Hi - New here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Red Bank
Posts: 78
Hi - New here
Hello all. I am here because my 34 year old son is an addict and his world is getting worse and worse.
He owes thousands on credit cards, student loans, etc. He says he's working but I don't believe him (been there before).
He was living at my mothers till she threw him out about 2 months ago for forging about 2,000 dollars worth of checks. Now he lives with a friend of my nephew's but they are in a retirement community and he is living there illegally so I don't know how long that will last. Then he will be out on the streets.
Haven't heard from him for over a month - not even a call to say thanks for his Christmas present. He still has the nerve to go to my mothers about once a week and she still gives him money.
My husband and I are very depressed and angry and hurt and just don't know how to live with this heartache.
He owes thousands on credit cards, student loans, etc. He says he's working but I don't believe him (been there before).
He was living at my mothers till she threw him out about 2 months ago for forging about 2,000 dollars worth of checks. Now he lives with a friend of my nephew's but they are in a retirement community and he is living there illegally so I don't know how long that will last. Then he will be out on the streets.
Haven't heard from him for over a month - not even a call to say thanks for his Christmas present. He still has the nerve to go to my mothers about once a week and she still gives him money.
My husband and I are very depressed and angry and hurt and just don't know how to live with this heartache.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Your mom is enabling him. What does she think he does with the money? Have you had a heart to heart with her about enabling? Does she even know what enabling is? If he gets kicked out on the streets that's where he'll have to be until he's ready to give up that life and go to rehab. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through but as an alcoholic, if I was deep in the drink and someone gave me money, it would go right into the bottle without a second thought and minimal guilty feelings.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((pommie))) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sad for what had brought you here.
Newcomer's is a great place to start here, but I recommend you check out this forum:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
It's full of people who have loved ones who are addicts, a lot of them parents.
Dealing with an addict child goes against every idea you have of what it is to be a parent. I have loved ones who are/were addicts, and I am a recovering addict. I put my family through he!!, mainly by just "dropping off the face of the earth" but it was having doors shut in my face, facing a LOT of bad consequences that got me to seek recovery. I've also been the one TO shut doors and let people fall, as I did.
Even knowing it's the best thing, it hurts, but it helps to know we're not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Newcomer's is a great place to start here, but I recommend you check out this forum:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
It's full of people who have loved ones who are addicts, a lot of them parents.
Dealing with an addict child goes against every idea you have of what it is to be a parent. I have loved ones who are/were addicts, and I am a recovering addict. I put my family through he!!, mainly by just "dropping off the face of the earth" but it was having doors shut in my face, facing a LOT of bad consequences that got me to seek recovery. I've also been the one TO shut doors and let people fall, as I did.
Even knowing it's the best thing, it hurts, but it helps to know we're not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Originally Posted by pommie 
I have tried to tell her not to give him money but she is very soft hearted and he always has a real sob story and she gives in.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((pommie))) - there are many parents here who's child is an A (addict) and grandparents or other family members continue to enable them. It's hard to watch, but not everyone understands that it's doing more harm than good.
We talk a lot about the 3 C's - you didn't cause it, you can't change it and you can't cure it. This applies, not only to the A, but to others - we can't change what other people do. Some "get it" when we explain it, some don't. The one person we can control is us, and even that's pretty hard sometimes.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
We talk a lot about the 3 C's - you didn't cause it, you can't change it and you can't cure it. This applies, not only to the A, but to others - we can't change what other people do. Some "get it" when we explain it, some don't. The one person we can control is us, and even that's pretty hard sometimes.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
I am so sorry 
Please know that it is NOT your fault. Sometimes we as addicts/alcoholics need tough love, or we will not quit. I hope your Mom is strong enough to stop supporting his habit. I know she thinks she is helping him, but it is just the opposite. If my family had not cut me off completely and let me fall flat on my face, I would not be sober today. Good luck.....Cathy
Please know that it is NOT your fault. Sometimes we as addicts/alcoholics need tough love, or we will not quit. I hope your Mom is strong enough to stop supporting his habit. I know she thinks she is helping him, but it is just the opposite. If my family had not cut me off completely and let me fall flat on my face, I would not be sober today. Good luck.....Cathy
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome pommie -
I'm so sorry to hear about your son - being a parent myself, I can only imagine how difficult it's been. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you.
Addiction is cruel, but a lot of us do recover......
I'm so sorry to hear about your son - being a parent myself, I can only imagine how difficult it's been. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you.
Addiction is cruel, but a lot of us do recover......
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