aeo1313

I recently started seeing a therapist because of my depression. I have suffered from depression and been treated for it off and on since my teen years. I also talked about how I have been taking vicodin a few times a week and about my weekend drunk binges. I have always been a binge drinker, and drink maybe 1 or 2 times a week. I tend to blackout and often make an ass of myself. I told my husband last night that my therapist thinks I have a problem and need to stop drinking. He said that was crazy. Hubby said you just can't handle your liquor. I said that is the same thing! He said I just need to drink slower, etc. I told him that if I could I would have been doing that alll along! I am pissed at my husband, confused by my therapist, and feel stuck in the middle. I don't know what to do. I do know that for days after a binge I feel guilty, depressed, horrible, etc. I am feeling very alone, and the one person who I thought I could talk to says I am fine and doesn't want to listen.

WantToHeal

I can relate. My wife and a few of my close friends don't completely believe that I have a problem. Despite the fact that I've taken most of my drunken rage and stupidity out on them. Weird huh?

But what matters most in this process is you. Do YOU believe you have a problem with alcohol? It's nice that you and your husband can talk about these issues, and he can be an inspiration to you in quitting, but he can not live your life for you.

I think you are on the right path of enlightenment and self-discovery. Why not see where it leads?

Oops, and above all else...WELCOME!

michelle01

It can be difficult for others to understand, they tend to look at the alcoholic and think why can't they just slow down or have fewer? Problem fixed. Unfortunately not that simple for those of us with the condition.

I think that also, family members and close ones can sometimes be in their own form of denial when someone they know has an addiction. Your recovery is your personal journey, that is what I chose to focus on.

Lost3000

I can relate too. I have to talk my husband into believing I have a problem. And like WantToHeal says, a lot of the problems between us has been because of my drinking! What that shows me is that, I've been leading a double life. He really has no idea how much I have been drinking and that's part of the whole problem. I shouldn't have to be a master at disguising what and how much I'm drinking. I realized that it's my problem, and with or without him, I need to take care of myself.

aeo1313

My husband sees alcoholics as daily drinkers who lose their jobs and can't handle life. I told him it doesn't always look like that, but he doesn't believe me. I told him he was just burying his head in the sand. I have done and said horrible things when drunk, and he has been around that...why would he want me to continue like that? I have never felt more alone.

Lost3000

aeo: Pick up some books that talk about high-functioning alcoholics. I talked about this earlier on another post - it's a personal struggle of mine. Because I'm not falling down, passing out on the ground, losing my job and home, some people say I don't have a problem. It's hard to convince others I have a problem. So I quit doing that. Only my husband and people on this forum know I have quit drinking. I'm not bothering to try to convince my family or friends. For them, I just say, oh I quit - too many calories, or I just say I quit - with no explanation. It was too tiring for me to explain so I decided I'd work on myself instead and reap those benefits.

Fubarcdn

Per4haps your husband doesn't want you to stop drinking totally because the time you spend together on the weekends involves both of you having a few drinks and he does not want to let that go.
I don't know if this is the case for you but it may be something to mull over.
Be true to yourself and do what is right for you.
Good luck.

Lost3000

For example, enter Stephen King: Famous Alcoholics: Stephen King on the Liar’s Disease

aeo1313

There are many times I can have 1 drink and therefore he says I am fine, that a problem drinker couldn't do that. What about the million other times I get wasted and wake up with bruises from falling, or go into the backyard naked, etc. What if my kids had seen that?? On thanksgiving I passed out at the table and everyone just laughs about it. Inside it wasn't very funny. My kids saw me passed out at a family dinner. Yikes. Yes, I can have 1 drink easily, but as soon as I feel buzzed I don't stop.

aeo1313

I think this is the deal--we love to go out and drink together. He can handle it, I become obnoxious.

Gerbosko

aeo - Your husband is not you. It's not what he thinks is the problem, it's what you think is the problem.

Fubarcdn

That makes things tough for everyone.
He probably thinks that it is worth putting up with some minor annoyances instead of losing his drinking buddy.
You are caught between a rock and a hard place but you have to do what your heart tells you is right for you and your children.
This is probably something you should discuss with your therapist.

DayTrader

A fair amount of ppl didn't think I had an alcoholic problem either. They'd tell me to tone it down...slow it down.....drink a little less......that's all I needed to do. Just goes to show, we alkies are great liars, we're great actors, great manipulators and we can convince ppl to think all sorts of erroneous things about us.

On the other hand, your hubby may have no idea what alcoholism is - hell, I HAD it and I didn't know what it was. lol

Your sobriety is NOT......I repeat......IS NOT contingent upon support from your husband. Sure, support is great....it FEELS wonderful.....but haven't you, like me, had support that didn't really do anything to solve the problem before?

I'm in AA. Lots of ppl in AA have spouses and/or kids who are in Alanon or alateen. For many though, their spouses don't do that stuff. (My sponsor, for example - his wife says, "It's YOUR problem....YOU go fix it.") Plenty of recovered alkies have an alcoholic spouse at home.....actively drinking....day in and day out. Then there are ppl like me who aren't married (anymore) and don't have a built in support person close to them at all times.

"Support" is a part of AA.......just a part, but a part none the less. One alcoholic, working with another...helping his/her fellow man/woman.

Reality is that MOST ppl will never really understand alcoholism. They have no need to and no desire to....and that's OK. I don't know all about paleontology for the same reasons - no need / no desire.

Alcoholics tend to be a self-centered bunch though. I know for most of us we want to drag everyone around us into our recovery. We think we need them to get involved in it, to learn about it, to help us.

From what I've experienced and what I've seen in others.....that's simply not a true need. It's maybe a want...but not a need. My recovery and that of millions of recovering/recovered alcoholics around the world is totally dependent upon the actions we, the alkies, take ourselves. And that's good news......you don't HAVE to depend upon another person to get/keep you sober. (you may, like me, need some help, some direction and some additional power.......and that's an area AA can help).

Terminally Unique

Unless you want to keep feeling like that, I'd say that you actually do know what to do.

sadsoul2011

Welcome! You're not alone - you've now joined the SR family and it's awesome!! Continue to post here and you'll receive wonderful support.

My husband doesn't seem to think that I need to quit drinking either. (*I do* - Believe me!) He still drinks and seems continually surprised when yet another week passes by and I don't drink. Maybe my DH is bummed that he is losing his drinking buddy? I don't really know. I do know that I need to be sober, so that is what I'm doing. In general, I don't discuss my sobriety with him (aside from an occassional comment about how great I feel these days) - I'm just sober now and our life continues on. When I need support for my sobriety or just to vent/discuss etc... I log onto SR.

Although....sometimes I think he is starting to *like* my being sober....I may not be a "fun" drinking partner anymore, but our family life is getting much better, even, serene etc... My depression is slowly lifting and my mood improving. When Mom is good - the whole house is good....so the saying goes LOL.

Best wishes to you on your journey. If you think you have a problem with alcohol then it is worth your time and trouble to quit for a while (at least 30 days - maybe more) and see how your life improves

Make sure to let us know how you're doing!

startle

Thats us mostly. A year ago my wife said she was gonna leave if I didn't quit drinking hard stuff. (she had already packed) that had never happened before. I talked her out of it promising I would get better. I can't. She doesn't think people who drink beer only are alcholholics. I don't care much for beer and usually it just makes me sleepy. I like to drink hard stuff. I haven't got better. I usually do my serious drinking out of sight late at night on weekends only. She can live with it but you never know at a party where I might go. I realise I need to quit for my own sake. I feel like I'm wasting a wonderful gift (healthy life) being enslaved. I want to experience that wonderful freedom like I did in 03 when I quit smoking.
Everyone seems to think see a doctor, not sure why. I would love to get some valium or something to get me thru the weekends but theres not a doctor left in this county who will give me anything that can be abused as through the years she has let them know what I do with pills. I have schedualed an appointment with a therapist to help me make a plan. This is all so frustrating cause I know after all the blah blah blah its gonna come down to me gritting my teeth and just not doing it. When I was 45 I tried real hard to quit smoking, thats when I found out how addicted I was. So I reset me goal to stop when I was fifty hoping to taper down and make it easy. I did just the opposite. My 49 year I smoked as much as was humanly possible. I did quit though. Just thinking about stopping drinking is doing the same thing to me. I never drink during the week but have been hitting the bottle daily since making the appointment. I ramble to much.

aeo1313

Perfect post for me. Thank you. I am just not going to talk about it with him and stop drinking. I realized that in the past year I plan my weekends around my hangovers. That sucks for me and my kids. Plus, I have gained 15 POUNDS this year from alcohol, drunk eating, and not working out due to hangovers.

munchkin05

Welcome to SR ae01313!!
Like all the others here said, you know you have a problem so do not let the others around you convince you that you don't.
Luckily enough, my hubby saw somewhat of how much I drank (I say somewhat because he didn't always fully see how much I drank. I hid a lot!) so now that I'm in recovery he is fully supporting me 100%.
Just keep coming here. It really helps!

sadsoul2011

Wow - I can so relate! I'm loving that I actually feel like doing fun activities with my kids and am able to go out at will; day or night. It is like a new life. I used to have such a hard time scheduling fun things around my hangovers and drinking - there wasn't much time left over..... Don't even get me going about being out of shape - Ugh! I have to remind myself - one step at a time...... And - slowly but surely I'm getting there.

Make sure to keep coming back to SR to visit your sober friends

Best wishes!! 2012 is going to be a great year for you!!

ovrock

aeo, the most important thing is WHAT DO YOU THINK!!!