I no longer want to drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 117
I no longer want to drink
Hello all,
I have been a long time troller on this site, it has alot of good information and great people have shared some really great success stories, listening to members struggle, all is good to hear so we can all gain a little different perspective as we are all different.
I am one of those guys that always thought that alcoholics were the bums at the park, the ones that lived there, perhaps the angry dad wearing a sleeveless shirt that beats his wife, well, I dont fit either of those profiles, so, I must not be an alcoholic-right? WRONG!
One of the big reasons for me not quitting drinking was I didnt want to, I was having a blast, not hurting anyone, and always around for good party.
I have been drinking heavily for almost 5 years now, why? Cause I love alcohol and what it does for me, how it makes me feel. If it wernt for my wife and responsibilities as a dad, my weekends would be spent drunk constantly. I love that feeling, I like me better, and people seem to like me better when I am drunk or drinking. Cares are no more, stress is gone, I am not mean, and other than hurting my health, all was well. If I was sick, my back hurt, or whatever my ailment was, alcohol was there, it made me feel better.
The other day after a late night drunk call to my wife after a night of drinking with my buddies while I was out of town, my wife gave me a wake up call by telling me that she is done sharing me with alcohol and I will have to choose, not today, but soon. And if I am going to drink, she is sleeping on the couch. So, that forced me to take a very serious look at how I drink.
So, how did I drink? I would start drinking typically around 7pm at night, mixing a cheap whiskey or rum with coke, beer was there as well, but took longer to get me drunk, so, I didnt drink that much beer. I have had some close calls over the years, all of which ended up with me waking up in a puddle of my own vomit on my bed or on the floor of my hotel room. I have never drove after drinking, always seemed to keep my head about me in that regards.
I have always wondered over the years on weather or not I was an alcoholic or not. I have been to the AA website and taken their test on there, but usually answered just 2-3 questions with a yes, so I never took it seriously on me being an alcoholic. Then after talking with my wife the other day I stumbled across this other website where there is a 20 question test on that I failed miserably. So I started looking some more on some other websites, (including this one-THANK YOU!) and yup, I am most certainly an alcoholic, a high functioning one at that. I looked up high functioning alcoholic on wiki and, yeah, thats me
I am in the military and deploy for up to 120days at a time at least once a year, never had any withdraws from alcohol, so, I am hoping quiting will not be too hard. The biggest difference between me being deployed and now is alcohol is available to me here lol. So, I decided to stop drinking on 28 Dec 2011, so, not quite a week, but aside from a little agitation from life, I am feeling good but will surely need some support for me to not drink. Quitting for a week or even 4 months (though an accomplishment) is one thing, staying sober for a lifetime is gonna be a challenge for sure.
But anyways, I wanted to say hello and thank everyone on here for their stories and experiences. Support is what we all need in these tough times
I have been a long time troller on this site, it has alot of good information and great people have shared some really great success stories, listening to members struggle, all is good to hear so we can all gain a little different perspective as we are all different.
I am one of those guys that always thought that alcoholics were the bums at the park, the ones that lived there, perhaps the angry dad wearing a sleeveless shirt that beats his wife, well, I dont fit either of those profiles, so, I must not be an alcoholic-right? WRONG!
One of the big reasons for me not quitting drinking was I didnt want to, I was having a blast, not hurting anyone, and always around for good party.
I have been drinking heavily for almost 5 years now, why? Cause I love alcohol and what it does for me, how it makes me feel. If it wernt for my wife and responsibilities as a dad, my weekends would be spent drunk constantly. I love that feeling, I like me better, and people seem to like me better when I am drunk or drinking. Cares are no more, stress is gone, I am not mean, and other than hurting my health, all was well. If I was sick, my back hurt, or whatever my ailment was, alcohol was there, it made me feel better.
The other day after a late night drunk call to my wife after a night of drinking with my buddies while I was out of town, my wife gave me a wake up call by telling me that she is done sharing me with alcohol and I will have to choose, not today, but soon. And if I am going to drink, she is sleeping on the couch. So, that forced me to take a very serious look at how I drink.
So, how did I drink? I would start drinking typically around 7pm at night, mixing a cheap whiskey or rum with coke, beer was there as well, but took longer to get me drunk, so, I didnt drink that much beer. I have had some close calls over the years, all of which ended up with me waking up in a puddle of my own vomit on my bed or on the floor of my hotel room. I have never drove after drinking, always seemed to keep my head about me in that regards.
I have always wondered over the years on weather or not I was an alcoholic or not. I have been to the AA website and taken their test on there, but usually answered just 2-3 questions with a yes, so I never took it seriously on me being an alcoholic. Then after talking with my wife the other day I stumbled across this other website where there is a 20 question test on that I failed miserably. So I started looking some more on some other websites, (including this one-THANK YOU!) and yup, I am most certainly an alcoholic, a high functioning one at that. I looked up high functioning alcoholic on wiki and, yeah, thats me
I am in the military and deploy for up to 120days at a time at least once a year, never had any withdraws from alcohol, so, I am hoping quiting will not be too hard. The biggest difference between me being deployed and now is alcohol is available to me here lol. So, I decided to stop drinking on 28 Dec 2011, so, not quite a week, but aside from a little agitation from life, I am feeling good but will surely need some support for me to not drink. Quitting for a week or even 4 months (though an accomplishment) is one thing, staying sober for a lifetime is gonna be a challenge for sure.
But anyways, I wanted to say hello and thank everyone on here for their stories and experiences. Support is what we all need in these tough times
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Dorito!
Congratulations on getting sober! I agree that we all need support to do this and you've come to a great place!
My life looked just fine (from the outside), but alcohol was definitely running the show. Once I got sober I realized I wasn't quite as functional as I thought! Keep reading and posting - you can do this!
Congratulations on getting sober! I agree that we all need support to do this and you've come to a great place!
My life looked just fine (from the outside), but alcohol was definitely running the show. Once I got sober I realized I wasn't quite as functional as I thought! Keep reading and posting - you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by dorito281211 
The other day after a late night drunk call to my wife after a night of drinking with my buddies while I was out of town, my wife gave me a wake up call by telling me that she is done sharing me with alcohol and I will have to choose, not today, but soon.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Can't help it, this is what stuck out for me, if you don't stop drinking SHE is going to be sleeping on the couch?
Sorry, there is something so wrong about that.
Glad you're here, glad you are taking this wake up call seriously. Now I am submitting this and going to go bang my head against a wall.
Sorry, there is something so wrong about that.
Glad you're here, glad you are taking this wake up call seriously. Now I am submitting this and going to go bang my head against a wall.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Fredericksburg, VA
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by dorito281211
Cause I love alcohol and what it does for me, how it makes me feel. If it wernt for my wife and responsibilities as a dad, my weekends would be spent drunk constantly. I love that feeling . . . Cares are no more, stress is gone, I am not mean, and other than hurting my health, all was well.
And then this summer I am ashamed to say that I came in to work (a good job in a DoD agency) after going on a bender and apparently passed out at my desk. I got another job in my field closer to home and missed work last week, without calling in, because I went on another bender. Nice, huh? And yet in spite of all that, I think some small part of me still wondered and hoped I could drink in a limited way. I never thought what I was doing was okay, but not wanting to have a drinking problem is not the same thing as finally being able to acknowledge that you can't do it.
Last week I deluded myself that I was being "safer" drinking wine than vodka. Ha. I feel like I am finally close to knowing in my heart of hearts, that I truly cannot drink ever. My drinking history is disgusting. I do not want to doom myself to repeating it.
Last edited by DCR101470; 01-02-2012 at 06:41 AM. Reason: Misspoke
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I used to call myself "high functioning"--what a crock. I can go pull a plug wire on my race engine and it will still have ten times the power of the one in the minivan. Is it still high functioning? I guess, but it's still not running right and I probably won't win a race with it. "High functioning" is a destructive illusion. It allows you to cut whole portions of your life out of reality. You can't remember your kids or major holidays but hey, you got to your fancy job on time everyday so you must be "high functioning".
It took a lot of courage for your wife to "tune you up". It must have been scary to hear. I'm glad it woke you up. If your experience with sobriety is anything like mine you'll find that maybe you weren't as high functioning as you thought you were. Not to say that you weren't hitting all your marks, just that there is so much more to life when you are running on all eight cylinders.
Keep up the good work!
It took a lot of courage for your wife to "tune you up". It must have been scary to hear. I'm glad it woke you up. If your experience with sobriety is anything like mine you'll find that maybe you weren't as high functioning as you thought you were. Not to say that you weren't hitting all your marks, just that there is so much more to life when you are running on all eight cylinders.
Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Congrats on taking the first step. I also thought I was a high functioning alcoholic until I took a good hard look one day and realized that yes, I have never lost a job because of my drinking, but having coworkers ask me every other day if I was feeling ok because I was always hung over doesn't quite qualify me as "high functioning" anymore. We're often the last to see it and if you take a good hard look, you may just realize there's really no such thing. Glad to see you here and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by DCR101470
And then this summer I am ashamed to say that I came in to work (a good job in a DoD agency) after going on a bender and apparently passed out at my desk. I got another job in my field closer to home and missed work last week, without calling in, because I went on another bender. Nice, huh? And yet in spite of all that, I think some small part of me still wondered and hoped I could drink in a limited way. I never thought what I was doing was okay, but not wanting to have a drinking problem is not the same thing as finally being able to acknowledge that you can't do it.
I have given in with this, I'm not even a week into being sober yet and I KNOW there is no moderation with me and booze, I would venture to say this is probably a bad idea for anyone that is an alcoholic-but what do I know, I'm just another drunk :p
I wish you luck!
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