shemakesmesmile

At the request of the RA in my life, I am headed to Al-anon on Thursday. I have no idea what to expect. Anyone mind giving me a run down? How does it work? What did you get out of it? She was genuinely surprised that I agreed to attend. That leads me to wonder if its really hard to take or something ...

Thanks in advance...

MsGrace

My experience of Al Anon was a loving, non judgemental experienced group of people whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. We review the 12 steps and 8 traditions which are closely related to AA...but the work in Al Anon is squarely upon us. It's a place I've been able to share my experience as it develops week by week and listen to other's experiences. There is no advice given or "cross talk"...but just sharing from the heart. You don't have to share anything if you don't want to. For weeks I'd just go and weep, saying nothing then leave but every week I feel better than when I came in the door. That is the bottom line..it is the place we can go, focus on ourselves and our own experience with others who have shared many of the same struggles and heartaches. Al Anon will help me be a better person whether the A is in my life or not. It's just for you, not anyone else.

jackthedog

At first I was very quiet when I went to the meetings and just listened and I learned so much through them. I learned how to focus on me and how my story was like so many others. I never thought I would share, but I have two times and I am very happy that I did, for me and for the others there that I helped. It is foreign at first because we are not used to being with others who care about us unconditionally, but they do, and they show it without doing anything but sharing their 3-5 minutes of thoughts, ideas, and stories. It took me a long time to finally go to a meeting and now I look forward to it. If the first one you go to you don't feel comfortable at, keep going and give it a chance and try as many as you can until you find one that suits you. What I mean by this is the first meeting I attended there were less than 10 in attendance and I found a meeting that had 30+ and for some reason this one worked better for me, not sure if it is the number of people or the people themselves, but I am happy and feel peaceful and encouraged after.

PurpleWilder

The major thing I had to learn in the first few meetings is that nothing I ever said would leave a meeting. I came from a town of 750 people and at the first meeting I ever attended I walked in....and there sat my high school Spanish teacher!

I also learned not to discount a person's contributions just because on the surface they seemed very different from me. All of the women in my Al-Anon meetings were 20+ years older than me and were dealing with long-standing marriage issues and alcoholic children. At first I doubted we had anything in common but eventually I learned just how universal alcoholism really is.

I also learned that I never had to share if I didn't want to. If we were going around the table reading and I wasn't up to it, I simply said, "pass" and the next person took that passage to read aloud. Somedays I just sat and cried (or as I called it, "pass the tissues; I got issues").

And I was never pressured to contribute financially if I couldn't - and at that time not only could I not make ends meet, I couldn't even get them to shake hands! You can attend meetings whether or not you have a dollar for the basket and there should never be pressure. They only ask for a dollar to cover the cost of renting the room, or providing coffee, or getting literature. That's it.

Since I was embarassed, alienated and broke, learning those three things broke the barriers for me and I started getting better.

lillamy

I had a long talk with a friend from Al-Anon today.

We never see each other outside of meetings -- busy lives -- but we both know that when we need each other, the other person is always there, just a text message away. She's texted me at 3 am. I've texted her in the middle of important stuff at her job. Those times when you need a listening ear, someone who totally and completely gets it -- even if all you get in response right then is, "I'm here, I love you, talk to you as soon as I can."

We talked about the program. And we agreed that the Al-Anon program is a lifesaver for us who have been or are involved with actively drinking alcoholics. But she made another good point: She said, "I think even if you don't have an alcoholic in your life, Al-Anon teaches you self-care. The program teaches you how to set healthy boundaries in relationships. It teaches you that your feelings are valuable and acceptable."

I think what she said was that it's the least expensive counseling you'll ever get. Whether your A is actively drinking or in recovery, you learn how to live YOUR life -- regardless of what people around you choose to do with theirs.

Cyranoak

Keep an open mind and listen. Really listen to what the other people are sharing. IMHO it is good at your first meeting to wait until the end to share if you want to (it's optional).

Alanon saved my life and improved it. I'm glad as a person with strong opinions and a closed mind I was able to open it just enough to learn the many things I needed to learn to become happier, have more serenity, and live with my wife.

I truly believe that without Alanon my wife and I would not be together. I also believe that without Alanon my wife could not be with me and also maintain her sobriety.

Good luck,

Cyranoak