I don't see a reason for myself to beat around the bush or be dishonest about why I'm not drinking. I have not been asked about it directly from my friends or family, but I've told them my decision and they respect it.

Anna

I keep in mind that I owe nobody an explanation as to why I am drinking or not? It's an inappropriate question, in my opinion. I find if I remember that, I don't become defensive and start rhyming off excuses (lies) about why I am not drinking.

Tigger41

People cared less than I thought. But when someone pushed it I said "I sleep so much better when I'm not drinking it's just not worth it to me"

I've also said - just taking a break that's all. After awhile they'll catch on that the break will never end.