ryanriley

What else do you do??? I go t aa 3-4 times a week, have found really no new friends to hang with,,, im getting divorced and although I love my children they are 7 and 9,, I need adult interaction.. A date?? What the heck do I do?? I am going stir crazy. And I really dont feel like painting rooms or picking up hobby like model building... Cmon,, evryone has had to be in this situation. Any ideas???? Thanks

Elisabeth888

Do you go a little early to meetings and hang around afterward? It takes a while, but you will meet friends there.

Also, have you considered getting a sponsor?

ryanriley

I have a sponsor,, great guy has saved my life,, he is 61,,, Im 40 ,,, Im lost,, go early most times but Im just not clicking yet,, Im lost.. Its like Im searching for a whole new life instantly.. Which I know I cant do

WantToHeal

Besides your family, what is your true passion in life? Besides my wife, mine is working on cars. I realize you may not want to take up a new hobby, but what about a current or long-dormant one?

My opinion, we all need to figure out what our true passions are, and engage them productively, in order to be more complete people.

ryanriley

My whole ex passions were working and drinking,,, I lost my job I loved due to drinking, now I have a new job I dont like and am not passionate about,, but I am grateful to have one. I need like 3 or 4 sober friends to hang with or I will go back to drinking,, I know it

Mark75

Hey Ryan...

If you want more and more in depth AA responses, let me suggest posting in the 12 step section. More AA's hang there.



Are you working in the steps? Do you have a sponsor?

1undone

I find it interesting to read autobiographies about people who have been through addiction. There are so many out there and I learn a lot from them. I know that's not hanging out with someone but I feel like I'm getting to know all kinds of people.

How long have you been going to meetings? Do you switch up the places you attend? Also, do you go to extra curricular activities organized by your AA Group? Sometimes there are web sites having to do with your AA Group that you are unaware of. Your sponser should be helping you out with this. Is your sponsor an introvert?

I don't think you need to start putting together puzzels or painting car models just yet. LOL Have you opened up about this in a meeting? If you haven't it's time. Just come out and say it, "hey listen, if I don't find some sober friends to hang out with I think I might go back to drinking." Believe me you will get what you are looking for.

Hang in there.

munchkin05

Maybe try out different things ryan? I know you said you don't really want to pick up a hobby but maybe you should look out for other things you might be interested in? Something that will bring you away from destructive habits like alcohol.

Tigger41

I think as you stay sober longer you may find that 7 and 9 year old very engaging. I'm 49 and my 10 year olds are kind of fun to hang out with now that I'm sober.

You might need to nurture that relationship - but really - you might find out you like your kids more than you thought.

Other than that - how about a gym? But you need to focus on where people aren't drinking - maybe a class at a community center/college?

Peter G

Meh, people are overrated. Seriously. Tell me, was there a day within your worst point of agony from alcoholism from which you said "I don't care if I'm the last bloke on the planet, I won't drink again."? Or something to that effect? Point is, don't con yourself into drinking because friends aren't forthcoming. IMO that thought process is just another plausible relapse scenario you've put on the back burner, cooking on low heat, waiting to simmer over.

Become a sober friend to yourself first Ryan, and watch how quickly you end up with the right folks near by, on call 24 - 7. That's what I did. Do things with yourself, for yourself only. What things? Who knows, but surely there's something hidden within the story of your life, something that you once thought "damn it'd be cool to do that/learn that/try that". Go way back in your past and find that something that you used to dream about longingly. Skydiving? Why the hell not? Rowing? Motorcycle mechanics? Guitar? Fusion drumming? Learn Japanese? How about MMA, or Airsoft? Boxing?

You don't need friends to get outside your own brain and find a muse. In fact, you don't need people around you at all in order to have fun amigo. They can make it easier sure, but they are wholly unnecessary to your enjoying life on your own terms. The only requirement is that casual foot-to-a$$ that your Higher Power can easily provide. Your inner passion is there Ryan. Booze may have buried it, granted, but it's there. You just have to remember what it is, or look for it. Dig around past the empty bottles and eventually you'll find it.

Personally speaking I've never found any real friends from pursuing or needing them for any purpose at all. All I found from approaching friendship that way was a whole lot of grief. My true friends, those that stuck around throughout all of my bull$h!t years of drinking, I met them all incidentally while in the process of pursuing the things I loved deep down. In other words, I found true friendship from NOT looking for it and NOT being concerned about it.

Do what you need to do for yourself, friends will come when they come. Your sobriety need not be contingent on finding friends or not, when the best friend you'll ever have is staring at you every morning when you brush your teeth.

Just my .02 pesos.

VolcomStone51

Hey, Ryan. I have been struggling with the same thing lately since I actually ended things with my girlfriend of two years last month. Since she was really my best friend, I found myself wondering where do I fit in all of this, and damn I'm lonely. It's not an easy situation by any means. I am still stuck in the loneliness aspect of things, but I chose to think about things/activities that I really liked to do in the past and then took some action to make them a reality. I signed up for piano lessons as I played for 10 years when I was younger, and I contacted the local ice rink and got on a hockey team. I am hoping that this helps me out as I have many freinds in AA but I choose to keep that life and my professional/personal life somewhat seperate. hockey starts this Sunday and Piano at the end of the month so I'm pretty excited.

Also, one more thing to think about that has really helped me lately when I am bored/lonely...I try to remind myself that the situation is only temporary and that I should just enjoy this time I have to get to know myself. There is still so much life left, it won't be like this forever. Soon your kids will get older and there will be much more responsibility there and most likely in your professional life as well. Just be careful about tricking yourself as binderdonedat had mentioned; don't fool yourself into believing that drinking will bring you friends and endless amounts of good looking girls....it doesn't happen. Good friends are truly hard to find, but I'm sure that each of us will find some as we address our drinking issues as this is a priority in our lives. Best of Luck!!

Anna

Maybe you could spend more time with your children?

And how about volunteering? Do your kids play sports - if so, how about coaching? I met some great people helping with Scouts and Brownies.

langkah

Sign into an adult night school program to do your Ground School for a private pilot license test...books and the tools needed are available used, and the class fee is a deal compared to what you'd pay at your local airport Flight School.

You'll get to know about navigation, weather, radios, principles of flight, airport regulations, mapping, different pilotage techniques, flight rules...it's all cool and useful stuff.

You'd sink about 150 on it, about what a disabling drunk would run you.

Also keep an ear out for AA weekend conventions in your area, AA campouts when the weather gets better, and spiritual retreats of different lengths, any popular circuit speakers coming to town and the AA Superbowl parties are coming around again.

With a bit of effort you'll realize the boring times are behind you. Chances are excellent you'll come out of your first year sober with a few good lifelong friends, and add a few with each year.

NYCDoglvr

I suggest checking out local activities on Meet Up

augustwest

i got a sponsor. i got a home group. i started doing things in my home group. got there early, helped set up, made coffee, cleaned up, whatever... i would hang around after meetings and go get coffee with my new friends.

I read the literature(big book, etc) every single day. I STARTED ON THE STEPS with my sponsor. i took up disc golf. i started exercising regularly. i read other books i'm interested in. i go to football and basketball games. the possibilities are endless without alcohol and drugs...

how much time do you have?

Mark75

hey august, you old wharf rat, nice to see ya!

augustwest

long time no see buddy! hope all is well.

StPeteGrad

Well Ryan - when I quit drinking I instantly lost all of my friends -my drinking buddies, my fishing buddies, my travel buddies, my project buddies. Why? Because at the root of it they were still drinking buddies.

My first couple of months in AA took me no where but sobertown - and that wasn't a very happenin' place. Same meetings, same place.

Finally, one night I just decided I needed a meeting and thought I'd venture out from my original hall. I instantly found a place I loved and people who I felt very good being around. That was just 9 months ago and I have a few fishing buddies that are actually good at fishing. I have a buddy with a pickup. I have friends with kids the same age as mine (also 6 and 9).

My life is full of friends once again. One thing I didn't find when I came to AA was a friend with a boat. So with the money I'm saving from not being a boozehound I bought a nice 19 1/2ft fishing boat! It needs quite a bit of work - but I enjoy tinkering in the garage, teaching my son.

All I can say - try a few more groups. The way I see it, there is 7 days in a week to try new groups. You probably found a bar you liked more than the others and it likely wasn't the first one you walked into either.

DayTrader

1. If you want advice on AA, meetings, or the steps, most of the AA folks here on SR can be found in the 12-Step section of the forum. I'd encourage you to ask that question in there as you'll get advice from a lot of ppl who have experience and success in AA: Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

2. You're probably finding out, just like I did, that going to meetings doesn't fix everything. And being honest, meetings weren't designed to be the solution in AA...they're just where members go to talk about the solution.

3. Finding a suitable replacement for the time we spent drinking......now that we're not drinking.....can be......um........a challenge. I was recently divorced when I got sober, I had lost my license so no driving anywhere, no kids and "she" got the dog. It was a looooooooooonely time, lemme tell ya. I'll gladly tell ya what I did and what worked for me but it probably won't interest you much...it's what interested me. lol. (shoot me a pvt message if you're really interested).

Itchy

Ryan,
Boredom is wanting to do something, anything, as long as you don’t have to actually do something to do it. I wrote that when I was feeling like you do in my early sobriety. I got over it. Sounds like you are trying to miss drinking too much and will relapse if you don't get it on by moving forward.

My suggestion was put well by another here. Make a bucket list. Then do it, one at a time.

You are saving a ton of money you used to spend on booze. Now I don't know what you might want but have denied your own dreams for so long that you knee jerk don't think you can.

What do you want because sober anything can be done, and you can safely drive to and from whatever?
Start something new. Take night classes in something you never though you could. Go out and sky dive after taking classes or scuba. Learn to bike and become competitive. Run. Recumbent bike. Restore vintage cars. Swim, attend concerts that you normally wouldn't.

Just think of your own. Things you dreamed of as a kid, but never thought you could, would, or deserved. I got news for ya bud. You not only deserve it, you already earned it. Guess what. You won't have to look for friends then. They will soon seek you out.