Advice Needed for Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 7
Advice Needed for Newbie
Hi all,
I'm hoping I can get some advice here with my issues.
I'm 31 years old and living a looooooong way from home and my support system. I have drank at least two bottles of wine every night for the past 2-3 years and I don't want to do it anymore. I'm functional - I go to work each day, I have a highly stressful job that I adore and I do a pretty good job at covering my problems up. However, I need and want to change.
I don't have many friends here, and those that I have are big drinkers. I honestly don't know how to go about quitting, so I'm hoping someone here can point me in the right direction. Is this something I just do myself and hope I'm strong enough, should I go to a doctor? I'm not against AA but I'm ridiculously nervous about going to a meeting. I'd love to have some insight from you guys on where I should start with this journey to sobriety.
Any advice would be more than welcome. And if I haven't given enough information, just ask me for anything else that you need to know.
Thanks, Fiona
I'm hoping I can get some advice here with my issues.
I'm 31 years old and living a looooooong way from home and my support system. I have drank at least two bottles of wine every night for the past 2-3 years and I don't want to do it anymore. I'm functional - I go to work each day, I have a highly stressful job that I adore and I do a pretty good job at covering my problems up. However, I need and want to change.
I don't have many friends here, and those that I have are big drinkers. I honestly don't know how to go about quitting, so I'm hoping someone here can point me in the right direction. Is this something I just do myself and hope I'm strong enough, should I go to a doctor? I'm not against AA but I'm ridiculously nervous about going to a meeting. I'd love to have some insight from you guys on where I should start with this journey to sobriety.
Any advice would be more than welcome. And if I haven't given enough information, just ask me for anything else that you need to know.
Thanks, Fiona
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi Fiona
I always recommend seeing a Dr - it's best to be safe and sure
As for support - you'll find a lot here - SR really helped me turn my life around
You'll also find a lot more ideas if you think you need some real life support too....
AA's the biggest recovery group but there are many more. Have a look through this link if you're interested:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
you'll also find information on Rational Recovery (AVRT) in our Secular Connections forum
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I always recommend seeing a Dr - it's best to be safe and sure
As for support - you'll find a lot here - SR really helped me turn my life around
You'll also find a lot more ideas if you think you need some real life support too....
AA's the biggest recovery group but there are many more. Have a look through this link if you're interested:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
you'll also find information on Rational Recovery (AVRT) in our Secular Connections forum
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Hi! I was drinking like you for a few years. Funny how you go from two glasses of wine to two bottles!
Initially I went to AA, I was so scared but what I did was say to myself - self, you go, park, look around you, if you feel okay get out of the car, look around, feel okay go into the building, still okay? Find the room, anxiety building (sweating lol), go in and sit. All throughout this process I was reminding myself that I could leave at any point and that no one was forcing me to go. I could also leave if it wasn't for me and I never had to go back if I didn't want too! All that over a meeting!!!!!
Well turns out AA has been good for me. It allowed me to meet other people that don't drink or struggle like I do. I now have a base of sober friends. I still hang out with work friends but I keep it at lunch or coffee. I put boundaries on those interactions because these people (not intentionally) were leading me to my demise.
Eventually you won't function, never thought it would happen to me but I started to call into work after drinking. And the mornings I woke still drunk we're awful!
I did end up telling my doctors and they were great! Apparently there are a lot of us out there with addictions!!! Lol. I find the more honest you are with those that can help you the better your chances are that you don't become debilitated from addiction.
welcome! I hope this helped a bit!
Initially I went to AA, I was so scared but what I did was say to myself - self, you go, park, look around you, if you feel okay get out of the car, look around, feel okay go into the building, still okay? Find the room, anxiety building (sweating lol), go in and sit. All throughout this process I was reminding myself that I could leave at any point and that no one was forcing me to go. I could also leave if it wasn't for me and I never had to go back if I didn't want too! All that over a meeting!!!!!
Well turns out AA has been good for me. It allowed me to meet other people that don't drink or struggle like I do. I now have a base of sober friends. I still hang out with work friends but I keep it at lunch or coffee. I put boundaries on those interactions because these people (not intentionally) were leading me to my demise.
Eventually you won't function, never thought it would happen to me but I started to call into work after drinking. And the mornings I woke still drunk we're awful!
I did end up telling my doctors and they were great! Apparently there are a lot of us out there with addictions!!! Lol. I find the more honest you are with those that can help you the better your chances are that you don't become debilitated from addiction.
welcome! I hope this helped a bit!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Welcome!
I'm pretty new myself, but some thoughts to consider as you start the journey to a new you.
1) Always a good idea to check with your doctor before quitting as withdrawals can be dangerous. I fought through them at home and survived but everyone's different.
2) Create a support system and make some new sober friends. I held on to the idea for the longest time that I could continue to hang out with my drinking buddies while trying to stay sober and it didn't work out so well. AA is a great way to meet new people and stay busy but if AA is not for you, logging onto this site everyday is a start.
3) Pay attention to what your body is telling you. The first week you feel like crap, even the second week isn't too great. Then you may feel a million times better than you have before but experience a lot of emotional swings. Your first urge might be to pick up a drink but now you'll need to find other ways to deal. At first, if I was having a rough day, I'd take a nap, exercise, listen to music, or go to a meeting. You'll start to figure out what activities work to deal with emotions besides drinking. It takes some experimenting and patience which was tough for me because I don't have a whole lot but once I figured out what worked it was a relief that I now have a healthy solution to my frustrations and other triggers.
Hope this helps...it's as far as I've gotten. Oh, also added in recovery reading and starting to work the steps. I'm sure there's so many other ways to "get started" but this is what has worked for me so far.
I'm pretty new myself, but some thoughts to consider as you start the journey to a new you.
1) Always a good idea to check with your doctor before quitting as withdrawals can be dangerous. I fought through them at home and survived but everyone's different.
2) Create a support system and make some new sober friends. I held on to the idea for the longest time that I could continue to hang out with my drinking buddies while trying to stay sober and it didn't work out so well. AA is a great way to meet new people and stay busy but if AA is not for you, logging onto this site everyday is a start.
3) Pay attention to what your body is telling you. The first week you feel like crap, even the second week isn't too great. Then you may feel a million times better than you have before but experience a lot of emotional swings. Your first urge might be to pick up a drink but now you'll need to find other ways to deal. At first, if I was having a rough day, I'd take a nap, exercise, listen to music, or go to a meeting. You'll start to figure out what activities work to deal with emotions besides drinking. It takes some experimenting and patience which was tough for me because I don't have a whole lot but once I figured out what worked it was a relief that I now have a healthy solution to my frustrations and other triggers.
Hope this helps...it's as far as I've gotten. Oh, also added in recovery reading and starting to work the steps. I'm sure there's so many other ways to "get started" but this is what has worked for me so far.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 7
Thanks for the responses. Wow, I'm impressed to get some so quickly.
I'm not even registered with a doctor here, but will look into getting an appointment somewhere tomorrow.
I feel like I need to be accountable to someone, which is hard when I live alone in a foreign country. I was at home over Christmas and happily didn't drink on a couple of nights, simply because I had company, didn't want anyone to notice I was drinking a lot etc. But here, in my apartment, I feel like nobody knows the difference.
I'm just unsure which way to turn.
I'm not even registered with a doctor here, but will look into getting an appointment somewhere tomorrow.
I feel like I need to be accountable to someone, which is hard when I live alone in a foreign country. I was at home over Christmas and happily didn't drink on a couple of nights, simply because I had company, didn't want anyone to notice I was drinking a lot etc. But here, in my apartment, I feel like nobody knows the difference.
I'm just unsure which way to turn.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Call AA or hit up the website......find a local meeting......go to meeting.....when they ask for newcomers to raise their hand, raise your hand and tell them you're desperate to stop drinking and that you were told you would be taught how to get (cuz I'm telling you now - lol) this "spiritual awakening" deal that would revolutionize your whole life - the one that's guaranteed from working the steps......and tell em you're here to get it. Do that, hook up with someone who's been through the work and has had their entire life changed for the better, listen to the directions of the program and listen to your sponsor....... it's a very simple deal.......and it'll be probably the best thing you've ever done with your life.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome bealtain -
Seeing a doctor is a great start. Be sure to be totally honest so that they can give you help with detox. They may also be able to help you with other resources like local support groups.
I'm sure how it works where you are, but AA here often has a local phone number you can call. It helps to talk to someone who's familiar with everything and they may even set up a situation where someone can meet you in front of the building and sit with you the first time.
You're making a great decision!
Seeing a doctor is a great start. Be sure to be totally honest so that they can give you help with detox. They may also be able to help you with other resources like local support groups.
I'm sure how it works where you are, but AA here often has a local phone number you can call. It helps to talk to someone who's familiar with everything and they may even set up a situation where someone can meet you in front of the building and sit with you the first time.
You're making a great decision!
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I agree with seeing the doctor. I did, and he gave me a short course of meds that really helped with the early withdrawal symptoms (shakes, sweats, anxiety, dry heaves, etc.). Be totally honest about how much you've been drinking so that he/she will know what to give you that will be of most help to you.
As far as AA, it is working beautifully for me. I didn't just walk into a meeting "cold turkey" though. I called the AA hotline and they had someone call me. We had a very long talk on the phone and then the next day, she came and got me and went with me to my first meeting. It helped a lot to go with someone I had already made a connection with, otherwise I would have felt very alone and nervous going in there by myself. She introduced me to people and everyone was very warm and welcoming. She actually goes to a different meeting than I do, but she made a special trip to that meeting for me that day to help get me started and help me get connected to other people. Now I know people there and I'm very comfortable when I go to a meeting. At least try AA, and if it's not for you, there are lots of other resources out there. SR is also a great place to go for support.
Congratulations on your decision to get sober. You will never regret it and it will be the best gift you will ever give yourself.
As far as AA, it is working beautifully for me. I didn't just walk into a meeting "cold turkey" though. I called the AA hotline and they had someone call me. We had a very long talk on the phone and then the next day, she came and got me and went with me to my first meeting. It helped a lot to go with someone I had already made a connection with, otherwise I would have felt very alone and nervous going in there by myself. She introduced me to people and everyone was very warm and welcoming. She actually goes to a different meeting than I do, but she made a special trip to that meeting for me that day to help get me started and help me get connected to other people. Now I know people there and I'm very comfortable when I go to a meeting. At least try AA, and if it's not for you, there are lots of other resources out there. SR is also a great place to go for support.
Congratulations on your decision to get sober. You will never regret it and it will be the best gift you will ever give yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 7
Thanks everyone. I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm planning to research AA a bit more tonight. See if I can work up the courage to call them. Last night I passed out on the sofa having drank too much and woke up there at 2am. I cannot believe how stupid I am being and how little willpower I have.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Welcome,
I hope that you take a look around here and you'll see lots of people who are living happily without alcohol. There is lots of information and support here, so keep posting.
I hope that you take a look around here and you'll see lots of people who are living happily without alcohol. There is lots of information and support here, so keep posting.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 57
Hi Fiona,
Im new here too and when I was reading your post i felt like it was exactly my story. although I am not far away from supportive people in my life, i have been in the past and know how that feels. I am 31 year old female too and drink about the same. I went to the Doctors today to have my liver tested. I too am a bit uncomfortable about AA meetings although im sure i shouldnt be but I am just super shy in front of new people. The doctor today suggested someone i could see one on one instead for free, a counselor that specialises in Alcohol and drugs. Maybe your doctor too could give you some holistic support and suggestions like that
Im new here too and when I was reading your post i felt like it was exactly my story. although I am not far away from supportive people in my life, i have been in the past and know how that feels. I am 31 year old female too and drink about the same. I went to the Doctors today to have my liver tested. I too am a bit uncomfortable about AA meetings although im sure i shouldnt be but I am just super shy in front of new people. The doctor today suggested someone i could see one on one instead for free, a counselor that specialises in Alcohol and drugs. Maybe your doctor too could give you some holistic support and suggestions like that
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by wino5 
Hi Fiona,
Im new here too and when I was reading your post i felt like it was exactly my story. although I am not far away from supportive people in my life, i have been in the past and know how that feels. I am 31 year old female too and drink about the same. I went to the Doctors today to have my liver tested. I too am a bit uncomfortable about AA meetings although im sure i shouldnt be but I am just super shy in front of new people. The doctor today suggested someone i could see one on one instead for free, a counselor that specialises in Alcohol and drugs. Maybe your doctor too could give you some holistic support and suggestions like that
Im new here too and when I was reading your post i felt like it was exactly my story. although I am not far away from supportive people in my life, i have been in the past and know how that feels. I am 31 year old female too and drink about the same. I went to the Doctors today to have my liver tested. I too am a bit uncomfortable about AA meetings although im sure i shouldnt be but I am just super shy in front of new people. The doctor today suggested someone i could see one on one instead for free, a counselor that specialises in Alcohol and drugs. Maybe your doctor too could give you some holistic support and suggestions like that
Do you mind my asking what the liver test entailed? I'm really nervous about everything right now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 133
Bealtaine,
I'm pretty new at this myself. I am not the most outgoing social person and generally hate going into situations that involve groups of people who I don't know. So far I've been to 2 different AA meetings both of which I knew no one. It really is not that big of a deal. You don't have to speak if you don't want to. At my first meeting when I was asked if I wanted to speak I just introduced myself as a newbe and said "I don't really have anything to say at this time" and everyone was cool with that. Sitting in that parking lot for the first meeting I would have rather beat myself in the head with a hammer than go inside, but I went inside and it was no big deal. You should at least try it. It won't be that bad.
I'm pretty new at this myself. I am not the most outgoing social person and generally hate going into situations that involve groups of people who I don't know. So far I've been to 2 different AA meetings both of which I knew no one. It really is not that big of a deal. You don't have to speak if you don't want to. At my first meeting when I was asked if I wanted to speak I just introduced myself as a newbe and said "I don't really have anything to say at this time" and everyone was cool with that. Sitting in that parking lot for the first meeting I would have rather beat myself in the head with a hammer than go inside, but I went inside and it was no big deal. You should at least try it. It won't be that bad.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 57
Hey Bealtaine,
Its great that you called up and should be really proud of yourself.. like sugarbear said, perhaps the majority of people there are in the same boat. I get the impression too that if you dont want to expose yourself straight away then you dont have to and you could just sit in and see how the group runs and get comfortable first. It sounds as though you need supports like that too if you are far away from your usual support system. If you do go, let us know how it went
As for the test at the Doctors it was a blood test which didnt hurt and i am going to have an ultra sound soon. I am nervous too but i figure that whatever is going on physically is going to be happening whether i am aware or not, and the sooner I find out, the best approach to recovery can be taken. I was really embarrassed being honest to the doctor about how much i drank but she was very supportive and didnt judge in anyway. It felt good to simply share it with someone.
Its great that you called up and should be really proud of yourself.. like sugarbear said, perhaps the majority of people there are in the same boat. I get the impression too that if you dont want to expose yourself straight away then you dont have to and you could just sit in and see how the group runs and get comfortable first. It sounds as though you need supports like that too if you are far away from your usual support system. If you do go, let us know how it went
As for the test at the Doctors it was a blood test which didnt hurt and i am going to have an ultra sound soon. I am nervous too but i figure that whatever is going on physically is going to be happening whether i am aware or not, and the sooner I find out, the best approach to recovery can be taken. I was really embarrassed being honest to the doctor about how much i drank but she was very supportive and didnt judge in anyway. It felt good to simply share it with someone.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hi Bealtaine and welcome to SR!
Since you said you are researching AA I thought you may be interested in this link:
Your First AA Meeting<
That website helped me out a lot when I went to my first meeting.
Good luck!
Since you said you are researching AA I thought you may be interested in this link:
Your First AA Meeting<
That website helped me out a lot when I went to my first meeting.
Good luck!
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Oh, and btw I know what you mean about being nervous about going to a meeting. They can be a little intimidating if you've never been to one before, but I'm sure once you get there you'll realize that everyone is generally pretty nice and welcoming. Keep in mind that you aren't committing to anything by going to the meeting if you don't like it after you've gone once then try something else.
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