healthyagain

So, I need to work on myself and focus on my happiness. But how hard is this when you live with someone who keeps drinking and does dumb things while drunk? I mean really dumb, childish, immature things. I think I married a brat and that my husband (in his 40s) never really left high school.

Because I avoid arguing with him while he is drunk (or any type of discussion), now he is pissing people off on Facebook, mainly his old "friends," and he does the same thing he used to do with me (still trying sometimes): he picks a fight, then he argues, is poisonous, pushy, and hurtful, and then he wonders why that person removed him from the friends list?

And how do I feel about it? I am not embarrassed, actually am pretty happy when he makes an a** out of himself in public, well at least in Facebook public...for now.

healthyagain

Hangover blues today...yeah it was the New Year's Eve yesterday, so he had to drink. Then he fell asleep, and I left him sleeping on the sofa. Today, he is going to sleep till 1 or 2 in the afternoon (possibly 3), and we had plans. This happened so many times before, but I was soooooo blind.

The good thing is that I have my very own Plan B, which does not include him. Nothing special, just enjoying the first day of 2012 and doing something for myself.

Happy New Year everyone and I wish it brings you strength, courage, health, and wisdom!

wicked

I am thinking of a plan B right now.
today is not a good day to walk, but I can dive into some paperwork I need to find.
And, yeah, I do like sort through my paperwork. I have decided if I want a better life, I need to make plans, and it isn't a plan until it is written down somewhere.
I put up my 2012 calendar yesterday (couldnt wait)!
LOL

Beth

ETA
Happy New Year! This is my year to shine! Thank you! and everyone who comes to this corner of cyber space to share experience and hope.

healthyagain

I am discovering that having a plan B is A MUST, and it helps, it really does! The "good" thing about my husband is that he shows a pretty predictable behavior. So even when he acts bad, it does not matter, because I know how he gonna act and when he gonna act like that. I am prepared. Avoiding him when he is intoxicated and leaving him sleep wherever works great. And it saves my energy...it is more like: "OK buddy, wanna make an a** out of yourself? Fine. That's your problem. I have a life to live."

Pelican

Happy New Year!

Hooray for you! It is a healthy step for yourself when you stop engaging with an alcoholic while under the influence.

Sending encouragement and support as you continue to take care of YOU!

healthyagain

Thank you Pelican and Happy New Year to you! I love this forum. I know that this is going to be a long and bumpy and winding road but I cannot lie to myself anymore. This "not engaging" is so hard and it took years...still have to work hard on it.

Florence

My girlfriend's husband does this -- he gets on FB and taunts his friends with political or religious rants that are designed to make people angry. Later he's flummoxed and totally shocked when people are de-friending him and refusing to hang out with him in real life. Surprise! Those nasty things you said online hurt real people's real feelings!

The Plan B was really important to me this year. Things were a hair different because my RAH wasn't an active A, but basically I'd inform him of our plans, giving him the option of partaking in the activity, then if he wanted to go he went, and if not he didn't. I decided not to chase him around asking him to get ready, do this, do that, because I figured if it was important to him he'd make an effort. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't. The interesting thing is that I rediscovered how much fun it is to get out on my own and do my own thing, and even sometimes hang out with my mom (which I never thought I'd say). That's my experience and it worked for me.

healthyagain

My AH does political rants and just does not know when to stop. He does not understand that it is not appropriate to argue with people like that, and even if he is right, so what? Can't he accept that people have a different opinion? But you see, he used to do this to me...ONLY when drunk...when not drunk, he is like a little lamb. It took me some time to see the pattern.

Thank you for sharing your experience, Florence. It is freaky how things are so similar and how my husband is just following this textbook pattern of behavior. I am afraid to admit, but he is an active alcoholic...maybe not as bad as some alcoholics can get and is highly functional...but still...if alcoholism is a progressive disease, things are going to get worse, eventually.