losteverything

Hi all...
Been on this site for quite a few years..I mostly came on due to a Crack Addiiction, which I have been done with now for about 4 years or more....I am back now because of a very bad alcohol problem. I decided to make 2012 substance free, and am working my way slowly through day 3. I had to take 2 weeks off work just to be sure I would have a detox meltdown. My main source of support is my live in girlfriend, and she is helping me right now with the whole gamut of detox symptoms. I have terrible shakes, night sweats, terrible dreams, no energy, vertigo, loss of balance, i guess everyone mostly knows the symtoms. I type 80 words a minutes, and I am pecking this out slowly with one finger...shameful. I honestly know this time I have to quit. I stopped drinking last year for 4 months, without any symptoms at all...this time around, I honestly believed I would die, it was so terrible. I know I wont survive a detox next time around. I love this site, and the support people give...well, I would appreciate some this time around, but am adamant to end my drinking career...it was lonely, miserable, and everyday, way too much, and I was being a real jerk in the end...thanks for reading.
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Dee74

Welcome back losteverything
I'm sure you'll find all the support you want here

D

ovrock

Welcome back. Congrats on your decision... Remember NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY... Sty strong!!!

Hevyn

Proud of you for making this big decision. It sounds like you're ready to reclaim your life. We know you can do it, and we're behind you all the way. Let us know how it's going for you.

Inca

Glad you're here and look forward to hearing more about your journey in 2012. Hang in there through the withdrawals. No fun but will get better soon.

Scolova

Hello losteverything, good to hear you are making the right choice. again. I would not wish the horror of detox on anyone, but it's something we must all do to get well. Such a vicious cycle if we allow it to continue.
Best wishes

Sparkydog

The best parts of your life are now in front of you, you have that to look forward to.

Anna

Welcome back!

I'm glad you're back in recovery again.

And, I do believe that each relapse is harder on us than the last. It's like a cumulative effect. But, know that you never have to go through this again.

losteverything

Hi all..thanks for the support so far. This is end of day four for me. Last night was so terrible, with massive shakes, heavy sweating, felt like my bones were being torn apart, couldn't sleep more than an hour at a time. Today, my girlfriend ran me around for errands, I could hardly put the numbers in the Pin Pad to pay for things, so I asked her to take me to the Doctor. I was brutally honest with him, and he talked to me like he wasn't surprised, gave me some advice, wrote me a 3 day prescription for Valium (benzodiazepine) and wants me back in the office in 3 days. My girlfriend was there, confirming what I said was completely true, we picked up the prescriiption, the Doctor even wrote my work a letter confirming I missed work for a legitimate medical condition. I then came home, and poured all the rest of the alcohol that was in the house down the drain. My lovely g/f cried out of happiness. .I was cautioned about the Valium, but I was on them for 2 weeks a few years ago for unrelated conditions, so although I will be cautious, I dont have real concerns about substituting one addiction for another. The really scary part was when My Doctor told me that Alcohol is considered one of the most dangerous drugs to withdraw from, if not the most dangerous..Why was I ever so stupid to become so engrossed with this substance, that it preoccupied every minute of every day. I am going to kick this, permanently. I just have to find how I will substitute the habit of drinking...I might have to attend AA to learn these skills, even though when i did attend meetings last year, i found them unfriendly and unhelpful. At least I have support of a completely sober person who loves me, and we talk openly and honestly...at least i dont have to go back to work until the 15th...the doctor said he could help make me at least functional by then....thanks everyone..I envy you long timers...

CaiHong

Welcome back Losteverything,

You will start to feel better. I use this forum and AA to stay sober. Don't give up too soon on AA because you felt that members were unfriendly towards you. Meetings can be very different, find one that you like. Your GF sounds a gem but the more support you can muster the better, especially from other alcoholics.

Take Care
All the best
CaiHong

Itchy

I hated my first AA meeting on several levels. I now know if I knew what I know now I would still not prefer that meeting for my home group, but I would have gotten something out of it.

Luckily the folks here advised me to try several other meetings and I found the perfect home group. I didn't sign on for life. I joined AA and just being able to talk without covering up exactly what I was and had done with others that accepted me for what I will be, not what I had been, was simply amazing. I just used AA and here for my first three months and am glad I did. Now I just use SR. But I do visit my friends at that meeting once every couple of months so they know I am still OK. Use everything you can and is at your disposal. You can always drop what does not work for you later. But you don't want to miss what might.

Hang in here and post often!

artsoul

I'm glad you saw the doctor - smart move! I hope you start to feel better soon.

I wondered about this, too (don't we all?!). At first, I just grabbed onto random things: TV, food, organizing stuff, looking up things about alcoholism, and of course SR. AA is great, too. There are a lot of resources out there, really, and it unfolds as you go along.

So many possibilities when we stay sober!

losteverything

today is the beginning of Day 5. I have an addictions therapy session, my first, in an hour, which I am completely terrified about going to. Funny, me being scared, I am 210, a big guy, all muscle, martial art skills, and I am shakey and anxious about sitting alone in a room with a small woman and talking about me. I will go. I am also afraid to contact my boss later, over the phone, to tell him I will need another week off next week, because that is the recommendation from my doctor, and at this time, I dont think my way of doing things has worked, and I need to follow orders. If I tell him the real reason, that I am alcoholic and need to completely detox, he might black list me for any further promotions, and its a small office, I am sure he will tell everyone else..i hate what the mess I made of my life, but I do know, I WILL NOT DRINK today....

camedown

It takes many alcoholics years to realize this. This is a crucial part of step one, if you can follow through, and submit yourself to the will of others, especialy your counselor and AA(cause I'm sure your counselor will tell you to go to AA), you should be able to create a solid basis for recovery. Good luck man!!!


camedown

losteverything

Sorry to keep posting so often...part of my addictive personality I guess. The therapy sessioon went well..she wants another next week, but referred me to our local Mental Health and Addictions Centre, which i then went to, another appointment next week. They also recommended me to see my real family practitioner, which i did go to, another appointment next week. Then I made that dreaded phone call to my Officer in Charge..Guess what? He said, go ahead, take the time you need, see you back here healthier, what a fantastic guy. I bought the book Under the Influence, and read about 6 chapters. Small steps. Last night was another very sweat filled night, just about an hour at a time then wake up, try to dry off, go back to sleep. I am looking forward to having this behind me. The Valium was supposed to be 4 a day, its 2pm now, and I have only had one, dont need another, at least yet....thanks for reading..

Itchy

Hey lost!
You aren't posting too much at all. I wish all the folks who start here kept up with at least the thread they started. Sounds terrific! I did it all too. No hiding out for me from whatever it took. Whatever it took I did like you , and I am sober a year and 4 months later in two weeks.

I don't count days or really anything much anymore about sobriety. I just am, sober. And will remain so by choice.

Itchy

Hey lost!
You aren't posting too much at all. I wish all the folks who start here kept up with at least the thread they started. Sounds terrific! I did it all too. No hiding out for me from whatever it took. Whatever it took I did like you , and I am sober a year and 4 months later in two weeks.

I don't count days or really anything much anymore about sobriety. I just am, sober. And will remain so by choice.

losteverything

I made it safely through day 5, and feeling better. My doctor phoned, however, and wants to see me tomorrow night, rather than on Monday. I awfulize, and dont know what this is about, again! Good night, all..on to day 6..hope I can sleep dry for a change, instead of sweaty sopping wet, I put all clean sheets and pillow cases on the bed...I used to love crawling into bed, when I was young. Now it seems so strange, going to bed sober, not all tanked up for a drunk slumber.

losteverything

by the way, itchy....thanks, and congratulations..This time next year, i hope to have a year and 5 days...=0)

jocata

Hey friend, great job! You are getting your life back. It is so much better sober. The first couple of weeks are tough, but you will feel better. Keep being honest, and stay strong.

I go to AA too. I had to find meetings that were good for me too. It may take a little searching, but you will find the ones where you fit in if you decide to go that route.

Best wishes and God bless.