I'm new here....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
I'm new here....
I'm so glad I've found somewhere like this!!
My brother is an alcoholic, he's only twenty seven and has been drinking for at least ten years. He is morbidly obese, has no self esteem and drinks pretty much every day. We've been told various things about depression and personality disorders but it ultimately all boils down to the alcohol. Any medication he's given is just completely useless when he drinks into an oblivion.
Over the years, he's been sectioned, in and out of hospital, he thinks nothing of dialling 999 and saying he's going to kill himself and then turn his phone off so we get the police breaking his door in. He lives alone.
We all thought recently he had stopped drinking, he's been almost the old person he was. But yesterday, everything changed.
My five year old was staying with my parents, my brother had arrived there the same night that she did for a meal and stayed over. I have no problem with this whatsoever. Yesterday morning, he took a shower, and "slipped" and fell banging his head. Our other brother found him lying on the bathroom floor groaning, he was incoherent and was pretending to be very confused, this was apparently obvious. He got up and went to lay down as his back was hurting. He then apparently vomitted. He spent most of the day in bed and then made his own way down the stairs so that our Dad could take him home.
I arrived at about 3.30pm, with my two younger children and my other brother immediately came and took my boys off me and took them to the den with his girlfriend.
I walked in and my alcoholic brother turned shouted at me to "f**k off" and swung his arms at me. I stood with my Mother and asked what was going on. He could barely string a sentence together, his words were jumbled, he was incoherent, he made no sense, he was visibly distressed and confused and was trying to hit anybody who went near him. Now I have seen him in several states and having episodes but never like this. I can normally handle him fine but it really upset me. I took a few minutes out and returned to the room, where it became obvious that it was all false. I later found out that he had also had a "fit", my Mother has medical training and said there is no way it was a fit and it was put on. He wouldn't get up, saying he was in agony with his back and could not move. So we called for an ambulance, the paramedics arrived and still he wouldn't get up, they could see that it was obviously not as painful as he was insisting, and eventually they managed to get him up and into the ambulance.
The paramedic spoke to me and said how it was obviously attention seeking but it could well be alcohol withdrawal. He was admitted to hospital and discharged today, I spoke to him earlier and he said he's fine and it was alcohol withdrawal.
Well if it was, why was it so obviously false? I fail to understand how it could be so put on. It was so wooden and unbelievable. Because as soon as those paramedics walked in, he could talk properly and was perfectly fine.
I'm at my wits end now and have said that he's not to be around my children ever again because he can not be trusted. My daughter was in the room when he had his "fit"
I may sound harsh but it's been three years and I know when he's bad and when it's pretend. But I have no idea how to help him. I know he has to want to help himself first but he claims that he does. I just don't know what is that best thing to do :-( x
My brother is an alcoholic, he's only twenty seven and has been drinking for at least ten years. He is morbidly obese, has no self esteem and drinks pretty much every day. We've been told various things about depression and personality disorders but it ultimately all boils down to the alcohol. Any medication he's given is just completely useless when he drinks into an oblivion.
Over the years, he's been sectioned, in and out of hospital, he thinks nothing of dialling 999 and saying he's going to kill himself and then turn his phone off so we get the police breaking his door in. He lives alone.
We all thought recently he had stopped drinking, he's been almost the old person he was. But yesterday, everything changed.
My five year old was staying with my parents, my brother had arrived there the same night that she did for a meal and stayed over. I have no problem with this whatsoever. Yesterday morning, he took a shower, and "slipped" and fell banging his head. Our other brother found him lying on the bathroom floor groaning, he was incoherent and was pretending to be very confused, this was apparently obvious. He got up and went to lay down as his back was hurting. He then apparently vomitted. He spent most of the day in bed and then made his own way down the stairs so that our Dad could take him home.
I arrived at about 3.30pm, with my two younger children and my other brother immediately came and took my boys off me and took them to the den with his girlfriend.
I walked in and my alcoholic brother turned shouted at me to "f**k off" and swung his arms at me. I stood with my Mother and asked what was going on. He could barely string a sentence together, his words were jumbled, he was incoherent, he made no sense, he was visibly distressed and confused and was trying to hit anybody who went near him. Now I have seen him in several states and having episodes but never like this. I can normally handle him fine but it really upset me. I took a few minutes out and returned to the room, where it became obvious that it was all false. I later found out that he had also had a "fit", my Mother has medical training and said there is no way it was a fit and it was put on. He wouldn't get up, saying he was in agony with his back and could not move. So we called for an ambulance, the paramedics arrived and still he wouldn't get up, they could see that it was obviously not as painful as he was insisting, and eventually they managed to get him up and into the ambulance.
The paramedic spoke to me and said how it was obviously attention seeking but it could well be alcohol withdrawal. He was admitted to hospital and discharged today, I spoke to him earlier and he said he's fine and it was alcohol withdrawal.
Well if it was, why was it so obviously false? I fail to understand how it could be so put on. It was so wooden and unbelievable. Because as soon as those paramedics walked in, he could talk properly and was perfectly fine.
I'm at my wits end now and have said that he's not to be around my children ever again because he can not be trusted. My daughter was in the room when he had his "fit"
I may sound harsh but it's been three years and I know when he's bad and when it's pretend. But I have no idea how to help him. I know he has to want to help himself first but he claims that he does. I just don't know what is that best thing to do :-( x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello strugglingsis, and pleased to "meet" you 
I am sorry to hear that your brother is putting you and your family thru so much hardship. Addiction to alcohol, or any other chemical, is a horrible disease that affects everybody that cares or loves the addict.
There is a lot you can do, but it is not what the things you would expect.
First, educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism. A good place to start is with the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum.
This post will get you started:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Take a little time to browse thru the posts in this forum, you will find a lot of wisdom and experience which you can apply to your situation.
Find a few meetings of Al-Anon that are close to you. They have a wonderful selection of books and pamphlets that are packed full of information and suggestions. Even if you don't like the meetings it's worth it just for the books.
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
As you do all of that you will have a number of questions, feel free to ask them here and we will all share our experience.
Welcome again
Mike
I am sorry to hear that your brother is putting you and your family thru so much hardship. Addiction to alcohol, or any other chemical, is a horrible disease that affects everybody that cares or loves the addict.
Originally Posted by strugglingsis 
...I just don't know what is that best thing to do ...
First, educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism. A good place to start is with the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum.
This post will get you started:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Take a little time to browse thru the posts in this forum, you will find a lot of wisdom and experience which you can apply to your situation.
Find a few meetings of Al-Anon that are close to you. They have a wonderful selection of books and pamphlets that are packed full of information and suggestions. Even if you don't like the meetings it's worth it just for the books.
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
As you do all of that you will have a number of questions, feel free to ask them here and we will all share our experience.
Welcome again
Mike
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home here by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand having a loved one that is addicted.
You can find some of our stories is the sticky posts at the top of this forum page. I am always finding wisdom from members that have walked the same path I am currently walking by reading those posts.
I think you are doing what is best for you and your children by removing yourselves from your brother's chaos. It is a hard decision, but it is healthy to remove toxic people from our lives. Our children depend on us to protect them.
Good on you!
Let us know how we can help you.
Please make yourself at home here by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand having a loved one that is addicted.
You can find some of our stories is the sticky posts at the top of this forum page. I am always finding wisdom from members that have walked the same path I am currently walking by reading those posts.
I think you are doing what is best for you and your children by removing yourselves from your brother's chaos. It is a hard decision, but it is healthy to remove toxic people from our lives. Our children depend on us to protect them.
Good on you!
Let us know how we can help you.
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