jocata

This post-acute syndrome really, really sucks. Anxiety, depression, rage, guilt, you name it. It is almost as bad as the acute withdrawals. I'll be going along just fine, them BAM, hits me like a sledge hammer.
I have been doing alot of reading about it, and I fit all of those symptoms to a tee. I know this will take some time for my body and brain to recover, but it is really hard right now.
My wife and I just got into a huge fight over the phone and I threw the phone against the wall, damaging said phone and wall. That makes about three phones I have damaged over the years, not including cell phones. I am a rageaholic as well. I feel like a total monster to my kids, my wife, everyone.
The slightest thing stresses me out, I can't hold a coherent thought for more than a minute, mind racing, not sleeping worth a crap. I can't hardly work which stresses my wife and me out even more. It's like a feedback cycle. My sponser doesn't understand it.
Thank God you guys are here. Just needed to get that out there.
God bless.

suki44883

Have you seen a doctor? If not, I highly recommend it. You need help, not just for paws, but for your rage issues. Your family is not safe around you until you get that under control.

Inca

That sounds frustrating. This might seem silly but have you tried meditating for 10 minutes a day or listening to some calming music? I've been snapping a lot lately too (also pretty new to this) and I'm trying to find ways to channel my newfound energy in healthy ways. If I could steer just some of my excess energy towards working out, for example, I'd be in the best shape of my life.

jocata

Thanks for the input. I just called my doctor but the offices are closed today. I'm going to try again tomorrow. Meditation is a great idea. I will try to start doing that. It's going to take awhile to get used to, my mind races so much. I normally don't have a big issue with my temper unless I am drinking or drugging. This is the first time I have snapped since I've been sober this time. I have never physically abused my children or my wife(Thank God), but it is very scary for them. It has to be phycological abuse for them. I am so sensitive right now to the slightest thing that would normally not even bother me. Thanks again.
God bless.

Anna

Please do whatever it takes to get help for your anger issues. Abuse like that is terribly difficult for children to deal with. I know that, because I lived through it, and I feel like I grew up in a war zone.

I'm glad you're planning to talk to your dr tomorrow.

Sapling

You mention your sponsor...Are you attending meetings?...Reading the Big Book???...Step work??...I found that a great way to put my new found energy to use...My first 3 months I was going to two to three meetings a day...I needed something to keep me grounded...And that worked. But I put my main focus on the 12 steps...That's where recovery is found.

jocata

I go to several meetings a week. That needs to be increased. Steps 1, 2, and 3 I have been working everyday. I do need to start on another 4th step, there are some resentments I am holding onto, plus things that I have done to others during my last druken period. I go to meetings where we read out of the Big Book and then discuss, but I honestly have not picked up my copy of it yet. I have been reading my Bible consistently, but I do realize I need to read the BB as well. Thanks Sapling.
God bless.

Sapling

Get busy man....Go to any lengths....Prayers are with you,

dawnrunner

I would just add that exercise, really strenuous exercise that tires you out, is very helpful at slowing down your mind and also working out anger.

Can you run, lift weights, jog/walk, ride a bike, anything to work up a sweat? It is like manna for a restless mind.

Itchy

Just read your profile, lawn care is down this time of year and Dawnrunner beat me to the punch.
Don't want the psychological abuse then stop it right now. Feel the urge drop and do ten push-ups. Doesn't work? Do twenty/50/ whatever it takes. Prefer running then run! Hop on a bicycle, stationary or equipped with 3D panoramic scenery. See your doc because you are panicking and having anxiety. When we get anxious and have panic attacks we tend to over use our stimulants and start doing exactly the opposite of what we should. If we drink coffee, we drink twice as much, If we smoke a pack a day, we smoke two packs under anxiety. Don't try to quit anything else just make sure you aren't using more of the stimulants, just do the same amounts as normal.

I had the same thing in the first month or so. I never had panic attacks in my life and had two while in my first two weeks. I also was unable to sleep the first two weeks at normal times. I got my days and nights turned around.

When you see your doctor, if you haven't already come completely clean with him you have to now so he can prescribe just what you need but nothing an addictive personality will have problems with.

You get better faster as you go. That does not help when you are frustrated now i know but slow down and take a deep breath. I had terrible PAWS but had two Docs totally supporting me. So they had my bloodwork before and after detox, and all my vital sign baselines to work with as I recovered from my alcoholism. As a result they told me I was normal and would have those and gave me nothing. Other he said did need some help but I made it fine eventually.

Scolova

I know the rage well, hits out of the blue, I got pretty raw at our neighbor's kid earlier for throwing stuff at our fence, got me even more pissed off than when I starting the day angry. I am going to hang my punching bag back up, getting back to training a little bit each day couldn't hurt, but I really need to work on the source of this, been dealing with it most of my life and cannot stand it.

Zebra1275

Good advice so far. Get going on your 4th and 5th steps.

jocata

Thanks everyone for your advise. I am going to start exercising. I started eating healthier and take a good multivitamin. I've been on medication for anxiety(paxil), that may need to adjusted or changed when I see my doc.
We have a speed punching bag and a total gym downstairs that need to get used too. My son uses the punching bag more than anyone, which I'm glad he does to get out his anxiety and pent up energy.
Thanks again and God bless you all.

Dee74

great advice here Jocata.
Best wishes to you

D

c49

I'll second the exercise. I loathe running at times but I have never regretted a single mile in the minutes following. When we make a major change it's amazing how many branches we have to grab at to avoid drowning. It gets better... Carry on!

CaiHong

Hi Jocata,

It is so good that you recognise these rages and want to do something about it. I have felt and had rages and I feel out of control, I can't stop them. I can see they damage they do. It sounds like you are willing to get a handle on them. I think you will overcome them. I am sorry I don't know how in your case. I just want to step in say good for you for doing something about it.

All the best
CaioHong

MentalLoop

I am not an angry person with my children or wife (not to be confused with alcohol makes me angry plain and simple). Once about 4 years ago I yelled at my son pretty bad trying to discipline him for something totally justified. Then I crossed the terror line...never laid a finger on him but I know I instilled terror in him. After terrifying myself I realized that I couldn't start a foundation with my kids that would in the future either a) cause them to accept the emotional/psychological abuse from others or b) cause that harm to others themselves. When I collected myself, I sat my kids down with my wife ( the kids were 3 and 4) and told them nobody was ever allowed to do that to them or anybody else. I also told them that if anybody ever crossed that line wih them again myself and their mother included they are to get the other parent to intervene immediately. I promised them they would never get in trouble if they told on daddy for going too far. Thank god that never happened again.

One sobriety suggestion. You have to laugh and don't laugh alone. Laugh wih your family. If you feel anger, resentment or anxiety, take time out and watch the three stooges, Seinfeld or Chris Rock stand up....whatever gets you there. Sobriety is a celebration not a funeral. Sometimes we have to kill that bug stuck way up our ---es, and smile a bit! It has been doing wonders for my anger.

jocata

Again, thanks to all of you. I went to the local YMCA that we belong to and did a good aerobic workout. It made me feel much better. After that I went to a meeting.
I am going to start consistent workout program and stick with. In the past when I was working out and eating healthy I felt so much better. I really don't know why I didn't start doing that in the first place this time. I have had no energy or motivation, but I have found that if I force myself to do it, the rewards are well worth it.
Thank you all and God bless.

Itchy

Great! Since you are in the middle of PAWS how much time since your last post have you spent on the speed bag or total gym? How many push ups? You have to make it happen.

jocata

Hey Itchy, didn't use the total gym or speedbag yet, but I went to the YMCA and had a good workout. I know the bag will get used. It's a great way to take out my frustrations. Thanks for checking in my friend.
God bless.